Who Should Pay on the First Date?

I’m ready for online dating and my family and I disagree

What’s fair in love and online dating?

I just wrote A Man Walking by Asked Me Out. It was predicated on a family discussion about online dating and protocol. My niece, nephew, and my boys had some interesting opinions.

“I think a guy should pay for the first date,” I say.

“No,” they say. “The first date should be a split bill.”

“I think the second and subsequent dates should be split,” I say.

“No,” they say. “Some women will go out to get a free meal. It’s better to offer to pay the tab once you decide you like someone.”

They aren’t wrong.

Women like this do exist.

I know people who know them. I’ve heard stories. It’s not something I could fathom doing. And the women I am close to would never use a guy for any reason.

But it’s a reality of online dating.

Not unlike some men who view a date as an opportunity to hook up.

It’s the uglier side of online dating.

Who’s looking to really meet someone? Who genuinely is in it for the right reasons? Who is hoping for a true connection? And who’s only looking for an opportunity? A dash and dine. In more ways than one.

Personally, I have no desire to be friends with a woman who would use a man.

And no desire to go out with a man who would use a woman.

Could the clue be who attempts to grab the bill?

Not likely.

It’ll take more than one date to determine an ulterior or genuine agenda.

Who should pay for the first date?

Etiquette says the man since he’s typically the one who asks a woman out. Times are changing, as evidenced in my family discussion. It’s considered perfectly acceptable today by many to split a tab.

Am I old school for thinking a man should pay on the first date? I don’t want to be sexist. Maybe it is generational. Maybe that’s why I think a guy should make that first chivalrous impression.

But is it fair?

I have boys and nephews. I wouldn’t want someone taking advantage of them. But it’s one date. It’s the first impression. I’m not saying other subsequent dates shouldn’t go dutch.

I come from a generous family.

We could meet every day of the week and still fight over the tab. It doesn’t matter if I’m out with my children, siblings, niece, nephews, aunts, uncles, or cousins.

It feels like gentlemanly etiquette.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t offer and expect to pay half on the first date.

It would be rude not to. I’m saying I think I might make a judgment about a man who let me. And it might influence my decision to go out again. It’s not about the money especially since I think later bills should be split.

It’s an opinion, it’s about etiquette.

I’m not saying I’m right.

And I’d tell my boys to pay for the first date.

It sounds traditional but I would. The younger generation in my family might talk a good game but they are some of the most generous, kind, thoughtful, and well-mannered people I know.

They would fight over that check, first date or otherwise.

When I was younger I wouldn’t have given this a thought.

In college, I paid for all of my then boyfriend’s drinks. Even though I was the child of a single mom and paid for all of my own expenses. And he was the child of parents who were supporting his entire education. He was always broke.

I should’ve given a passing thought to chivalry before I married him.

Maybe now I just have boundaries.

Who knows what’s fair in love and online dating?!

But I’m about to find out.

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