What You Feel Isn’t Love If You Are Unpleasantly Romantic

Signs you’re obsessed with someone.

Many of us often confuse strong feelings for another person with love. We think we’re in a loving relationship when we’re actually in a limerent relationship.

Love addiction is very common nowadays. We see couples hopelessly romantic with each other and we admire how inseparable they are.

But is it good or bad to be obsessed with your partner? What if the thoughts and feelings for your partner begin to affect your personal and work life?

The Confusion Between Love and Limerence

There is a difference between love and romantic obsession, which is limerence.

When you are in love, your heart flutters when you see your partner walk in the room, and it feels like the time you spend together puts you on top of the world.

Love as you may know have different forms. There is compassionate love, fatuous love, empty love, passionate love, and true love.

Falling in love is a strong state of mind and attraction, it doesn’t have the obsessive quality of limerence. You love your partner, but don’t go crazy when they’re at work, with friends, or on vacation.

Love is calmer and less dramatic than limerence.

Psychologists found that the love we feel in most committed relationships are of two forms, fatuous love, and passionate love. However, the fatuous love fades with time.

In contrast with a simple crush which can come and go with little affection or a romantic engagement, limerence is an addictive intoxication with a feeling of being in love.

Both love and limerence activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with love hormones namely, dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love.

Love hormones are also associated with novelty, energy, focus, learning, motivation, ecstasy, and craving.

Limerence on the other hand, is a romantic attraction to another person that typically includes obsessive thoughts, fantasies, and a desire to either form or maintain a romantic relationship with a specific person.

The problem is when you are falling in limerence with someone you feel confused if they are the one or not. Limerence is all about the chase and lust for someone, while love is about building a connection.

With limerence you feel you need the person to be complete while love is selfless, you are willing to let them go if that will make them happy.

Why Romantic Obsession Is Unhealthy For You

Limerence is an addictive form of romantic attraction often confused with love. It’s obsessive thinking about a person. You can’t eat, sleep, or concentrate at work when the person is not around you.

You easily bring them up in conversations with others and you plan your schedules so you can bump into them on purpose.

You feel you need to be around your partner all the time. And you want them to reciprocate the time and affection you give them.

You feel euphoric when they reciprocate your feeling or depressed when they don’t.

You overanalyze and replay every moment you spend with them to know the meaning of what they said and why they said it. Every word spoken, every eye glance sends you into a state of euphoria.

In your eye, your partner can do no wrong. You have made them the center of the universe and this can lead to an exhausting and relentless lifestyle.

Limerence can be a confusing and debilitating psychological illness, but it’s not love. The deeper you fall, the more likely you are to neglect your basic needs. Not sleeping or eating properly will have a huge impact on your well-being.

Since limerence is a fantasy there is a chance you’re merely obsessing over what the person has to offer.

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