JUST DON’T CALL THEM CHESTICLES
Weirdest Slang Terms for Breasts, Explained
Or, how I learned the British really like the Bristol Cities
I knew that there were a decent number of slang terms for breasts. I’ve heard them. I’ve used them. But when I came across the weirdest crossover article ever from Cosmo/Yahoo Finance, I learned that there are 99 problems and the breasts ain’t one.
This article came up with a whopping 99 terms for the mammary gland, and although I’d heard of some, a lot were foreign to me — which is surprising because I have breasts.
Let’s explore, shall we?
In their ‘common’ column, we have the expected boobs, boobies, ta-tas, melons, and coconuts. There were a couple I hadn’t heard that do make sense to me. I’d put Milk Monsters and Cream Pies in this category. Then there were the ones that were a total mystery.
Thanks to Urban Dictionary, I learned that Fiery biscuits is from the British comedy show The Mighty Boosh. And I’m now a total fan of the term.
Baps is British too so maybe I’m forgiven for that ignorance. It’s a take-off on the bap which is a soft bread roll. No fiery biscuit, but sure I’ll bite.
Twinning
The next category deals with the dual nature of the “twins.”
We have Mary Kate and Ashley, Minnie and Mickey, Phil and Lil, Pinky and Perky, Mario and Luigi and The Mitchell Brothers, which I thought odd until the Urban Dictionary informed me that The Mitchell Brothers were bald twins from another British show, the EastEnders.
Then there are Ant and Dec who were the talent hosts for Britain’s Got Talent.
What is it with the Brits and their breast slang?
No to the Snuggle Pups
I could do without this whole category. From puppies to cat flaps to udders, it’s all a no-go. Mosquito Bites is a playground insult. Spaniel’s Ears are velvety and floppy and belong to dogs.
Wattdogs is even the name of an adult coloring book about “funny names that men have for boobies.” I want to know the person who would buy this coloring book. Probably the same person who still giggles at the name boobies. Also, I have no idea what a whattdog is. If you do, please enlighten me.
I did it all for the Noogie
The list has a section on cute names too. If you think noogies, buds and bips are cute, then consider yourself covered. I do admit I’m partial to ‘The Girls.’
Not so much for Lills and Babs. I think it sounds too much like little babies. Bab is indeed an informal term for baby. In fishing, it’s also a bait for eels. Fiery biscuits, where are you when I need you?
Just don’t call them Jubblies
There were so many in the catch-all category that were Greek to me. In no particular order:
Norks: Australian slang, from the large cow udders used to advertise Norco, New South Wales’ North Coast Dairy Co-Operative.
Chebs: Scottish slang for breasts, etymology not known
Chebblies: Unknown but my guess is a play on Chubbies
Wabs: From the Brits. Again.
Chesticles/Breasticles: No, just no. A breast is not like a stalactite.
Bristol Cities: Brits. Obsess much?
Babylons: Is this because they bring men to ruin?
Jubblies: “incredibly unwieldy and unimaginative ice lollies”
Charlies: Another from England. Pervs. Maybe derived from King Charles II and his bevy of mistresses.
Dongles: Maybe the female penis? Not sure, but the coloring book guys are back. Is it weird that neither book has breasts on the cover? They aren’t afraid to put out a coloring book on Babylons but they won’t represent a real one on the cover. Or is that henna tattoo-looking thing supposed to be a breast? It’s a mystery. Just like the word dongles.
Naughty Pillows
The last section is captioned “grim names” as if the 75 proceeding ones were super jolly. While Fleshy Mounds, Mud Flaps and Upper Bollocks are on the list, so is Naughty Pillows which doesn’t sound so grim to me. Naughty Pillows is not to be confused with Dirty Pillows which is what Carrie White’s insane mom called breasts, thereby causing her daughter to massacre everyone at prom.
At least she didn’t call them chesticles.
Betsy Denson is also happy to just call them breasts.
More from Breast Stories.
