Self-Hate After Blowing Him in His Car

I said no but it happened anyway

TigerTail was 12 years younger than me. He was one of the youngest men I started chatting with on Ashley Madison. Younger men didn’t interest me. I was quickly seeing that younger men mostly lacked the maturity I wanted.

Most younger guys started with these messages: What positions do you like? Do you do Anal? And my favorite…do you SWALLOW. …

FUCK OFF! You all can go pound sand.

TigerTail seemed different and a cute fellow. His claim to fame was that he moved here from Africa 20 years ago and loved being a part of our amazing country! He was married with two young kids and like most of the world, was working from home.

So each night as I went to bed, he would come online and send me sexy but funny notes:

TT: can I come hop in beside U? hub will never know I’m there🧗‍♂️🕴

TT: about under the bed? he sleeps eventually…💤💤

We had a very good start to our chat but I found that he was getting very pushy about my decision to not have any sex in a car.

TT: when it’s ❄❄❄out and a 🚗is all you have…🚗 sex can be fantastic….we can both come in a car…😉😉😉

Okay. Enough. Fuck Off with the car sex stuff. I told him repeatedly that I would not have sex in a car. I would not give him head in a car. I deserve better than that. And that every time I suck someone off, they ditch me after.

So enough of the nagging about car sex. If I say no…IT’S NO!

He seemed to get the point after that. I had to threaten ditching our chat, but he stopped. We started to plan a coffee meet.

I was getting tired of first meets at this point. I was tired of telling myself I would not make them come in a car, but that is how every meet ended. I hated myself after. I called myself a whore, stupid and an idiot for being so stupid. I was determined not to do this with Tiger.

On a cold early December afternoon, we agreed to meet in a nearby town between us. He had some Christmas errands to run but could meet me. I got there and waited. And waited. And waited. I had no idea where he was. I was the only person in that part of the lot, so he bailed? I felt as worthless like a pile of dirty laundry.

What was I doing wrong to have men do this to me? It had to be something I was doing. I was sitting there, just ready to give it all up and go back to my lonely bed.

When I was getting ready to leave, he messaged that he was five minutes away. I waited 10 more minutes when he parked next to me. He asked me to come over to his car because it had very dark windows. No one would see us.

I’m pretty upset at this point and feeling like a loser. I mean other women would have walked by now. A long hard dick is not worth feeling this shitty. He apologized profusely and asked me if I had a few minutes for us to talk. I agreed.

We did have a nice talk for 30 minutes before I started to leave. He had been holding my hand up to then, telling me how soft my skin was when he put my hand on his hard cock.

Yes, he had a very hard and very long dick. Any lady that saw the first dic pic he sent, would say HELL YES! He gently pushed my hand into his pants. I was happy to give him a rub as I wanted to see how much I could have in store. I did withdraw a few times and he asked me to keep rubbing.

I hesitated as this is how giving head in a parking lot happens. Wanting to keep it going, he drove us around to the other side of the lot, facing away from anyone. He kept wanting me to rub him and to take him into my mouth. He told me that he didn’t masturbate the night before so I could make him come today.

Seriously! I never asked him to do that. He knows how I feel about this. Why is he doing this? I did keep my hand on his cock, pumping back and forth. But I was starting to feel awful and was getting ready to leave.

He didn’t want me to go. He kissed me and put his hands in my hair and started guiding my head towards his crotch. I jerked back and emphatically said “No! I said I am not giving you a blow job in a car.”

Yet, I am turned on. I am not in any danger. If you think that I couldn’t leave, that is not what happened. It’s still daylight, people are in the parking lot and my car is behind us. I could have gotten out at any time. But I didn’t.

Even though I said no, I was still kissing him, still trying to jerk him off and running my hands all over him. So I wasn’t saying no to everything. I gave him the consent to continue thru my actions.

The next thing I know his hands are pulling down my yoga pants, and his long fingers are on my clit and in my pussy pumping me. He’s frantically breathing, wild with need, begging me to make him come while he’s finger fucking me. I am so lost with need at this point, I come hard twitching under his hands.

He leans back and guides me back to his cock and this time I greedily suck him in. Latching on and drawing down hard, it didn’t take long for him to come. I managed to swallow down a very large load and then sat there winded and confused.

We parted ways shortly after as I was long overdue to get home. I drove home still confused and now hating myself. That night, while I was chatting with Teresa, I realized, wait…I told him no…what does that mean?

I felt like shit.

More than that, I went back on what I determined to be the reason they ditch me. I hated myself for giving Tiger the blowjob when I said I wouldn’t. I despised myself for liking that I gave him head. I was a whore and stupid. Teresa had some very kind words and helped me greatly that night.

No matter what the fallout was, I had to tell Tiger how I felt. That no matter how much my body said YES, when I said NO, he had to listen and not push. He didn’t understand what I was saying at all and blew me off. So I was really clear in my following reply.

Me: If U can’t listen to me in a 🚗, then U won’t listen me in a 🛏. i won’t have that. u can’t do that shit.

He didn’t have anything to say for a reply. He ditched me 3 days later, citing work and home life was too busy to start an affair now. Chat deleted.

Lesson learned. Not to be too hard on myself if I like giving head in a car. The right one will understand if I tell him no.

And if I do make him come in car…well he’s a lucky son of a bitch. Cause I give great head.

Join my on my journey in trying to find my proverbial glass slipper in men. This slipper gave me blisters but I tried it on anyway…

How did I make that first step after 20 years of marriage…see below.