When You Feel Lonely Despite Being Surrounded by Others

Ramblings From the Aspiring Therapist

We rarely talk about the loneliness that we may feel when we are surrounded by people. It’s possible to feel lonely when you are in a crowd, even if that crowd is made up of your parents and siblings as you’re sitting around the dinner table, eating in relative harmony.

Loneliness is an unspoken calamity, where we are connected to more people than ever before — and yet, an underlying sense of loneliness may lay claim to us, especially when we head for bed and close our eyes.

There’s a possibility that perhaps you’re feeling this way because you’re misunderstood. Maybe no one understands how you truly feel and those people who do understand are miles away, and inaccessible by technology.

Perhaps you’re insecure about something and you needed a little extra validation for the day, but no one was able to give it to you because they are battling their own demons. Even so, it’s a legitimate thing to be feeling lonely.

The New Norms

The events of the pandemic have exacerbated this undercurrent of loneliness, where social distancing is the recognized norm and virtual communication is our safest means of talking to others across the world.

While it’s accessible to be talking to so many people at once, especially from the comforts of home, there seems to be a hollow feeling that follows you, especially when those conversations are done and dusted.

Perhaps you’re a mild performer, smiling at the cameras, playing up your sense of happiness as if nothing is wrong. Maybe this person is a reflection of your former self, and you’re stuck in a loop, wanting to continue it because people seem to like this person more than current you.

When the people are gone, the symbolic mask is off, and you find yourself symbolically collapsing into the bed upstairs. Each time you tackle a new task, it feels like a herculean effort is being lifted. However, you trudge gently and try to pace yourself, much to your chagrin.

This, my friends could be an underlying sign of depression. While depression is a recurring norm, given world events, we don’t have to be suffering all by ourselves and can take measures to fight off some of it.

Fighting Back

Maybe it’s really hard to open up to anyone. Thankfully, we do have cost-efficient ways of seeking mental health support, even if it is mostly online these days.

It is hard to share your personal thoughts, but some people do it in different ways. Maybe they share things anonymously on social media, while others share things in their journals, tapes, or even with supportive confidantes.

More people than ever before are seeking out support groups, and they meet like-minded people with similar struggles. Ignoring a problem doesn’t mean it is gone — it is still there waiting for you if you don’t do anything about it. If anything, talking things out might help you come up with new solutions that hadn’t thought of before.

Some of the best ways to approach your loneliness is:

• Finding more emotionally responsive allies (even online buddies count)
• Telling your existing supports about your situation (good allies won’t walk away if you do)
• Taking the time to self-reflect and journal (an audio journal is fine)
• Keeping yourself busy enough to forget the pain (like maintaining a blog)
• Joining a club or class (like an art seminar or a book club)
• Spending time volunteering (you’ll meet others with similar goals)

Final Takeaways

Whatever you end up doing, just know that loneliness is a lot more common than you think, and could be an underlying sign of depression. Perhaps we feel this way because we’re feeling possibly insecure, misunderstood, and have to put a mask on.

When it comes to feeling this way, we can try to fight back, whether it is making new friends, telling your current allies the existing situation, journaling, self-reflecting, keeping yourself busy, and surrounding ourselves with similar-minded individuals through clubs, programs, and volunteer gigs.

As an unknown person once wisely said,

“People know your name, not your story. They’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through. So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that counts. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everyone else.”

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