What Happens When Your Negative Mindset Takes Over

Here’s how you can flip the script

Don’t look for trouble if you don’t want to find it~my oldest daughter, Orion, age 8

I have no room for negativity in my life.

I’m not talking about being real and raw with our feelings and moving through challenges. I’m talking about the folks who insist on pessimism for pessimism’s sake. The majority of American culture persists in perpetuating worry and fear-based thinking, through media sources and influential people.

We don’t have to do it. We can choose how we respond to life’s circumstances. Attitude is a big part of what we attract and how we manage challenges. Even those who’ve suffered from harm have a choice within the boundaries of a predicament or unfair treatment.

There’s a recent discussion on the push to stay positive, and it’s ironically deleterious effects. It’s often known as spiritual bypassing, which is harmful. I’ll discuss this important issue in my next piece.

I’m not suggesting we dismiss anyone’s experience by putting a happy face on it. Boundaries and limits are necessary for everyone. This article discusses what happens when people intentionally focus on the negative. A perpetually negative attitude has its own set of harmful effects.

The topic came to mind when we met up with a neighbor.

We went to send off a lovely card to my oldest child’s best friend this evening. Our mailbox is half a block up the street, and we pass three other complexes on our way. Our neighbor came to the fence as we were returning.

Upon arrival, she told me she hadn’t gotten her mail for a week, and suspected certain next-door neighbors had been stealing it. She went into detail, said she was going to install security cameras and catch them. She didn’t even say hello first.

We’ve met before, and she complained about it then, too. Incidentally, we’ve received less mail lately. I told her it could be the mail carriers have reduced hours due to the pandemic. She had such tunnel vision, keeping her focus on the wrongdoings of our neighbors. She couldn’t believe her mail reduction was from another issue. Without proof, she was sure they stole her mail.

She didn’t see the forest for the trees. I also suspect she was targeting people of color since most of them happened to be of a different race or ethnicity than us. When a white person accuses a brown person of a crime, they often confide in another white person. She wanted me to side with her. I wasn’t buying into it.

When we’re constantly looking at what could go wrong, we can’t see what could go right. There’s so much that can go right.

Let’s see what happens when we put a negative spin on everything. Then we can take a look at how to flip the script.

Here are a few byproducts of a negative attitude:

Amazing things won’t be as visible

Constant complaints lead to inevitable disappointment in everything and everyone around you. You’ll become suspicious when nothing’s wrong. You’ll accuse people of stealing or purposely disrespecting you. Your cortisol will rise every time you consider what bad things could happen.

When you focus on negative outcomes, that’s what you’ll see. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whatever we focus on most, we get more of it.

My neighbor couldn’t hear my counterpoints. She wasn’t listening to the possibility of another outcome. When I told her something good, she’d argue for the opposite or flat out ignore me. She didn’t seem able to see any other way. She’s become myopic, only seeing what terrible details of what she saw in front of her. Truth is relative. My truth is hopeful and optimistic.

I took a balanced approach. I expressed empathy without feeding her negativity. I mentioned being cautious of people acting out and being unsafe, but I directed most of my energy to positive outcomes.

A perspective shift can only happen when we make intentions to change our negative outlook. You have to seek out what’s good to find it. Then, you’ll discover much more magnificence out there and inside of you.

Your overall health will decline

I can’t imagine she’s in good health when all she talks about is what’s wrong. I didn’t feel good around her after a few minutes. She does this every day, I suspect. She’s searching for trouble, and it always seems to find her. The longer I ingested the onslaught of complaints about our awful neighbors, I felt my vibration plummet. I started getting physically agitated.

My solar plexus tightened as she started talking about a particular neighbor couple. I felt uncomfortable talking about them because we’re acquainted. I acknowledged I was gossiping, and I didn’t like it. She denied we were gossiping. I wished her well, and we went home.

You’ll repel others

If you keep wallowing in negativity, people won’t tolerate being near you. No one wants to continuously hear what’s always gone wrong and who did it to you. What a way to bring someone down with you.

You need to face your fear, or it’ll eat you up. And you’ll be all alone. Most of us want to find silver linings and blessings in disguise. We don’t want to needlessly suffer. Stop and think of what you could do differently. You don’t need to stay in such a morose state of mind. There’s a way out.

Here are a few ways you can flip your script and see the bright side:

Congratulations, it’s Opposite Day

Anytime you grumble or worry about the worst thing possible (oh, horrors!), immediately think of its opposite. You have to retrain your brain to stop automatically jumping on the negativity train. Save the disasters and catastrophes for the weather. By the way, they’re not happening all the time, despite what you hear.

If you always watch the news (or Facebook nonsense) first thing every morning, try refraining. Try it for a week and see what happens. Replace the habit with any feel-good reading material. I’ll guarantee you’ll have a mindset shift.

I was trying to flip her script for her, but she couldn’t hear me. Besides, it’s not my job to do the flipping. I can only show her what’s possible. If she were to snap out of her complaint fest, she could celebrate Opposite Day, too. We need a tiny ounce of willingness to look on the other side.

Find three things you’re grateful for

After you find three good things, keep searching for more. Write them down, share them with everyone you know. Let that gratitude flag fly. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life,” inspirational author Melody Beattie proclaims. She’s right on. I’ve experienced a feeling of expansion every time I open the gates to gratitude.

Gratitude intercepts your grumbling and rockets you into a new dimension of awareness. When we express our appreciation, our perception and attitude do a 180-degree turn.

Our vision clears. We suddenly notice the people and circumstances surrounding us. And they’re filled with promise. Hope, faith, and love are the undercurrent of the gratitude stream.

I often speak to the power of gratitude. My anecdotal evidence suggests we can overturn anything troublesome with a concentrated focus on our appreciation.

Be of service without telling anyone

By that, I don’t mean installing security cameras for your neighbors. Clean up trash, leave a pair of shoes, food, or a warm blanket for the suffering person you’ve seen wandering up the street.

Interestingly, my neighbor mentioned helping someone in need at one point. I wanted to hear more of this from her. She was a caring human but suffered from her worry and fear. I reckon her act of service shifted her for a time. Giving water to the thirsty can lift your spirit and move you into a loving heart space.

It’s easier to access love for humanity when we’re kind to others. When we love humanity, we notice more goodness in everyone. Then we stop seeing what’s wrong. We’re too busy being nice to each other.

Love rules. Reaching out to someone in need brings us closer to Source, our collective consciousness, and our interconnectedness. We welcome more feel-good vibes every time we help another being.

Final thoughts

We don’t have to continue with a negative mindset. We can get unstuck. Staying in the complaint loop will only make us suffer more. It’s time to step out of our role of victim and martyr and make a choice to feel better.

Whatever we pay attention to, we magnify. Why not focus your magnifying glass on something that feels good in your mind, body, and spirit?

Break your habit with opposite activities or thoughts. Express your appreciation for everything amazing in your life. Shout it from the rooftops. Then help someone out without announcing it. For an hour, or maybe an entire day, you’ll find relief, freedom, and joy. Keep practicing this mindset shift, and you’ll stay awhile.

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