Why Being Too Friendly With Your Partner’s Friends Can Ruin Your Sex Life

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Abstract

ers Benjamin Cornwell and Edward Laumann looked at data from the <a href="https://www.norc.org/Research/Projects/Pages/national-social-life-health-and-aging-project.aspx">National Social Life, Health and Aging Project</a>, which is a survey of 3,005 people between the ages of 57 and 85 — the demographic most likely to experience ED. After taking into account the health conditions commonly associated with this <a href="https://medium.com/sex-with-a-side-of-quirk/sex/home">sexual</a> problem — like obesity, <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-sex-context-shots-to-the-heart-stock-photo-flash-fiction-519e8cdcd01b">heart</a> disease, and diabetes — study authors found that among healthy respondents, the more contact their partner had with their friends, the more likely the men were to experience ED.</p><p id="30b3">“Partner betweenness is a significant predictor of ED: A man whose female partner has greater contact with some of his confidants than he does is about 92 percent more likely to have trouble getting or maintaining an erection than a man who has greater access than his partner does to all of his confidants,” Cornwell explained.</p><p id="c83d">The good news is, the older men become, the less likely that partner betweenness is an issue in their sex lives. Cornwell and Laumann found that while men in their 50s and 60s have increased ED with increased partner betweenness, men in their 70s and 80s don’t have this problem any longer, which the researchers surmise is because of the shift in priorities people experience as they get older.</p><p id="5321" type="7">“The results point to the importance of social network factors that are rarely considered in medical research — network structure and the individual’s position within it.” — Edward Laumann</p><p id="ba22">“Older men’s greater focus on close, kin-oriented relationships increases their likelihood of adopting new definitions of masculinity that emphasize conveying experience and mentoring rather than independence and autonomy, and under these circumstances partner betweenness is less likely to trigger erectile dysfunction,” Cornwell said.</p><p id="9a1a">According to Laumann, this study not only provides a good framework for understanding sexual satisfaction among older couples, but also overall health.</p><p id="3a76">“The results point to the importance of social network factors that are rarely considered in medical research —

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network structure and the individual’s position within it,” said Laumann.</p><p id="7d9c"><b><i>More from Kiki Wellington:</i></b></p><div id="035e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-real-reasons-older-couples-are-having-less-sex-bbc5b9fb2e95"> <div> <div> <h2>The Real Reasons Older Couples Are Having Less Sex</h2> <div><h3>It’s not necessarily waning desire</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*8U4ZfTGLPA-jmi4Q8Gwo-w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="cf25" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/suffering-in-sexual-silence-522ec42f71b0"> <div> <div> <h2>Quickie: Suffering in Sexual Silence</h2> <div><h3>Survey shows that many people are having bad sex, but not talking about it</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*qQA4Vx6bnCSykPyxwqBvmw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a10b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/quickie-sexual-dissatisfaction-leads-to-lowered-expectations-960850e23efe"> <div> <div> <h2>Quickie: Sexual Dissatisfaction Leads to Lowered Expectations</h2> <div><h3>Bad sex is the problem that keeps on giving</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*chK6h3eLmeb1hNGy001Esw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d52f"><b>Source:</b></p><p id="1ddf">Harms, W. (2011, August 8). <i>When a man’s partner is too close to his friends, his sex life may suffer</i>. University of Chicago. <a href="https://news.uchicago.edu/story/when-mans-partner-too-close-his-friends-his-sex-life-may-suffer">https://news.uchicago.edu/story/when-mans-partner-too-close-his-friends-his-sex-life-may-suffer</a></p></article></body>

How partner betweenness leads to sexual dysfunction

Ideally, you want your partner to get along well with your friends — or at the very least, be able to coexist peacefully with them. But what happens when your partner is more friendly with your friends than even you are?

According to a study in the American Journal of Sociology, if you’re an older man with a woman, it can wreck your sex life.

Why? Because when an older man’s partner has stronger relationships with his friends than he does, which is known as partner betweenness, he will feel like his partner is coming in between him and his confidantes. This can lead to negative feelings that manifest themselves in several ways, including relationship dissatisfaction, lowered attraction to his partner, and erectile dysfunction (ED).

“Older men’s greater focus on close, kin-oriented relationships increases their likelihood of adopting new definitions of masculinity….” — Benjamin Cornwell

To discover how partner betweenness causes sexual dissatisfaction, researchers Benjamin Cornwell and Edward Laumann looked at data from the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project, which is a survey of 3,005 people between the ages of 57 and 85 — the demographic most likely to experience ED. After taking into account the health conditions commonly associated with this sexual problem — like obesity, heart disease, and diabetes — study authors found that among healthy respondents, the more contact their partner had with their friends, the more likely the men were to experience ED.

“Partner betweenness is a significant predictor of ED: A man whose female partner has greater contact with some of his confidants than he does is about 92 percent more likely to have trouble getting or maintaining an erection than a man who has greater access than his partner does to all of his confidants,” Cornwell explained.

The good news is, the older men become, the less likely that partner betweenness is an issue in their sex lives. Cornwell and Laumann found that while men in their 50s and 60s have increased ED with increased partner betweenness, men in their 70s and 80s don’t have this problem any longer, which the researchers surmise is because of the shift in priorities people experience as they get older.

“The results point to the importance of social network factors that are rarely considered in medical research — network structure and the individual’s position within it.” — Edward Laumann

“Older men’s greater focus on close, kin-oriented relationships increases their likelihood of adopting new definitions of masculinity that emphasize conveying experience and mentoring rather than independence and autonomy, and under these circumstances partner betweenness is less likely to trigger erectile dysfunction,” Cornwell said.

According to Laumann, this study not only provides a good framework for understanding sexual satisfaction among older couples, but also overall health.

“The results point to the importance of social network factors that are rarely considered in medical research — network structure and the individual’s position within it,” said Laumann.

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