What if You Decided to Stop Complaining?
Go complaint-free for 24 hours and see what happens.
A few years ago, my friend and I decided to take up a challenge — to stop complaining. I thought, here’s something I can ace with ease. Sure, it is human to complain. But when we’re conscious about it, it should be easy enough to stop complaining, right?
Wrong.
It is tough.
A habit of a lifetime does not change overnight.
But we were determined (mostly because of our ego) to start working on it and see how long it took us to go complaint-free.
The result? I did not stop overnight. Ha!
But . . .
I Complained Less
Or tried my best to! Being alert and seeing it coming was half the battle.
After a couple of weeks of committed practice, I was pleased to see myself complaining less. What a glorious feeling!
My turning point
While it was fun, initially, to check myself when I felt like complaining, at that point in time, we were going through a crisis. My mother, who had a chronic illness, was in and out of hospital.
After one particular hospital stint and a big dent in our purse, I remember being furious and frustrated when my mom developed a high fever just a couple of hours after we got home. This recurring fever was the very reason she was admitted in hospital. Without going into details, let me say that I was in the worst mood. Of course I complained about the doctors and just about every little thing I could think of. I loved my mother dearly and it was frustrating to see her suffer.
As I paused for breath, my mom gently took my hand in hers and told me to breathe and calm down. She said, why not think about the silver linings instead of all the nasty stuff? Why not look at what IS rather than what IS NOT?
- We were together at home
- We could afford the treatment
- I worked from home and this gave me the flexibility of time with her
- My husband, my son and I were healthy
- My son was doing well at school
. . . and so on. You see what I mean?
I’ve slowly but steadily made a habit of doing this over the years whenever things looked bleak. Each time I found myself getting annoyed over something, because that is usually the precursor to complaining, I paused. Took a step back. And thought about one good thing — anything. Even something as simple as the breakfast I had that morning. I realized I smiled more and was less stressed when I did this.
What Was the Trick?
When something doesn’t go the way I expect, I quickly take a sheet of paper (my favorite method), draw a vertical line. On the left, I list Life’s Debits and, on the right, Life’s Credits. I always find the credits far outweigh the left column.
Another thing I’ve noticed, to my happy surprise, is that when I think of Debits, I think of the immediate present and very recent past. With Credits, I look at the big picture, and so, there are bigger things to feel happy about — long-term things. The solid stuff. Am I making sense? It is a great way to get mental clarity and focus.
Years ago, I remember asking my then 16-year-old son what he thought about complaining and if he could stop doing it. I half-hoped he would say “no”, but he just laughed and said, “Of course I enjoy complaining! It feels good and it is fun and it is a great way to vent.” Then, noticing my obvious disappointment he quickly continued, “But the important thing is not to keep whining but just vent and move on”. Smart kid.
But Is All Complaining Bad?
No. I believe certain complaints that point to a positive outcome are important. Let’s ask ourselves, what do we want to achieve by complaining? Solve a problem? Inform others about a situation so it won’t repeat itself again? Excuse our own shortcomings?
So, please do go ahead and blow off that steam. Focus on your complaining but only to become aware of any unwanted negativity you are harboring. Lose the negativity. And then, laugh it off. Move on.
Not Complaining Is as Easy as Not Finding Fault With Everything
Some people are happiest when they’re complaining or finding fault with something. I had an aunt — bless her soul — who was like that. Never happy unless unhappy. I know how that sounds but that’s how she was.
People like this are never satisfied no matter how great everything is. They revel in generating negative energy. They have to blame someone else for anything that goes wrong with their lives. They enjoy complaining as if it is their birthright. It never occurs to them that they could be responsible for how they feel.
Obviously, Self-Improvement Starts with Self
Wherever we live, wherever we work or play, we are the main constant in our lives. We just can’t get away from ourselves, right? We have to start with the man in the mirror and ask him to change his ways. (Yes, I just love that song). Unless we bring change from within, our response to outside things will be less than perfect.
How To Go Complaint-Free?
Understanding what our complaint triggers are is the first step.
What has caused us to complain in the past? Work? Feeling tired? The weather? Money?
Once we zero in on what the triggers are, how about going on high alert and being extra-conscious when we sense one of these triggers?
Next, take a closer look at the all times you felt tempted to complain.
What are you doing when this happens? Is it something you dislike doing? Are you around a certain person? Are you tired?
Knowing your complaint triggers and choosing to be aware when they arise will help you to avoid falling into the complaint trap time and again.
Gratitude Minimizes Complaining
Being grateful, no matter what, is a great way to live, because it lets us find joy in the little things. It only takes a slight mind-shift. Practicing gratitude also takes the focus away from negative thoughts and feelings and allows us to appreciate what we have.
To sum up
When you commit to go complaint-free
You also go
- Stress-free
- Pain-free (yes, it works!)
- Grudge-free
- Misery-free
You become
- Happier
- Healthier
- More relaxed
- More productive
- More positive
- More cheerful
- More tolerant
- More successful
You enjoy
- Increased self esteem
- Improved relationships
You feel
- More affectionate towards your folks and friends
- The change in your outlook on life
When you stop complaining, you feel lighter, you argue less and enjoy life more.
Do You Think You Can Commit to Going Complaint-Free?
If yes, how do you intend doing it?
If not, why not?
Go 24 hours without complaining. Not even once. Then watch how your life starts changing.
Originally published on Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles
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