What Do You Miss Most About Being Married?

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of being a couple or the financial freedom it provided.</p><p id="d966">Some feel lonely and miss companionship. Some miss a spouse that became a stranger they haven’t quite mourned. Some miss a lifestyle. Some miss relatives and friends who are no longer a part of their world. Some miss a life they spent years building.</p><p id="e743">Some miss a dream that can’t be recaptured.</p><p id="a1dd"><b>When a marriage ends we are naturally left missing some things.</b> Being a couple and a family wasn’t an aspect of our lives, it was our entire world. You can choose to end a relationship. You can be happy afterward. You can delight in the freedom. But you can still miss one or more things.</p><p id="7cd8">And that’s okay.</p><p id="13dd"><b>Because there’s a joy and a wonder to being in love with someone.</b> And even greater when that love becomes a family. We don’t necessarily have to miss that particular person. Just the part of our lives they once inhabited or an aspect of it. Or the sense of intimate connection.</p><p id="c4fe">Or sadly, how even an unhappy marriage can provide more support systems than divorce, and provide a false sense of partnership.</p><p id="5e6a">I’m happily divorced but I understand missing marriage.</p><p id="e968"><i>If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/membership">become a Medium member.</a> For just $5 a month you will get unlimited access to Medium.</i></p><div id="bf74" class="link-block"> <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/how-divorce-changes-a-woman-dbc239150eba"> <div> <div> <h2>How Divorce Changes a Woman</h2> <div><h3>I lost not only a person but years of my life</h3></div> <div><p>colleenorme.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div>

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I think it’s something different for each of us

Photo by Jennifer Murray: On Pexels

One day I was having lunch with my friend who was a New York Times best-selling author. She had been divorced for years but told me she mourned having an anchor in her world. She missed the security of having a spouse who took care of certain things.

In life, we only have a few anchors. Our parents and our spouse. These are the individuals who give us a sense of being tethered to something that will hold us in place. When and if we need someone to hold onto.

My friend surprised me.

She was a confident and fiercely independent woman. She was wildly successful, had made the rounds of talk shows, and book signings, and had a sizable bank account to accompany it.

“Really?” I asked her. “I wouldn’t miss anything if I could pay my bills.”

The financial stress of divorce is what I found the most difficult. I would have said being a family but my ex-husband destroyed that even before the end of our marriage.

We all miss different things about being married. And we can’t compare them. One person’s form of security or loss is not necessarily another’s. Financial security wasn’t at the top of my friend’s list of needs. And having been raised by a resilient single mother, I didn’t need a spouse to take care of anything.

Some people miss having a partner to talk to, sleep next to, or share responsibilities with. Others miss the sense of family or having to split precious time away from their kids. Some miss the sense of security of being a couple or the financial freedom it provided.

Some feel lonely and miss companionship. Some miss a spouse that became a stranger they haven’t quite mourned. Some miss a lifestyle. Some miss relatives and friends who are no longer a part of their world. Some miss a life they spent years building.

Some miss a dream that can’t be recaptured.

When a marriage ends we are naturally left missing some things. Being a couple and a family wasn’t an aspect of our lives, it was our entire world. You can choose to end a relationship. You can be happy afterward. You can delight in the freedom. But you can still miss one or more things.

And that’s okay.

Because there’s a joy and a wonder to being in love with someone. And even greater when that love becomes a family. We don’t necessarily have to miss that particular person. Just the part of our lives they once inhabited or an aspect of it. Or the sense of intimate connection.

Or sadly, how even an unhappy marriage can provide more support systems than divorce, and provide a false sense of partnership.

I’m happily divorced but I understand missing marriage.

If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. For just $5 a month you will get unlimited access to Medium.