What If “The One” Isn’t Just One Person?

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Abstract

that romantic love is what matters. Platonic love is seen as second best — nice to have but not entirely necessary. Yet, I’ve found the opposite to be true. Platonic love is what matters, and romantic love has been nice to have at times but not entirely necessary to my survival or happiness.</p> <figure id="d0b4"> <div> <div> <img class="ratio" src="http://placehold.it/16x9"> <iframe class="" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fembed%2FsW-x5mYrv54%3Ffeature%3Doembed&display_name=YouTube&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DsW-x5mYrv54&image=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2FsW-x5mYrv54%2Fhqdefault.jpg&key=a19fcc184b9711e1b4764040d3dc5c07&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=youtube" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" width="854"> </div> </div> </figure></iframe></div></div></figure><p id="a88a">It might sound cynical or unromantic, but it’s neither of those things. It’s recognizing that all love matters, not just the love we feel in romantic partnerships. For so long, I thought if I found the person I loved, everything else would fall into place. But I found the person I loved, and he didn’t — in the end — love me back. It was my friends who caught me when I fell, not the person I thought was going to be the love of my life. It was my friends who lifted me through that time — who held me in my grief and dried my tears.</p><p id="bde4">For a little while, I took it for granted. I kept looking for the next big love — not realizing I had found it already.</p><p id="44e1" type="7">It’s not the love story I was looking for or the one society said I would need to find. It was the one that I needed — a love truer than any I’d felt before.</p><p id="cee9">I found myself surrounded by strong women who welcomed me at my most authentic. I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to impress. I just had to show up and enjoy the mutual appreciation society we have going on.</p><p id="ca79">According to the <a href="https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship">American Psychological Association</a>, friendships contribute to better physical and mental health and even help us live longer. Research suggests that having friends can help us find <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_your_friends_are_more_important_than_you_think">purpose and meaning</a> in our lives. It can even help people in romantic relationships experience less stress when they have stronger outs

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ide social support in their lives. It’s not a small thing — and yet society has often minimized the importance and power of friendship.</p><p id="1455">Sometimes, it feels more like a coven than a girl gang or gal pals. We’re strong, funny, and fabulous. We’re complete without needing anyone or anything to make us whole. Most of these friends have a significant other in their lives. They’ve found their love story. Maybe this is mine.</p><p id="941d">To love myself, to love my friends, and to love my life… happily, ever after.</p><div id="b8a0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/should-you-a-get-a-life-or-b-get-a-partner-how-to-tell-the-difference-fd98277587af"> <div> <div> <h2>Should You (a) Get a Life or (b) Get a Partner? How to Tell the Difference</h2> <div><h3>An examination of motivations in modern dating.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*oIChIoMI1qjXw-E5)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c29d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/you-cant-golden-rule-your-way-into-a-healthy-relationship-6ba1f245f98e"> <div> <div> <h2>You Can’t Golden Rule Your Way into a Healthy Relationship</h2> <div><h3>The Golden Rule is out. Energy matching is in.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*AJHaQyPTIsAa7S9B)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="d8f8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-ive-learned-to-practice-gratitude-in-every-season-of-my-life-even-this-brutal-one-9883485f4b98"> <div> <div> <h2>How I’ve Learned to Practice Gratitude in Every Season of My Life — Even This Brutal One</h2> <div><h3>Time is fast, and life is short. I remind myself of this when I want to skip to the next season. I don’t want to wish…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*_gu4YKe7Ns-Xa5og)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Maybe This is the True Love of Your Life.

Society did a pretty decent job of programming my generation to look at relationships as the end game. We were out looking for “The One” before we even knew who we were. Religion told us we had a missing piece, so we went in search of it. Pop culture told us that we would find someone who would complete us, and we didn’t bother to ask if we might have been complete already.

We grew up and tried to make different lovers fit the place in our lives that felt empty. Some of us married and got divorced, married and got divorced again. Others kept looking but never found it. So many times, we thought we were almost there to find out we were nowhere near it at all.

For all the searching and trying, all the loving and losing, somewhere along the way I began to find pieces of “The One” already in my life.

There’s the friend who never judges me no matter how crazy I’m being and consistently shows up for me. There’s the one who challenges me and brings out my best self. The ones that make me laugh. The ones that can be there when I cry. The ones who are happy to go on new adventures. The ones who know I’m not perfect but still think I’m a delight.

Maybe our friends are the true loves of our lives. Partners come and go. I know that sometimes friends do as well, but most of my friendships have lasted longer than any single romance. What if our girl gang is what we’ve been looking for all along? They’re not the missing piece of our puzzles but a whole new way to appreciate our wholeness.

Our friends are the people who truly see us, know us, and love us.

I got tired of swiping left and right on human beings. I got tired of thinking I’d found the love of my life only to find heartache or disappointment instead. I fell in love with myself, and I looked around and saw that my life was already filled with love and validation. I don’t have to be one-half of a couple to be wholly worthy of love or acceptance. When I’m with my friends, I know wholeheartedly that I belong.

Society tells us that romantic love is what matters. Platonic love is seen as second best — nice to have but not entirely necessary. Yet, I’ve found the opposite to be true. Platonic love is what matters, and romantic love has been nice to have at times but not entirely necessary to my survival or happiness.

It might sound cynical or unromantic, but it’s neither of those things. It’s recognizing that all love matters, not just the love we feel in romantic partnerships. For so long, I thought if I found the person I loved, everything else would fall into place. But I found the person I loved, and he didn’t — in the end — love me back. It was my friends who caught me when I fell, not the person I thought was going to be the love of my life. It was my friends who lifted me through that time — who held me in my grief and dried my tears.

For a little while, I took it for granted. I kept looking for the next big love — not realizing I had found it already.

It’s not the love story I was looking for or the one society said I would need to find. It was the one that I needed — a love truer than any I’d felt before.

I found myself surrounded by strong women who welcomed me at my most authentic. I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t have to impress. I just had to show up and enjoy the mutual appreciation society we have going on.

According to the American Psychological Association, friendships contribute to better physical and mental health and even help us live longer. Research suggests that having friends can help us find purpose and meaning in our lives. It can even help people in romantic relationships experience less stress when they have stronger outside social support in their lives. It’s not a small thing — and yet society has often minimized the importance and power of friendship.

Sometimes, it feels more like a coven than a girl gang or gal pals. We’re strong, funny, and fabulous. We’re complete without needing anyone or anything to make us whole. Most of these friends have a significant other in their lives. They’ve found their love story. Maybe this is mine.

To love myself, to love my friends, and to love my life… happily, ever after.