Summary

The article discusses the concept of self-pity as a choice, emphasizing personal agency in shaping one's reality and emotional state amidst life's challenges.

Abstract

The author of the article reflects on the overwhelming nature of life's demands, which can lead to feelings of victimization and self-pity. Despite the allure of indulging in these negative emotions, the author advocates for a proactive approach to life's pressures, suggesting that individuals have the power to choose their perspective and response to stress. By organizing and prioritizing tasks, embracing positive affirmations, and drawing on the wisdom of mentors like the author's mother and Anthony de Mello, one can overcome the tendency to wallow in self-pity and instead focus on happiness and productivity. The article encourages readers to recognize that problems are a construct of the mind and that solutions can be found by changing one's mindset.

Opinions

The author acknowledges the temptation to succumb to self-pity when faced with an ever-growing to-do list and life's pressures.
Despite occasional indulgence in feeling overwhelmed, the author believes in the importance of snapping out of self-pity quickly.
The article suggests that reorganizing one's to-do list can provide clarity and alter perceptions, leading to a more manageable outlook on tasks.
The author emphasizes the role of personal choice in overcoming self-pity, drawing inspiration from the teachings of Anthony de Mello, who stated that problems exist only in the human mind.
Recalling happy moments and the advice of the author's mother is presented as a strategy for combating negative thoughts and embracing positive action.
A set of almost-affirmations is offered as a practical tool to refocus the mind on what truly matters and to prevent stress from overwhelming one's sense of well-being.
The author posits that life is too short for negativity and that choosing happiness over drama is a more fulfilling path.

What If Self-Pity Was A Choice?

Because we have the power to create our own reality through our choices.

There comes a time in your life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy.

There are days when my mind feels super-crowded, what with a million things to be done, mingling with thoughts of overwhelm and fatigue. My brain freezes into inaction, with apparently no scope of thawing.

Sometimes I transfer my thoughts, which, these days, usually revolve around my ever-growing (too-much) to-do list, on paper. I jot down multiple lists: work, blogs, home, errands to run outside, book to read and review, craft projects and on and on and on.

Then, when I read what I’ve written, I just end up feeling rather victimized. Oh, I know that is a rather strong word — and probably not even the right word, but it did sound very soothing for a moment! Like a big fat sigh!

Then just as I check something off the list and feel like celebrating with a big mug of coffee, something new comes up, begging to get on that list.

A bit of exasperation sets in.

Do you ever feel like that?

While I love the pressure and am usually overenthusiastic, there are days, especially days like the one I described above, when I wonder how I am going to tackle it all.

Self-pity has a nice ring and can taste good when one feels overwhelmed. I certainly go through brief phases when I enjoy wallowing in it, just a little.

I then shake myself out of it quickly and turn to my favorite task, which is organizing, and re-organizing my to-do list, as though it will magically change things. It does too, sometimes. Funny how a clearer mind’s perceptions change.

After all, I am quite an expert at managing the list. Of late, though, I am not so great at implementing tasks with the same enthusiasm and speed that I once used to be.

Too much digital noise, I feel. My mind now wants to spiral down that staircase where, at each step, there’s something to pull me down deeper into that not-very-nice place. I even indulge in feeling sorry for myself when this happens.

Then, just like in the movies, I hear a heavenly voice echoing in my head — I am sure it is my Mom — saying,

“Self-pity is a choice”

That’s the truth. But you know how truths are. Rather bitter.

Especially if you are not in the state of mind to accept them.

“Problems exist only in the human mind.” — Anthony de Mello

Okay, de Mello, you and my Mom both!

My Mom loved to say “If you can identify the problem, you have the ability to find the solution. What is the point of wallowing in misery?”. Not surprising then, that I turn to her whenever my mind is in slight chaos.

I remember her most when my head feels about to burst with all that freakish stuff going on inside. Recalling incidences and happy moments fills my mind with good thoughts. Slowly, I try to let go of the mental restlessness, and consciously calm my mind.

I know that this too shall pass, however cliched that sounds.

I have a set of almost-affirmations I like to repeat to myself. (Yes, I have it written down so that I can read the list without distraction)

I will squash that whine before it surfaces.
I will calmly take stock of what matters, what must be done.
I will not agonize over my list.
I will prioritize, segregate, focus, and get started.
As I finish each item on the list, I’ll strike it off and celebrate, and move on to the next one.
If I cannot finish something, I won’t let it stress me out.
I will set my mind free and embrace myself.

After all, why should I water my weeds? Life is too short to be anything but happy.

Self pity is a choice. So why not let go of the drama?

What do you think? Would you agree?

A version of this post appeared on Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles

More from me:

Carpe Diem, albeit a little late

But better late than never, as they say.

vidyasury.medium.com

Joy is always in the little things

because the little things build up into big joys.

vidyasury.medium.com