Dear Men, Your Women Colleagues Know More Than You

To find out, ask them questions rather than giving unsolicited advice

My previous job was a team of all men. I knew this upon accepting the offer. My first impression of the team was very positive, and I looked forward to joining. I also thought it’d be a great step forward in building the team out with more women in the future.

If it weren’t for my boss, I probably would have stuck it out. But that’s not to say that there weren’t any other pain points that led to my decision to quit. I wrote about that here if you’re curious:

Too many times, my colleagues found ways to try and teach me something new without asking if I even have any knowledge on the subject. There’s one instance that stands out for me more than others:

My team lead was training for a marathon. Being an athlete myself, I reached out to him and congratulated him and asked him what his training looked like.

Now I’m not a marathon runner myself, but I do know a thing or two about fitness and nutrition. I understand why macros are important, and how the timing of getting those macros can improve your performance. I understand that you’ll get more carbs from a cup of pineapple than from a cup of berries, and how the pineapple could be a more beneficial choice for someone who might want a smaller volume of food throughout their recovery process. I understand that a well balanced diet consisting of mostly lean proteins, healthy fats, veggies, and healthy carbs/ fruits can eliminate the need for a multivitamin.

I learned all of this through using the Renaissance Periodization (RP) method, and I’ve been using this method for almost 5 years now. RP is science-backed program with a team of doctors, specialists, nutritionists, and coaches who continue to revise and improve their program, because that’s what science does— it learns.

But instead of asking me about my fitness routine and my knowledge, my team lead interpreted me asking him about his training as an opportunity to teach me about my own general fitness and nutrition, something I must obviously not know or understand. It was the mansplaining of the century.

He went on to tell me all about what I should be putting on my plate and why, why I should prioritize the importance of a good night’s sleep, what can happen if you run too hard in the wrong pair of shoes, and what shin splints are.

I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to respond.

This happens to women on a daily basis, especially in the workplace. It happens too often really, and it needs to stop. The constant mansplaining women receive leads us to assume that men don’t see us as equal. We must know less than you, so you feel the need to teach us what we don’t already know.

How can we work to eliminate mansplaining? Listen more, and ask curated questions that cater to your audience.

To go back to my conversation with my team lead, something he could have asked me after telling me about his training schedule is, “Have you ever ran a race or marathon before and if so, what did you do to prepare?”

This simple question shows interest in the other person, and it requires more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer. It shows genuine curiosity and value in the other person’s experience.

Women need more of this in the workplace, especially in tech and other male-dominated industries. We just do. Remember why your team chose to hire someone, and remember they’re a person with a backstory and life in and outside of work. We deserve to be treated and seen as your equal.

This post was not paid for by RP, but check them out using this link if you’re interested.

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