Why Do I Attract All the Crazies?!
Are there any good ones left?!
Why do I attract the crazies?! Seriously, why can’t I just find a normal guy who has his shit together and knows how to treat a lady? Every time I think I have found someone special, they turn out to be nuts.
And trust me, I know I am no peach. I suffer from BPD and PTSD and have plenty of my own issues that I am ironing out.
But I will not date anyone who is crazier than me.
That’s just scary. Nothing good comes out of pairing a borderline with a narcissist. It turns into an explosion.
I need a trustworthy partner, someone calm and warm to lean into for support, a yin to my yang. Not someone who is going to show down with me for days over nonissues because their ego is out of control.
I don’t need someone who screams and yells in my face while I sit there and cry.
I certainly don’t need someone who attacks me, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Then blames me for it and tries like hell to justify inexcusable behavior. No way am I putting up with that. I love myself.
Over the last few months, either things were awesome, or they were awful.
I have seen the narcissistic red flags pop up during arguments- he gets anxious, passive-aggressive, and egotistical. He has to be right. He does this whole self-pity thing. He gets really negative.
He makes mountains out of molehills and exaggerates to the point of it being pathological.
He lies to himself; makes things up in his head, convinces himself it is reality and acts on it- fully delusional and combative, and there is nothing I can do about it. It is actually really fucking scary to be around someone like that.
I don’t need to live in fear of my partner or what’s going on in their head.
I certainly don’t want an immature brother-sister figure relationship which is where this last one rapidly went.
Our romantic partnership devolved almost overnight, and he became a bratty bully brother-figure.
A partner is someone who is on your side, through thick and thin. Not someone who kicks you when you’re down. Not someone who secretly videos you for extortion purposes. Not someone who treats you worse than a feral cat. That is not love.
He saves things up to use against me. He tries to set me up for legal problems. Hangs things over my head in a threatening way.
We’re talking dangerously crazy stuff.
Then when I told him we were done and I will never be in the same room as him ever again, he goes and signs up for my yoga classes! He doesn’t respect my boundaries. This guy is clearly on the NPD spectrum, and it is scary that I have attracted another nutty narcissist.
I’d rather be single than feel so violated, unsupported and unloved by some egotistical narcissistic nightmare of a guy who claimed to be in love with me. I’ll tap out of this shit show.
I am glad I saw his true colors when I did, so I won’t waste any more precious time. I need a calm, safe, mature, masculine warrior. Not that.
I deserve a safe haven in the arms of my man, and I won’t settle for less.
Where are all the good men out there?! Are there any left?!
Why are relationships so hard?!
Join Medium with my referral link — Stardust Musings
Related content:
