The Hard Path To Caring Less About Things That Don’t Matter

and focusing more on the things that do

Some things are certainly worthy of our time, our energy, our attention. And there are some things that are not.

Just pause for a moment from whatever you are doing and reflect. Have you noticed how you seem to be in your element when you stop worrying about the results and focus on your efforts?

And then, there are times when your outcomes are amazing even though you haven’t slogged over the task, simply because you did not fret over what others thought or because you feared failure.

Now answer these questions

Do you tend to spend time caring about the things that make a positive difference?

OR

Are you wasting your time caring too much about things that make you unhappy?

We do have a tendency to care too much about things that don’t really matter in the long run, don’t we? And when we do, it is hardly to accomplish the things we want to.

Investing our mental energy on the wrong things can sabotage our happiness. Not only is making these things a priority an absolute waste of time, but it also results in unnecessary challenges in life that we can very well do without.

I’ve found that there are at least 11 things in life that we should care less about if we want to be truly happy.

1. Other people’s approval

‘Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.’ — Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu is right. Of the things you should care less about, number one on the list is other people’s approval. Think about how much time you spend freaking out over what others think for every little thing.

Of course, we all care about what people around us think of us. We are human, after all, and it is normal to want to be accepted — particularly in the age of social media and all the baggage it brings with it. We want to be loved or at the very least, liked. But we have to draw the line somewhere. We just cannot afford to care too much if only for the sake of our own wellbeing. We don’t need the approval of others.

The more importance we give to other people’s opinions, the farther it takes us away from our happiness. Worrying constantly about what others think will make us miserable. And we’ll end up saying and doing things that don’t align with our values, leading us to a state of regret that we certainly don’t need.

You don’t get to blaze your own trail by stopping to listen to every judgmental opinion that comes your way. Get past that need to fit in. Start feeling good about your own decisions and your life.

2. Things

I’d be the first to acknowledge that we need things, but that becomes a problem when we turn them into an obsession. You know what they say about collecting moments, not things. Sure, a big house, a big car can make us happy, but that is not true happiness. The same goes for money. Money is important, but it isn’t everything. Why get so focused on making it that you don’t have time to enjoy spending it? Peace comes through moments and experiences.

3. The Past

I know that it is sometimes difficult to let go of the past. But wouldn’t you agree that the past is done with, over? So what if you messed up? Maybe you said things, did things you didn’t mean to. Maybe you did not take up wonderful opportunities. But ups and downs, pain and disappointment — are all part of life. Just learn from the experience. And move on.

4. Failures

Failures are the stepping stones to success. But don’t get so attached to them that you get stuck in a job or a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. Why let failure stop you from doing what you’d really like to do? Don’t fear failure. It is just “False Evidence Appearing Real”. Failure is a big deal only when you allow it to be. Succumb to it and you will be self-sabotaging your happiness.

5. Your faults

Yes. Definitely one of the things you should care less about. Simply fix what you can and let go of what you cannot. Your faults are what make you, you. Focus on your strengths. Believe you are good enough just as you are and just get busy doing what you want instead of using your limitations as excuses.

6. Regrets

There is no place in life for regrets, what-ifs and if-onlys. Just work on forgiving yourself and others. If there’s something to learn from these moments, that is great. Stop worrying about what you cannot change. Live in the present moment, it is the only thing you can be sure of.

It is so easy to drive ourselves crazy worrying about a past that we have no control over, or a future that we have no idea about. Don’t torture yourself about things that may never happen. Just learn to deal with situations as they arise.

7. Your appearance

Sure, you should care about your image — after all, who doesn’t like to be presentable ? But not so much that you obsess over it! Focus on looking after yourself — your health. You are more than your appearance. Most of all, don’t compare yourself to others. You are perfect as you are.

8. Rejection

Rejection is a gift, as I have come to realize. We tend to be so scared of being rejected that we huddle inside our comfort zones, afraid to take risks. As the proverb goes — the magic is often outside the comfort zone. So what, if things don’t go as expected? Enjoy the experience of having tried and feel proud of yourself and the life-lessons you learned.

9. Consequences

I think children are the best teachers when it comes to truly learning to care less about consequences. They’re courageous, they’re curious and they go right ahead and do what they want, even if they are aware that they’ll probably be scolded for it. They understand that with some things it is better to apologize than wait for permission.

Think about this: how many times have you held yourself back from doing something because you were nervous about the consequences? Sometimes, it is okay to break some rules than be afraid to take risks.

10. Perfection

Often, in our quest for perfection, we get into the all-or-nothing mode. That’s not at all ideal because we end up not getting anything done. Not everything needs to be perfect. Instead, how about going with “good enough” and getting started…and moving on towards finishing? The faster you do this, the closer you get to accomplishing. It is fine to make mistakes, learn from them and treat them as learning experiences. Goodbye perfection. Hello completion.

11. Details

Don’t sweat the small stuff!

Details are good, but there are times when you have to look at the big picture. Don’t get so caught up with minor details that you miss something important in the overall situation. Keep your priorities in sight. This keeps you focused.

Looking at the big picture also works in relationships. Instead of nit-picking on trivial stuff, it helps you focus on why you are in the relationship and why it makes you happy. I am not saying ignore details entirely, but it is certainly one of the things you should care less about.

Caring less is more about concentrating on the things that really matter.

The moment we start being true to ourselves, that’s when we’ll find happiness.

What would you add to this list of things you should care less about?

A version of this post first appeared on Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles

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