What is Genuine Confidence?

Too many of us are confused about the true meaning and source of confidence.

I used to believe it was something that you happen to be born with, and those of us who weren’t, well, tough luck.

But it turns out that you can earn your confidence.

Even when I first heard this, I didn’t believe it.

I thought that everything, or mostly everything, in your life had to be good or ‘right’ or aligned (whatever that meant) for anyone to have confidence.

But the truth was I wasn’t able to see past the appearances.

Confident people look like they got it together.

Confident people look like they know what they’re doing, where they are going, and how to spend their time.

And to a certain extent, they do.

But I failed to realize they are just as human as you and me.

Which means you and I can be confident like them, too.

Here’s what genuine confidence is and where it stems from:

Genuine confidence stems from a solid foundation built on knowing your beliefs and values.

This is part of the journey of life no one can skip if you want to earn confidence.

But everyone’s process of figuring out their beliefs and values is different.

Some people figure it out early, others (like me) may take some more time, and some unfortunately don’t figure it out at all or don’t want to.

Figuring out your beliefs and values is the process of getting to know yourself.

And I’m not talking about getting to know yourself in the romanticized way people show online.

It’s perhaps one of the most challenging things you can do because it’s looking at all parts of yourself, especially the ones you want to avoid.

I sought out professional help at one point in my life because I was having an identity crisis — I didn’t know who I was, what I stood for, what I believed anymore, or what I wanted.

I’ve been on this intentional journey of building and getting to know myself for the past four years, and as difficult as it’s been, it’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve done.

I wouldn’t change any of it.

The gist of it is this:

Genuine confidence stems from knowing who you are and what you stand for, or at least being on the journey to figuring those things out.

Genuine confidence isn’t believing you’re perfect.

It’s believing you’re capable.

It’s believing you can change for the better.

You won’t change, grow, or earn confidence if you don’t believe it first.

I struggled with my believing for a long time.

I will be sincere and tell you that I didn’t really begin to believe in myself until I was forced to move out and depend on myself.

I didn’t think I could do it, but I was put in a position where I had to figure it out.

And to my surprise, I did.

I didn’t just figure it out, either. I began to thrive.

For the first time in my life, I had a space that was entirely my own, a space where I could be myself, do the things I wanted, dream, imagine, wish, and think without anyone telling me no or otherwise.

It was a very freeing moment that allowed me to establish a sense of belief in myself.

Now, I know this sounds all wonderful and amazing, but the journey to earn more of my confidence took longer than that.

I had to fight against many of my bad habits and, little by little, adopt healthier ones that proved to me I could, which leads to my next point.

Genuine confidence comes from following through with what you said you would do.

Proving to yourself that you can do what you set your mind to.

This is the moment when you earn most of your confidence.

And I’ve seen a tremendous shift in my belief in the past few months because of it.

I’m incredibly grateful for Medium because it’s through this platform that I learned how to follow through.

A year ago (more or less), I committed to publishing at least ten blogs per month, and I’m happy to say I have kept about 98% of that commitment.

In November last year, I upped the ante and gave myself a bigger challenge — publishing twenty blogs per month.

Although I failed the month of December (I wrote fourteen or fifteen blogs), I still published more than I was used to.

In two short months, I was able to prove that I could push myself.

Now, I’m on track to publish another twenty blogs this month, and I’ve also started uploading one video per week on YouTube.

Thanks to learning what consistency and follow-through are here on Medium, I now have the belief, and I’ve earned the confidence to say that this year, 2024, my life will change.

You can earn your confidence by looking in the mirror and figuring out who you indeed are and what you stand for.

Once you know who you are, the possibilities are infinite.