Where are the Bodies Garth?

The Country Music Legend is not What He Seems

Garth Brooks: singer, songwriter, undisputed king of American country music . . . serial killer?

You haven’t heard? Pour yourself three fingers of bourbon, sit your ass down, and prepare to be flabbergasted.

The internet seems to believe that Garth Brooks — the man who has more Diamond albums than any other artist in history — is a secret sociopath who has murdered multiple people. Friends in low places? More like friends in crawl spaces Garth.

According to the theory, Garth’s hectic touring schedule provides the perfect cover for him to assuage his all-consuming bloodlust. His victims are difficult to link together, as they are often separated by thousands of miles. Up to 300 bodies are said to be buried on Garth’s 20 acre estate in Goodlettsville Tennessee.

He’s been getting away with it for years, but suspicion is growing. The comment section under Garth’s social media posts are rife with accusations.

Here’s one from last week:

Think I’m cherry picking my examples? See for yourself. Go to literally any social media post Garth has made this year on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram and you will find the comment section littered with demands that Garth fess up to his crimes and finally allow his victim’s families some closure.

There are some who dismiss these allegations. They say that this is nothing more than the work of two comedians — Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky — who began mocking Garth’s social media posts in 2018. Soon after, the rabid Mommies (the term fans of Your Mom’s House podcast use to describe themselves) began infiltrating Garth’s social media.

But if this is all a bunch of baloney, why doesn’t Garth sue? Why doesn’t he delete the comments? Does he not want to draw the attention of the authorities? Or maybe, like most serial killers, Garth is simply looking for the sweet relief of finally being caught. No more lies, no more cover ups. Just refreshing honesty, and finally a little recognition for one of the most prolific serial killers in American history.

Enjoyed yourself? Read this Stupid:

And then there’s this, a real think-piece from Kristen Stark: