Why I’m Grateful for The Pandemic (Even After Many Tears)

Pandemic Reflections: The Best Life Lessons I Had

Wow.

I took a deep breath as I began writing this piece. It’s a lot to process. I know like many of us, we’ve been faced with many challenges and uncertainties, but I found myself in a position where I was constantly navigating career, sense of self, relationship and identity throughout the months, and even anxiously travelling and moving four times this year due to life circumstances. The only way to sum up this year for me would be ‘a year of beautiful chaos’.

I cried a lot, I struggled a lot, I got frustrated, angry and filled with despair whereby so many things were out of my control. Just when I thought I was falling into a good rhythm with my life as a young graduate settling in London, who fought hard for her artistic passions and career, COVID came along in March 2020.

But in hindsight, it gifted me the need to express and allowed me to find my voice through writing on Medium, going on a journey of immense self-discovery and growth. There were many times where I felt like I have hit rock bottom, where I was (and am still) stuck due to travel bans, being 6 months apart from my partner and so on. But I found much solace every time I show up to write, finding myself again, between the pages and my pouring words.

Since March 2020, I showed up for myself each week, and never missed a week of writing and publishing on Medium. What it has done for me is way beyond simply writing, it gave me a space to remind myself of my inner strengths and resilience, and to focus on the learnings gained. The responses I get from the readers have been incredibly healing and empowering. I know that with whatever I am going through, through writing and sharing, it could could be transformed into something meaningful, and even shed some light for others.

Learning to Surrender Control

One of the biggest reflections for me is to finally learn to surrender my control and manage my anxiety. I have always struggled with some sort of anxiety, overthinking about things, worrying excessively etc. but during the pandemic, it was extremely intense due to the level of uncertainties and forced me to realise that it is so exhausting to live like this and it needs to stop.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” — Pema Chodron

For the past year, I was constantly checking the news for updates on travel bans, COVID cases etc. to inform my decisions of meeting my partner and the next steps. I had everything in plan to make it work and before you know it, comes a new COVID variant, a new travel ban, and for every 14 days, I was anxiously waiting to hear from the officials, only to be disappointed again.

Somewhere down the line, I finally realised that I’m letting this external circumstance steal moments of my joy and being. The moment I tried to hold on to the knowing and certainty, that very moment slips away from my fingers. Those efforts are futile, and I have the power and choice to be happy exactly where I am right here and now.

Redefining Success

The past year has shattered my original definition of success as an over-achiever and perfectionist. It has also forced me to face some hard truths. I uncovered that the busyness of my pre-pandemic life was driven by an inner desire to feel ‘enough’, to feel like I’m achieving. So much of it was driven by external pressure, the fear of not living up to expectations and needing approval.

Judgement and comparison no longer have a place in my path now. I define success in my own terms and standards, where I value self-awareness, growth and emotional maturity, all of which I have gained so much through this year. I may not be where I want to be financially and career-wise as of now, but I’m rooted in my own knowing that in this period, I got to know who I am and what is my purpose, which I believe, is an achievement that is greater than any other.

“Be patiently impatient.” — Seth Godin

Success can also look like making a good cup of coffee, having a good day, making new connections and so on. What I’m learning more and more each day is to focus on the process, with an overall vision that is willing to make things happen, and yet, staying patient and having trust with myself and the process.

It is so beautiful in a way that the pandemic forced us to slow down, take into account where we are heading, and put a stop to the mindless achieving and doing. I began to have a newfound sense of appreciation for all the little joys of life, how nature itself is always there to give and embrace us. In moving forward each day, I set the intention to be guided by joy, peace and truth — to me, that is what success is.

Focus on What You Have

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” — Dale Carnegie

This year has forced me to become radically resourceful and make use of what I have. Initially, I felt limited in my creativity and life as I’ve been living in temporary stays, with changed plans and situations, I’ve been living out of a suitcase, with a few set of clothes, my notebooks, pen and markers, laptop and that’s it.

I didn’t have my to go expressive outlet — my piano to soothe myself, I didn’t have my collection of belongings to bring me a sense of comfort, but I could open my laptop and write, and I could spend time sitting in silence and learn to meditate. And that is exactly what led me to this beautiful journey as a wellness writer and a mindfulness meditation teacher in training.

I am so grateful that the pandemic taught me such big lessons, where I am able to release unhelpful patterns, be more receptive to the present moment, and stay rooted in my own path. I finally heard and found myself again. I’ve also had wonderful support along the way and to those who pulled me through difficult times, I give thanks and appreciation to all. One year of writing on Medium has brought me immense joy and growth, and I can’t wait to capture more life lessons and share them with the world.

This piece marks the anniversary of my writing journey on Medium and the pandemic. I was further prompted by the writing prompt I received from Medium and took time to process my journey so far.

If you’ve enjoyed this piece, these are some of my other work that gave me hope and strength throughout the year: