Mental Health

Here’s How to Set Healthy Boundaries for Emotional Maturity.

Here is how I gained a better life by setting and implementing emotional boundaries in five steps

Before defined boundaries, I suffered from emotional disturbances causing havoc to my hormones and neurotransmitters.

Setting emotional boundaries gave me a new life. Beforehand, I struggled to manage my relationships, raising my stress and anxiety levels and adversely affecting my physical and mental health.

Emotions can change our hormones and neurotransmitters, affecting the body and mind positively and negatively. Unless we balance them diligently, our health might suffer.

Manipulation is a human trait and part of nature. Manipulations in our lives are inevitable. They never end.

Even though the notion of manipulation sounds negative and hostile, some people use it for good reasons. For example, philanthropists might need to manipulate people’s emotions to invest in charitable causes.

Generally, psychological manipulations can significantly affect our emotional life, impacting our physical and mental health as we get older.

Therefore, we need a robust self-defense mechanism to protect us against psychological manipulations. One of the viable solutions for emotional self-defense is setting boundaries.

Boundaries are necessary to live a meaningful life. Nature created boundaries to balance the survival of creatures. Limitations are evident in all aspects of life, including in the human body. So we can use this handy mechanism to manage our emotions too.

The method I introduce is common sense. It includes nothing new. It is also simple. Moreover, it is a powerful and proven model that might give valuable perspective to people struggling with emotional disruptions and turmoils.

As each person is unique on this planet, we need to define boundaries based on our lifestyles, types of relationships, and goals. Thus each step might require diligent customization.

Emotional self-defense is a comprehensive and convoluted topic in psychology. Therefore, by narrowing my focus, I summarize the method within a specific context with examples from my life to give an idea of the necessary steps it comprises.

The model that I coined is called “UDCIR” to remember it easily. It stands for understanding, defining, communicating, implementing, and reviewing/revising boundaries.

I wrote this piece for information and education purposes to pass along my years of experience. It is not a prescriptive story or specific advice. If customized, it might work for anyone.

1 — Understand the importance of emotional boundaries.

As emotions run our lives, setting emotional boundaries is essential. Emotions are generated internally through complex systems. Every biochemical and electrical reaction produces emotions and turns into feelings.

In addition, our thoughts and behavior generate emotions. Furthermore, external sources also create emotions. In other words, environmental factors and the emotions of others also affect our feelings.

Unless we set clear boundaries, managing our emotions can be difficult. Consequently, our feelings and mood will suffer.

Some people can manipulate more than others. Narcissists are prime examples. It is impossible to deal with chronic manipulators without setting explicit boundaries.

Even our loved ones can manipulate our emotions despite their good intentions. They might have goodwill, but the emotional reactions of loved ones can hurt us.

In short, we need to understand that setting an emotional boundary is a healthy and practical method to defend our body and mind.

2 — Define boundaries based on your goals.

Without definitions of crucial points in a specific context, we cannot deal with them. Like anything else, we need to define boundaries to make sense of them.

While defining boundaries, we must understand our limits and tolerance levels for people’s behavior. Understanding what we can tolerate and cannot gives us valuable perspective while defining boundaries.

Standard definitions might help, but they might not be as efficient as personalized definitions. Moreover, as we are unique, the intent, purpose, definition, and description of boundaries vary from person to person.

Limits and tolerance levels to situations and circumstances are different.

Therefore, despite having a positive and optimistic outlook on life while defining my boundaries, I wore my pessimistic hat considering the worst-case scenarios.

3 — Communicate boundaries to involved parties.

Relationships revolve around verbal and non-verbal communication. Interestingly, non-verbal ones matter more as they might affect us emotionally.

For example, a stern look and defensive body language might sometimes make a more substantial impact than a swear word in a specific context or situation. I had to exaggerate the metaphor to make my point.

When we define our boundaries, the next step is communicating them clearly to relevant parties. Different people have different communication styles. Thus, customizing the message to their style is critical.

Even though we usually communicate boundaries verbally, we might need to provide our rules in writing in certain situations.

Written rules might be critical in formal situations serving as an engagement rule or personal contract. In addition, written guidelines might be especially useful for children as tangible reminders.

4 — Implement boundaries with consistency and persistence.

This step is more complicated and more involved, requiring diligence.

Once the rules are clearly and effectively communicated, the next step is to implement them consistently and persistently.

Without consistency, the rules can be broken easily, and the boundaries can be breached. But on the other hand, consistency can also strengthen the power of limitations and make them easier to comply with.

Initially, we might get resistance against our rules. Some people might try to break boundaries. Therefore, diligence and persistence are essential traits.

5 — Review the health of boundaries and make necessary adjustments timely.

Life is not straightforward. Relationships are dynamic and complex. So even though we need to keep boundaries consistent and persistent, they don’t stay permanent.

Therefore, we need to be flexible to make necessary adjustments. For example, boundaries for kids, adolescents, and adults might differ. Moreover, a limit in one workplace might not suit another one.

As our children grow, we might need to review, revise, and alter our rules. As we change jobs, we need to analyze and amend them accordingly. Therefore, flexibility is critical to keeping healthy boundaries.

Conclusions and Takeaways

Before setting boundaries, my emotional life was a mess.

Emotional disturbances significantly increased my stress and anxiety, creating havoc on my mental health and declining my physical health.

Without boundaries, many people with good or bad intentions breached my privacy and wasted my precious time hurting my feelings.

However, when I learned to set boundaries and implement them consistently and persistently, my emotional maturity substantially increased. My stress and anxiety decreased.

Consequently, my mood enhanced, contributing to the formation of better relationships. In addition, my creativity and productivity improved when relationships at home, in the workplace, and in communities got better.

The best impact of setting emotional boundaries was on my physical and mental health. It helped me to find my ideal weight and body composure.

Thus, I see developing limits and implementing boundaries diligently and flexibly as a transformational tool for health and well-being.

The model covers understanding, defining, communicating, implementing, and reviewing/revising boundaries. You can remember it with the UDCIR acronym that I coined.

I expect these simple points in my proposed model might give you valuable perspective on setting your limits and customizing your boundaries based on your needs and goals.

Thank you for reading my perspectives. I wish you a healthy and happy life.

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