What I Demand In An Affair Partner

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Abstract

y have to know someone for a very long time in order to trust them. Do you want me to meet a stranger in a hotel and have sex with them? That’s essentially what I’m doing. And it’s hard. I haven’t quite figured out what level of trust I need. Right now, I go with gut instinct. If I feel they are spinning me a story, it’s probably a fantastic fairytale. Next!</p><p id="e47b"><b>Respect</b>: Also hard but very important. If you disrespect me, you ignore the important things I say. Things that mean I’ll actually meet up with you. If I give respect, I certainly expect it back.</p><p id="93da"><b>Decency</b>: This should be a no-brainer. We’re all human. We all have lives. So if you think that this person is disposable or that you can waste their time, please don’t. If they are spending time on you, please give some effort back.</p><p id="8210"><b>Friendship</b>: Everyone wants an FWB. There is no FWB without the friend portion. If you can’t stand talking with them or if you have no common ground, why bother? What are you going to do in between fucking each other? Sit there and look at your phone? It doesn’t have to be friends forever but try to build some rapport. Be more than a stranger.</p><p id="7e21"><b>Honesty</b>: Usually the most overlooked. You lie to everyone else except your affair partner. But I think that some lie to your affair partner too. Let’s not waste anyone’s time. If you can only meet once every blue moon, state that. If you only like reverse cowgirl, please state that too. The person you talk with will see if you’re the right person sooner vs later. No one is wasting time.</p><p id="9f9c">So when I chat with men about what I want, I demand

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these things. Some men don’t like my demands as they think it’s too much work, too many feelings, or too close to home. But the good partners know that they will get these bare minimums in return.</p><p id="8185">Always give that which you want to receive. Especially when cheating.</p><p id="efb4"><b>Here’s my article on Gleeden in case you haven’t seen it yet.</b></p><div id="048d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/gleeden-a-cheating-app-made-by-women-20bd1872ebb8"> <div> <div> <h2>Gleeden — A Cheating App Made By Women</h2> <div><h3>My experience with Gleeden</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*F4EqvW5OPVu9kRHX)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d67c"><b>What happens when someone doesn’t listen to you and doesn’t respect you. What happens when you don’t listen to yourself.</b></p><div id="4f25" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/self-hate-after-blowing-him-in-his-car-b2ada5e4b40b"> <div> <div> <h2>Self-Hate After Blowing Him in His Car</h2> <div><h3>I said no but it happened anyway</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*1JC0kRD5MkgiHWiX)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

It’s not as simple as you think

Screenshot by author (Facebook — @PeacefulMindPeaceFulLife, @imdatfeminist)

This weekend, this post popped up on my Facebook feed. Because I focus on the good in life, I get posts and memes about positive things that come up all the time.

This one reminded me of the discussion (more a fundamental disagreement) my coworker and I had about cheating.

I’m still not sure what he was asking for. To this day, I don’t think we understood where the other person was coming from. Just one of the reasons that getting together with him was a bad idea of epic proportions. Daily hellos and sitting across from someone who has had their mouth on your pussy probably isn’t a good idea either.

From his view: An encounter should be simply that. An encounter or experience. It is purely physical, bodies only, and should be simple, easy, and straightforward. No feelings involved. He believed that if you only do oral, it is not cheating. He told me that on multiple occasions.

In my view: As soon as I started sexting with him, I started cheating on my husband. I hadn’t had sex in a long time, but that didn’t mean that I was looking for only sex. I did have feelings, just not the ones he was concerned about.

Here’s what I wanted then and I demand (yes demand) now:

Trust: This one is hard. I usually have to know someone for a very long time in order to trust them. Do you want me to meet a stranger in a hotel and have sex with them? That’s essentially what I’m doing. And it’s hard. I haven’t quite figured out what level of trust I need. Right now, I go with gut instinct. If I feel they are spinning me a story, it’s probably a fantastic fairytale. Next!

Respect: Also hard but very important. If you disrespect me, you ignore the important things I say. Things that mean I’ll actually meet up with you. If I give respect, I certainly expect it back.

Decency: This should be a no-brainer. We’re all human. We all have lives. So if you think that this person is disposable or that you can waste their time, please don’t. If they are spending time on you, please give some effort back.

Friendship: Everyone wants an FWB. There is no FWB without the friend portion. If you can’t stand talking with them or if you have no common ground, why bother? What are you going to do in between fucking each other? Sit there and look at your phone? It doesn’t have to be friends forever but try to build some rapport. Be more than a stranger.

Honesty: Usually the most overlooked. You lie to everyone else except your affair partner. But I think that some lie to your affair partner too. Let’s not waste anyone’s time. If you can only meet once every blue moon, state that. If you only like reverse cowgirl, please state that too. The person you talk with will see if you’re the right person sooner vs later. No one is wasting time.

So when I chat with men about what I want, I demand these things. Some men don’t like my demands as they think it’s too much work, too many feelings, or too close to home. But the good partners know that they will get these bare minimums in return.

Always give that which you want to receive. Especially when cheating.

Here’s my article on Gleeden in case you haven’t seen it yet.

What happens when someone doesn’t listen to you and doesn’t respect you. What happens when you don’t listen to yourself.