Summary

Comedian Pete Holmes's routine provides insight into the transgender experience by humorously illustrating the brain's perception of gender dysphoria, likening it to the brain's unique ability to visualize, hear, and control internal thoughts and sounds, ultimately encouraging acceptance and exploration of one's own mind and experiences.

Abstract

The article reflects on a specific joke by comedian Pete Holmes that sheds light on the transgender experience through the metaphor of the brain's peculiar capabilities, such as visualizing objects, hearing internal sounds, and controlling the volume of thoughts. Holmes's comedy is used as a lens to understand dysphoria, which is described as an uncontrollable and intrusive feeling akin to an internal sound at a volume that cannot be adjusted. The author of the article draws a parallel between the joke and the personal struggle with dysphoria, emphasizing that while one cannot control external triggers, they can prepare for and choose their responses to these challenges. The article concludes with a message of self-acceptance and the importance of embracing every aspect of one's life, including the discomforts, to achieve a sense of wholeness and authenticity.

Opinions

Pete Holmes's joke is seen as an effective tool for explaining the concept of gender dysphoria to a wider audience in an empathetic and humorous way.
The author suggests that dysphoria is a persistent and challenging aspect of the transgender experience, comparing it to an uncontrollable volume of discomfort triggered by certain experiences.
There is an acknowledgment that while one cannot always avoid situations that cause dysphoria, personal growth comes from being prepared and responding constructively to these situations.
The article posits that embracing one's own humanity, flaws, and all, is crucial to personal development and overcoming the fear of rejection or emotional pain.
The author endorses Pete Holmes's philosophy of exploring every facet of life as a means of respecting and understanding oneself, which has been transformative for their own journey.
The author encourages readers to support their work through various platforms, indicating a desire for the message to reach a broader audience and for the community to engage with the content.

What Comedian Pete Holmes Taught Me About Being Transgender

At least as much as he taught me about comedy

Graphic by me, photos from Dirty Clean (HBO) and Unsplash (Aron Visuals, Sara Rampazzo, and Natasha Connell)

Your brain is that weird best friend you can’t get rid of. It’s the weird best friend that laughs at jokes you know aren’t funny. It’s the weird best friend that pokes fun at the weirdest insecurities a person could ever experience. What’s worse, it’s good at it.

Then there’s Pete Holmes, that weird comedian you’d never want to get rid of. He’s got a joke that illustrates some of the weirdest brains in the world. You know…the kind where the gender in your brain may not necessarily match the gender of your body.

In the space of about thirty seconds, Pete tells a joke that helps us understand the experience of dysphoria, why it’s so ****ing hard to overcome, and how to embrace the source of that suffering as our new best friend.

Is that a joke?

It’s an incredible joke, not just because it makes us laugh, but because of why it makes us laugh.

With the payoff of the joke, Pete Holmes does what pretty much every writer wants to do. He’s not even done with his story, but already, he has hooked his audience with the power of an epiphany.

Just for a moment, everyone in that audience is the smartest person in the room.

The Joke

The joke comes from his HBO special Dirty Clean: Dirty Clean Transcript (Scraps from the Left)

Your brain has eyes

Pete Holmes: Like, I’m so tired of not talking about this. Your brain is weird. Your brain has eyes. Like, you have eyes, but your brain also has eyes that sees things that only you can see.

Like, picture an orange. Keep your eyes open but picture an orange. The ****? (laughter) Like, really do it, keep ’em open, but think really hard about an orange. What the ****? Just for a second…bink! Just a giant orange.

Your brain has ears

PH: Like, your brain has ears. Seriously, it has ears. You have ears, your brain also has ears. Sing “Happy Birthday” in your head; we’ll all do it. Everybody sing “Happy Birthday” in your head right now. (laughter) How are you hearing that? I’m serious, what the **** is going on?

Your brain can control its own volume

PH: Make it louder. Let’s sing it again, but make it as loud as you possibly can. Ready? Go. (laughter) Was it louder? Clap if you think it was louder. (applause) Clap if it wasn’t louder, the voice was just going, (shouting) “Happy Birthday…” (applause)

Sometimes that volume is beyond your control

PH: Okay, so you can’t make it louder? So there’s just a set volume for your thoughts? How do you know your set volume is the same as my set volume?

You’re not crazy

Maybe [for] some people it’s louder, maybe that’s what crazy people are. They’re not crazy, they just have a ****ed up volume.

The punchline

Dysphoria may as well be your brain’s volume run wild. The sound your gender makes is like Pennywise taking their wonderfully manicured nails and raking them across a chalkboard.

Much as I wish I could turn off that feeling like a light switch, dysphoria might be with me forever. My brain might have a set level at which it screams any discomfort I feel about my gender. All it takes is the right trigger.

One of my triggers is when I have identifiably transgender experiences. Not the experience of Being Trans, for which I have Pride, but the conflict that comes from having trans experiences in the modern world.

And in the modern world, I can’t control whether I encounter or experience conflicts from being trans. I can only control whether I’m prepared for those conflicts — and how I respond to them. Especially the ones that come from inside me.

“I was always drowning in my own humanity, forever a spectator to the love and oneness I had heard stories about, like I had been sent away from the party for wearing the wrong clothes. But in this moment, I realized no one had the authority to send me away. There was no doorman. I was the doorman. Hell, I was the party.” ― Pete Holmes, Comedy Sex God

The pain from dysphoria can be so much that instead of building a person beyond that pain, I build a person who only knows brief moments of relief. I become the kind of person Pete obsesses over, the kind so overwhelmed with the fear of being hurt, embarrassed, rejected, or just flat out hurt emotionally that I don’t do the things I can do.

I become so filled with fear that I don’t do the things that would make me whole.

But in another special, Pete spoke to the inner truth motivating so much of his comedy: “The way to respect your life is to explore every corner of it.”

Following that advice changed everything for me.

I discovered that my brain, like in that Pete Holmes joke that got us started, is my weird best friend.

That weird best friend comes with all kinds of things I don’t like about them. But they’re also that weird best friend with all kinds of delightful surprises.

The kind of surprises I’d never know until I let go of the things that don’t work and make space for the things that can.

Dirty Clean is currently streaming on HBO.

If you like my work and want to support it, send me a tip or become a subscriber for Translating Everything on Patreon, Medium, YouTube, or Substack

What Matt Damon Taught Me About Being Transgender

“Thank god I didn’t **** anybody over for this”

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