Why Do Indian Men Ogle?

Controversial, yet unapologetic.

India is famous for its rich culture, vibrant colors, spicy food, warm hospitality, and men who stare. Unfortunate, but true. Having lived the majority of my life in my beautiful home country, I have made countless life-long male friendships. However, I have also built countless memories of men ogling at my friends, my mother, my siblings, my aunty, random women on the street, and me. All men check out women, and vice versa, it is a natural human reaction to a good-looking human being. Heck, I find myself appreciating beautiful women and men all the time. But, there is a difference between ogling and looking with appreciation/ keen interest.

I must have been very young when I learned of this differentiation, possibly not in terms of an English dictionary’s definition but definitely in the way it felt. My mother is a beautiful woman (touchwood), she has always had admirers of both sexes. Also, she is smart, humorous, and a natural conversationalist; In my growing years, I noticed that most women wanted to be her while men wanted to be with her. It was during that time that I also understood the difference between ogling and looking. The realization was uncomfortable and sickening. Hat’s off to my Maa whose warded off strange men all her life.

My question is, why do Indian men Ogle? Yes, men across countries do it, however, one can not deny that India is infamous for it. As someone who has been groped in public, borderline molested a few times and had her share of lecherous stares in this lifetime, I can say one thing for sure — it is from the lack of proper upbringing, awareness, and sex education. As younger generations are coming, the hope is increasing along with awareness at a very young age. Yet, Indian men have a long way for India to be declared as a 100% safe nation for women to travel solo.

Obsession with fair skin tone

Yes, this is a fact, not fiction. India as a country has been obsessed with fairer skin tone. Even matrimonial ads would read, “Groom looking for Bride, should be fair, slender, age 22–25, employed in public services, from a good family, of matching caste.”.

I believe it is this obsession, which makes men at Ogle at foreigners when they visit our beautiful country. Not all men do, but the few who do are enough for these tourists to take back one story, and that one story is enough to creep others out. You ask why is this an obsession? Well, because it is not common. The majority of us range in shades of brown and since the British left, fair skin tone has been regarded as elegant, beautiful, and unachievable.

Obsession with the perfect 36–28–36

“36–28–36” is just a term of easy reference, in essence, it means a woman who has a slender waist, bountiful breasts, and voluptuous behind. For some reason, in India, such women are kept on a pedestal. Even domestic porn sites would be full of such women, promising fantasy-filled promiscuity and squishing of the male organ between big, bouncy breasts/ buttocks.

The problem is that such women are still showcased on the pedestal by media and the film fraternity — the two most consumed forms of content in the country. There are many films lately which are breaking the stereotype, but not enough. If 10 movies release a year, at least 6 would represent that typical fair, bountiful, bikini-clad heroine who would come on the big screen with no acting skills to boast of, but just their money-making assets. When would this obsession end?

Obsession with “Kya Maal Hai Yaar”

This term can be heard frequently amongst boys/ men when conversing with their male counterparts. It is a ludicrous statement which if translated in emotion and meaning, would mean “What a hottie, I would like to fuck her.”. It is demeaning, it is disgusting, and it is used in our daily lives without much regard to what it means. Boys as young as 13 to men as old as 70 could be overheard saying this, and nobody would blink an eye, because “men will be men”.

It is a light-hearted term, and many might say I am making a big deal out of it. But, it isn’t! Slangs like these are a problem! From a young age, they teach boys that you can objectify a woman for her physical attributes, for your thrill. With these four words, men in India masturbate mentally to a woman until they can do it behind four walls and with tissue paper in hand. This objectification is wrong!

We are living in the 21st century, it is time that things change. It is time that boys be taught at a very young age that this is wrong, it is time we make more effort to let India be home to solo women tourists, it is time we are famous again — for the right things. I have so much regard for men in my life who do not condone such acts, but if you have friends who do, and you say nothing to them — then how will the change happen? This is as much a statement for men, as women — I know it because I am guilty of it. Indian men ogle, not all of them, but a lot of them. And, that is not right. It is unacceptable and shameful. Please stop. Enough is enough.

I also want to give a shout-out to young parents today, whom I know of, who are taking the effort to educate their children at a young age of the right things to say, experience and share. You, my friends, will be responsible for a better India tomorrow.

Xo, Aakriti.

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