Why Rejection Could Actually Be a Gift

and a great opportunity for self-improvement

Nobody is a stranger to rejection. We all experience it at some point in our lives. Who hasn’t been scolded or criticized by a parent?

Acquaintances and friends turn into hypocrites and become judgmental. Boyfriends/girlfriends break up. Projects we put our life and soul into, come right back. Rejected.

Throughout life, there are rejections and snubs. Why, the very word leaves a bad taste in the mouth. And the mind.

If childhood rejections hurt, the adult ones are even worse, especially when someone is sarcastic about something we care about. There are days when we feel so low that even the cab guy who whizzes past without bothering to stop, feels like rejection.

Children, most of all, find it hardest to deal with rejection.

Years ago, when my son was still in school, he put in a lot of effort over a school project for a major event. Schools from all over the region were participating. A panel of judges would go around and choose the ones that would go on final display.

The unspoken question in my son’s mind was, obviously, would his work be chosen? I reassured him that it was perfectly okay to be rejected. Not everyone who participates in a competition can win. Sometimes, participation is just as important.

As it happened, he returned home sad as his project had not been chosen. I secretly felt a little bad as I gently told him to focus on the learning experience. I told him that sometimes rejection can be a blessing and that it is important to keep an open mind and think positive. That didn’t really wipe the disappointment from his face, though, but I knew he would be okay in a little while. Time would do its job.

I advised him to store his project carefully as it was likely to be useful later. As it happened, his project did go on display eventually for another major school event.

We can choose how to react to rejection

Sometimes, rejection can be a gift. And most of the time, it is not personal. When we believe that, we are able to deal with it in a much better way instead of letting it pile up as emotional baggage.

Often, rejection can relate to the other person’s inner issues. If there are situations you have felt bad about, rethink them in this light and see how you feel now.

Reflect on the following:

• We can’t control other people’s actions. Their choices are theirs, based on what they feel and what they want. What we can do is change how we interpret their choice and our response to it.
• Rejection could very well be an opportunity for growth. The suffering is real. Those wounds must heal. We can choose to learn from the experience and grow and move on rather than indulge in self-doubt.
• It is infinitely better to be told the truth upfront even if it hurts than to live in a make-believe world. Obviously, it feels bad when someone walks away from you. But it is certainly not exciting to cling to someone who does not care for you or respects your feelings. So, be grateful to them for letting you go. This way you save a lot of time and energy that you could devote to pleasanter things.
• Learn to love yourself and accept yourself first. The mourning can be shorter and less life-shattering if you love yourself.
• See rejection as a gift — because if you really think about it, you may actually be better off. It definitely opens up avenues for new experiences, better friends, better partners, happier events. Think of it as an experience with truth.

Think about it. You will realize that not all rejection is bad, especially when you don’t take it personally.

Moreover, rejection challenges us to push past our comfort zone and become better versions of ourselves.

What do you think?

A version of this post appeared here first.