Summary

A covert narcissist ex-partner may block their former partner on all devices as a means to gain narcissistic supply, preserve their false reality, punish, and discredit the ex-partner, while also setting the stage for future manipulation.

Abstract

The article discusses the reasons behind a covert narcissist ex-partner's decision to block their former partner on all communication devices. Despite the victim's efforts to leave the relationship on amicable terms and possibly even maintain a friendship, the narcissist's actions are driven by a need for control and supply. The narcissist seeks to maintain a narrative that supports their self-image and to punish the victim for recognizing their true nature. Blocking serves to inflict pain, devalue the victim and the past relationship, and to discredit the victim in the eyes of others through a smear campaign. This behavior is a strategic move to keep the narcissist relevant in the victim's life and to increase the chances of successfully manipulating the victim in the future.

Opinions

The author suggests that the covert narcissist's actions are self-serving and aimed at preserving their own image and emotional equilibrium, rather than being motivated by genuine concern for the well-being of their ex-partner.
It is implied that the narcissist's need for narcissistic supply is a driving force behind the blocking, as it keeps them in the victim's thoughts and discussions with friends, thereby maintaining their relevance.
The article conveys that the narcissist's blocking is a form of punishment and an attempt to hurt the victim as much as they feel hurt by the breakup.
The author believes that the narcissist engages in a smear campaign post-breakup to discredit the victim and manipulate the narrative in their favor, often exploiting the victim's deepest insecurities.
The narcissist's blocking and subsequent smear campaign are seen as strategic moves to devalue the victim and the past relationship, which may make the victim more susceptible to future hoovering attempts by the narcissist.
The author emphasizes that the victim has control over their own response to the narcissist's behavior, including the option to block the narcissist in return, as a means of self-protection and healing.

Why Did My Covert Narcissist Ex Block Me on All Devices?

I’m the one who should be going no contact.

Imagine the scenario.

Your covert narcissist ex lied, devalued, sabotaged, and gaslit you for the last time — at least you think it was for the last time.

You gather all the strength you can muster and leave.

You will not go back, but you don’t want to worsen their misery. The covert narcissist’s existence is so very sad. You just want to heal your broken heart and move forward.

The breakup had an unexpected silver lining. You have time to clean, to organize, to sort through your things.

You find a few things that belong to your ex and want to return them. You send a text only to discover you’ve been blocked. You try Messenger. Same thing. Instagram. Same thing.

You’re so confused. You thought you parted on good terms. You agreed to be friends.

Now they’ve blocked you. Why?

Why does a narcissist do anything?

To gain narcissistic supply
To preserve their false version of reality

Why would they block you when they were the one who was hurtful?

As soon as you saw their true self, not the idealized self they show the world, you shifted from top flying monkey to arch nemesis.

They not only want to punish you; they want to take you down.

They want you to hurt, like they are hurting. They want you to pay for destabilizing them. They want to discredit you so you can’t expose them.

Blocking is only the beginning

Suppose you initiated the breakup. How does blocking you give them narcissistic supply?

You’re thinking about the covert narcissist right now. Maybe you’re talking about them to your friends. You’re trying to understand them.

They are in your head = they are relevant.

You can also be sure the story shared with their flying monkeys supports the false narrative they’ve created and gives them abundant supply.

I had to block her. She’s so toxic.
I had to go no contact to take care of myself.
It’s a shame we couldn’t stay friends, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Suppose they initiated the breakup. They still see you as the enemy.

Blocking you causes you additional hurt and pain. It devalues you and the memory of your relationship further. It devalues you to others who notice that you two are no longer connected on social media.

Next comes the smear campaign

They not only seek to discredit you, they prey on your greatest insecurity — not being seen and heard for who you are.

If they know you have a fear of being perceived as arrogant, they craft stories that show everyone how arrogant you are.
If they know you have a fear of ending up alone, they seek to make that your reality.
If they know you fear not being good enough, they tell everyone 1000 ways you weren’t.
If you pride yourself on being honest and direct, they tell everyone you’re a liar.
If you are a really good mom, they tell everyone you stole from your children.
If you believe strongly in sacred sexuality, they tell everyone you were a serial cheater.

Causing you pain gives them enormous amounts of narcissistic supply. It also makes their attempts to hoover you in the future that much more likely to succeed. First, they hurt you. Then, they rescue from that pain. It’s a setup.

Fortunately, you’re in control.

You have the ability to block them.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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