Why Do We Hate LGBTQ Kids? And Don’t Blame Religion
If Catholic priests can say we’ve been wrong, maybe there’s hope
The first thing Patricia Verbeek noticed when she woke up that Tuesday was the utter silence. She went looking for Erik.
Instead, she found two letters on his pillow. One to her, one to his father. She ripped open her letter with shaking hands. It said…
“Dear Mommy, I am so sorry to do this to you but I have killed myself by jumping off the top floor…”
She ran. Didn’t finish reading. Ran to her third floor balcony. She could see police cars and yellow tape. She ran downstairs, terrified.
Officers refused to say if it was her child so she phoned her ex. He said he’d go to the police station. See if he could find out anything.
Two hours she stood there, praying it wasn’t her child behind that tape. Praying it was a coincidence and he’d changed his mind.
Then her ex-husband called, hysterical. It was Eric.
Suicide letters shouldn’t start with “Dear Mommy” but too often they do. Especially when they’re LGBTQ kids.
The hardest part was that they knew Erik was trans and were supportive. They’d made a plan. They were going to move after grad. So Eric could become Hope in a new place. A whole new life. Except grad never came.
Eric didn’t believe the world would accept Hope.
“I was losing hope in the world and could not see my way out of the wrong body.” Erik Verbeke, suicide note
He was the best big brother in the world…
Seth Walsh was bullied at school. They’d follow him. Taunt him. They pushed him down the stairs and kicked him black and blue at the bottom. While they were beating him, they screamed at him. Fag. Queer.
They were relentless. Beat and bullied him so often he was afraid to go to school, afraid to go outside, afraid to go online. Nowhere was safe.
Nowhere but home.
One day he called his mom and said “Mom, you have to come get me right now.” Some kids wanted to beat him. He sounded so scared his mom and little brother ran to the car and picked him up while he stayed on the call.
Back home, they sat and talked for a while. Then he went for a shower. After his shower, he asked for a pen. Said he was going to go outside and play with the dogs, then write a little.
Ten minutes later, his mom was still worried about his state of mind. She popped into the yard to check on him. Thought they’d talk a little more. It was too late. He’d hung himself in a tree.
The pen he’d borrowed was for the note he left.
In this short clip, Seth’s Mom tells what happened when she talked to the school about the bullying…
Seth’s little brother was shattered.
“Seth was the best big brother in the world — no, the galaxy. I always wanted to protect him. I just wish people could have been nice to him like my mom taught me.” — Shawn Walsh, Seth’s little brother
“I hope you got what you wanted…”
Kids performed mock gay acts on Asher Brown in his Phys-Ed class. He was bullied, beaten, and harassed. His mom and stepdad went to the school repeatedly. When they weren’t going, they were phoning.
When he took his own life, they said he was bullied to death.
He was only 13.
After Asher took his own life, the school staunchly denied there was any bullying. They denied the parents had come in or called.
The community wasn’t having it.
When his story hit the local television station, parents and students called in to say it was happening, everyone knew it, and it had been going on for years. The school would do nothing to stop it, they said.
600 people showed up for his funeral.
His mom cried in front of news cameras and said she has a message for the bullies. She said she hopes they got what they wanted.
The sad part is — they did. They got exactly what they wanted.
“I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done. I hope you got what you wanted.” — Asher Brown’s mother
The world is brutal to LGBTQA kids… too many people are like this woman, who wants the “freedom” to bully “the transgenders”
I am absolutely appalled by this woman. Worst part is, she was a teacher for years before going into politics.
I am not comfortable with “the transgenders,” she says.
“The” transgenders. Not transgender kids. “The transgenders.”
I’m not violent, but I’d like to smack this woman into next week. She thinks other kids “should be” allowed to bully “the transgenders”. She explains that they’re in the “bible belt” as if that’s a valid reason for bullying.
She fails to realize her rights end where theirs begin.
No, not all teachers are like that. Or all policy makers.
But too many are.
90% of LGBTQA kids are bullied…
The world is hostile and hateful to LGBTQ kids. According to a survey by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, approximately 90% of LGBTQA high school students report being physically or verbally harassed.
When is it too many?
In 2020, 52% of transgender and nonbinary youth in America seriously considered suicide.
The survey was not small. 35,000 LGBTQ youth, aged 13–24, across the United States, and over half seriously considered suicide.
They said death would be better than trying to live with rejection, isolation, loneliness, bullying and being targeted by politicians and activists pushing anti-trans legislation.
That rejection most often includes their families.
Only 1 in 3 LGBTQ youth said their home is LGBTQ-affirming
Kids like Erik/Hope, Asher Brown and Seth Walsh are the minority. Feeling safe and loved and accepted at home is not the rule, it’s the exception.
Two thirds of LGBTQ kids are not accepted at home. They’re judged, persecuted and sent for counselling or conversion therapy… or they’re simply turned out onto the streets.
40% of homeless kids are LGBTQ, according to the True Colors Fund.
Too many people use religion as an excuse for their hate.
Too often, home isn’t a safe place…
Tyler Clementi asked his roommate to “clear out” because he had a date. It’s what they did for each other. He didn’t know his roommate had pointed a webcam at his bed before leaving until he saw the video on social media.
He jumped off a bridge.
“I just want to be deleted” — Tyler Clementi
“Dear Mom and Dad. F — ck you.”
After the police left the Alcorn residence that morning, Mrs. Alcorn shared her very sad news on Facebook. Pardon me if that sounds sarcastic.
“My sweet 16 year old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn went home to heaven this morning. He was out for an early morning walk and was hit by a truck…
She didn’t mention the suicide note.
It started with, “Dear Mom and Dad ; F — ck you…”
Joshua Alcorn did not get “hit by” a truck. Leelah Alcorn walked along the highway until she saw a semi-trailer and walked in front of it to end the nightmare that was her life.
She was four or six the first time she told her mommy she doesn’t understand why God gave her a boy’s body when she’s a girl inside.
She wrote about it on her blog. That conversation was followed by years of “Christian counseling” and conversion therapy. She said “therapists” told her she was selfish and a sinner for feeling like a girl trapped in a boy’s body.
Her parents agreed. We love you but… you’re a sinner. We love you but you’re wrong. Mentally ill. Mixed up. You need help. You are a good straight Christian boy who needs help. The self loathing got unbearable.
After police made a copy of the suicide note, Mrs. Alcorn tossed it in the garbage. When asked about her child’s transgender status, she said, “We don’t support that, religiously.”
“My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say ‘that’s f-cked up’ and fix it. Fix society. Please.” — Leelah Alcorn
If Catholic priests can say we’ve been wrong, maybe the rest of us can, too?
When Tyler Clementi jumped off a bridge, his mom lost her mind for a while. She was in a fog, she said. People would talk to her and she’d hear maybe one word out of ten.
But then she got mad.
She was sick to death of hearing people spew religion as the reason for hate and bigotry. So she started the Tyler Clementi foundation.
She’s asking Catholic bishops if God is really that hateful…
So far, 182 Catholic Parishes, Religious Orders, Organizations, and Schools signed and support the “God is on your side” statement of acceptance.
It is not enough. Not nearly enough. But it’s a start.
It’s time to stop sacrificing children on the altar of hate or religion. Time to stop shaming child victims and start shaming their bullies.
If Catholic bishops can admit we’ve been wrong, maybe the rest of us can, too.
This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt, Queer as Kids: Or … Can We Please Teach Love?
