Why Do Men Mansplain Women? Because They Mansplain Each Other, Too

It’s a sad, never-ending contest of who knows more than who

Last night, we went out for dinner. There was a table close to us with all men at the table. I admittedly eavesdropped on their conversation (oops), but I couldn’t help myself since I also wrote this piece yesterday before dinner, which dug into the same conversation patterns I was overhearing:

For context, all the men at the table were tech bros, a group I’m familiar with since I work in tech. They were talking about JavaScript React. To my understanding (and from the admittedly very little experience I have with it), React is a programming language for front-end software development and UX design.

So, back to the conversation. I noticed a gross, familiar pattern. They started competing to interrupt or complete each other’s sentences about why certain functions and promises are best-case scenarios for situation X, vs situation Y.

It became an all too familiar verbal chest-bumping match of, “Though you’re correct about when you explained this, you also forgot to mention that, and here’s why it’s important to remember forever until the END OF TIME!!”.

Maybe these conversations are more glaringly apparent to me because I don’t go out much since the COVID lockdowns, so hearing groups aside from my own chosen ones can be a bit jarring. But then I also realized, this has been going on forever.

This is the way these men have been conditioned to speak with one another. You notice it across all areas of interest, not just tech.

Sports is a more obvious subject. It’s like these men can’t simply say they like and appreciate a sports team without throwing a bunch of statistics in your face. The competition of team A vs team B on television becomes less important to the men in the room than their own competition of, “but don’t forget about this statistic that just came out this morning, I read about it you must have missed it!”.

Why has it been like this for so long? Where did this start? I don’t know, but it’s unfortunate because it’s really grating and annoying.

Question for you men who have experienced this: do you get tired of this game as much as we do? It seems genuinely exhausting.

Is our world of constant distraction/ pulls for our attention conditioning us to not practice actively listening? Or is this more of an ingrained, primal alpha-male type behavior we may never be able to completely rid ourselves of?

I don’t know, but please allow me to wrap this up with a tidbit of unsolicited advice:

People in general are often far more interesting, appreciated, and respected when they show a genuine and active interest in the other person. How do they show this interest? By listening. By asking questions about the other person. By following up with a question about what the other person just said.

When someone actively listens, the people in the room will take with them thoughts like, “Wow, they were really cool, I enjoyed spending time with them.” Or, “I liked how they wanted to dig into that subject with me”, Or my favorite, “Wow I learned something tonight!”

The chest-bumping match’s takeaway is more like, “Ugh, they really wanted to prove they knew about X, but I don’t even think they were right.” Or, “They really didn’t want to listen, they just wanted to hold the microphone all night.”

Which takeaway do you want to be remembered as with the people you interact with? ❤

If you enjoy reading my work, please consider becoming a member by clicking this link and creating your own stories for other readers like myself! We all have a unique experience to share, and there’s always someone who finds meaning in your story. I also receive some love from each referral made!