What is Mindfulness and And How it Has Helped Me Navigate Challenges
A few days ago, I received the news that my grandmother passed away. Across the world from my family, I felt at a loss not being able to be there and was hit by waves of sadness, guilt and frustration. But I am so grateful for my practice of mindfulness, for I was able to adopt an attitude that helped me find myself again through grief. In the following, you’ll gain an understanding of what mindfulness is, told through my recent experience of practicing it to cope with loss.
What is Mindfulness?
A lot of people confuse mindfulness as a relaxation exercise or an app that will give us a ‘quick fix’. Although many apps have sprung up recently and there has been a wave of Mindfulness becoming mainstream, what it truly is — it is a skill, a practice, an attitude of life where one is in the ‘quality or state of being conscious or aware of something,’ (as defined by the Oxford dictionary).
It is a state where you are willing to experience whatever it is in that moment for you, be it pain, stress or joy that you bring attention to. I’ve learned that the key attitudes of mindfulness are:
- Curiosity
- Kindness
- Gratitude
- Non-judging
- Non-striving
Why Mindfulness?
The beauty of mindfulness is that it may not necessarily be a meditation, sitting in silence or a special thing that you have to do. It is extremely accessible and can be incorporated into your day to day life, routines and any challenges you face.
It is the gentle reminder to yourself to stay open and receptive to experiences, to be less reactive, and more observant and curious. It is the opposite of what many of us have been conditioned or adapted to do, the habits of avoiding unpleasant feelings, ignoring pain and holding on to emotions that we may not even be aware of.
We turn to unhealthy coping strategies such as eating, drinking, spending etc. to avoid the pain instead of allowing it in. We are constantly trapped in cycles of restlessness, worries, doubts, fatigue and even passing on our anger and discontent to others unintentionally. We become disengaged with the present moment and either hold on to the past or future.
I know how it feels. I’ve been there, being unaware of my own emotions, leading to physical ailments, chronic pain, stress, digestive issues and much more unnecessary suffering. And that is why I embarked on a journey to find peace, wellness and ease.
How to Practice Mindfulness
“What you resist persists.” — Carl Jung
One of the biggest hindrance to adopting a mindful attitude is resistance. It is when you put up a wall or block out your emotions, shutting down and ‘not wanting’ the feelings. This will only in turn cause more pain and suffering as we become hyperfocused on what we don’t want, causing more stress and frustration in the process (when you are already dealing with stress in the first place).
So how can we soften the pain and stress instead?
Recognise it. Name it, see what’s there. The first step starts with awareness and bringing attention to what you might be feeling or holding. The key is to not try and change it immediately, but simply sit with it. Stay curious and practice willingness, if you find it difficult, simply clench up your fist and slowly open it up with your palms faced upwards like receiving something.
It signals to your mind that you are open to receiving from yourself, and embracing whatever that surface. One of the other key component is to have radical self-compassion and kindness. It may not make sense to be kind to yourself or you might want to strive for something (especially for those who are always hard on themselves) but practice sending love to that emotion or thought, allowing them and loving them, letting it come and go.
Just like when I felt initial waves of sadness and grief from the loss of my grandma, I allowed myself to completely feel whatever I am feeling, to cry, to contemplate, and simply letting the feelings sink in. I recognised them, and gave myself time and space, holding compassion and loving-kindness to the experience.
Then, I practiced letting it go. Exploring forms of expression through writing, journaling, painting etc. and doing something different that can help to channel my emotions. The waves of sadness still hit me from time to time especially the first few days, but I told myself ‘It’s ok, what I’m feeling, it’s completely ok.’ This non-judgemental and loving thought allow the emotions to soften and dissolve with time.
I also constantly reflect on this experience and the revelations it holds. This loss has brought to my attention with even more impact on what truly matters to me — that we deserve to live each day with more peace and joy, not letting a day go to waste. I am grateful for this, I am grateful for the chance to practice mindfulness and what it has taught me. I still wish I had the chance to spend more time with my grandma (haven’t seen her for more than a year due to COVID) but I know that grandma will be very proud of me, evolving and learning to find more peace each day.
In loving memory of my grandma, wishing everyone love, peace and joy.
If you’ve found this helpful and want to learn more about wellness and cultivating a more mindful living, here are some of my other work:
