When You Can’t Say Goodbye To Your Long Distance Love

Summary

The author is struggling to move on from a long-distance love, despite attempts to appear unaffected and busy with life, and is reflecting on the deep connection shared through a single kiss that hints at a potential new kind of love.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's emotional turmoil following a long-distance relationship that has left a significant impact. Despite trying to seem indifferent and engaged with daily life and children, the author admits to the difficulty of letting go of the connection. A brief but intense kiss has left an indelible mark, suggesting the possibility of a profound and transformative relationship. The author acknowledges the fear of ruining their friendship by exploring this new depth of feelings but embraces the change and the complexities it brings. The piece also touches on the author's musings on the nature of their bond, the gifts of inspiration exchanged, and the longing that persists despite attempts to move forward through dating others. A fleeting text exchange reignites the connection, leaving the author hopeful and unwilling to abandon the potential of their relationship.

Opinions

The author initially pretends to have moved on from the long-distance love but later admits the impossibility of leaving those feelings behind.
There is a sense of self-deception involved in trying to diminish the attraction felt towards the person by criticizing them.
The author experiences a surge of creativity and confidence, which they believe is a manifestation of tapping into their source of energy, and feels that this shift is noticeable to others, including the long-distance love interest.
The author cherishes a single kiss as a profound connection, believing it to be the beginning of a new kind of love, despite the fear of potential ruin of their friendship.
The author views their love interest as a muse and appreciates the tangible and intangible gifts exchanged between them, which signify care and inspiration.
Attempts to distract from the longing, such as joining dating sites, are acknowledged as somewhat successful but ultimately unsatisfying compared to the connection with the person they miss.
The author is hopeful and does not believe that either of them can easily let go of their bond, suggesting that perhaps they are not meant to let go at all.

But pretend you’re doing fine without him.

I’m doing that thing again. You know, when I pretend I don’t care and I’ve moved on. I tried to make it look like I left without looking back. It was an impressive performance, considering how hard it is for me to move on.

Can I be honest with you? I can’t let go of you just yet. It’s impossible to leave town and compartmentalize my feelings as if nothing happened between us. I thought I could do it at first. I got busy with my kids. Daily tasks and challenges occupied me. I pretended I was ok without you for a while.

I accepted we weren’t lovers and probably never would be. I even convinced myself I didn’t want that from you after all. To pull that off, I had to criticize you a bit. I had to make you as unattractive as possible. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to separate myself from you — for about a week.

Then my energy shifted with the new moon, and passion rose up and out of me in the form of the written word. I felt unstoppable, with perfect prose and commentary tumbling onto a virtual page. My confidence accompanied me on this ride, and you noticed my energy shift.

When anyone taps into their source, everyone can feel it. To sustain this powerful source of energy takes finesse and a little bit of luck. When we’re in it, we manifest more of the magic amongst our fellow humans. You’re one of the special ones I wanted to share a seat with on my mystical journey.

And because you noticed, I remembered. I knew I couldn’t possibly ignore how I felt when we kissed. You let me in for seconds, but I felt what it must be like to know one another. Our lips brushing and a slight slip of my tongue inside the inner corner of your mouth was enough. One brief kiss was enough for a new kind of connection.

You can call it a bad idea. You can tell me you don’t want to add layers. But I’ll always feel that kiss. Within that shared moment, I felt everything we never said. I felt what could be a new kind of love.

I know you’re afraid of our potential ruin. I know you’re projecting your past into our future. But we’ve already altered our friendship, my dear. We can’t go back to la-di-da we’re fine as friends land. I’m ok with that because I welcome the change. I like the nuances and layers of our relationship.

Someone wrote a story the other day about her boyfriend offering new wiper blades as a first practical gift. He showed he cared by giving her something she needed. And it dawned on me that you are that person with me. You’ve offered me tangible tools and gifts of inspiration. You’re my muse. And I miss you.

I experienced yet another shift after deep sadness and hopeless longing. I joined dating sites and tried to like them. And I did, somewhat. I came out of my funk to attention from a couple of men expressing interest from elsewhere. I engaged with one but felt drained afterward. I was able to forget about you for a brief moment, though.

And then you slid into my text message window with a thank you for a book I sent. We chatted for only minutes, and I was back on that starlit beach, you holding me.

You’ve metaphorically held me before. So it felt like home when your hands encircled my waist. You felt familiar and comfortable. We were beginning something fresh and new. I don’t want us to end before we begin.

I can’t let you go just yet. And I hope you forgive me later for not believing you can let me go that easily either. Maybe we’re not supposed to let go. Think about it. I’ll be up here, miles away, my heart still there with you.

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