Update: My Grown Children Won’t Leave Home, I Think It’s Time For Drastic Action
It looks like things are going to work out for us after all
I published an article on January 12th that was fairly well-received, at least for me called “My Grown Children Won’t Leave Home, I Think It’s Time For Drastic Action”. I was surprised by it actually because it was a piece on the frustrations I have living in the same house with my grown children.
I received a good many comments on the article, all positive by the way. This too I found surprising. Some, however, did inject a little blunt motherly advice that I took as positive — they were just trying to help and I took it that way.
Additionally, I was reminded that the situation I am complaining about, having 6 adults living under one roof, is normal in many parts of the world. I knew that, but I neglected to take it into consideration when I was complaining. I know that culturally, this is the norm in many countries. I appreciate and respect that.
My complaint arose out of the fact that this isn’t how I was raised, nor were my parents, or my grandparents. I suppose I should have considered how times have changed — maybe.
Come on! Have times really changed all that much
When I think about it, have times really changed? None of us, okay almost none of us that is, came out of school and bought a home. I wasn’t that privileged. And no, I wasn’t kicked out of the house, I left on my own accord. I wanted to move out and live on my own, and I was willing to work multiple jobs to do it.
I rented, I was broke, but I was happy and independent. And it sure as hell didn’t kill me. It built character, and let me tell you, I’m a character. Even when I was broke I never asked my parents for money, it wouldn’t have seemed right and I somehow I managed to survive.
Okay, I’m going to sound old here, but I don’t see this fire in many younger people. I don’t know why, but something has changed. I don’t know if it’s some feeling of entitlement, or something else, but that American “go-getter” attitude seems to be lacking. I see this firsthand in my girls mostly.
My son had a different life experience and has been on his own before. First in the army and then after he got out, so he knows what it’s like. He wants this independence back and I don’t blame him a bit.
My girls on the other hand, never give it a second thought about quitting a job they don’t like. I’ve never left a job without having another one lined up. They, on the other hand, expect that Mom and Dad will toss them the life-ring. So far they’ve been right and that is completely our fault, but the generosity in that respect is over.
Things are looking up
Fortunately, the 3 oldest ones are all working and have the financial means to support themselves with the help of roommates.
My daughter and her spouse have confirmed that they are moving out at the end of July, as has my son. We suggested that the three of them move in together, maybe rent a house. It will be much more affordable for them. They’re all open to this and it will benefit each of them (and their pets) with their different work schedules.
My other daughter, my youngest, is going to get a pass this go-round. She was working a seasonal job that unfortunately didn’t turn permanent, so she is again unemployed. She also has some other issues to deal with. Her continuing to live with us a while longer is less of a concern. She’s a good kid and is extremely helpful to her mother and me in many ways. The others are the complete opposite unless they are asked to do something they don’t voluntarily do it. I guess they figure it’s included in their rent.
The good news is that even with her staying, we can proceed with our plans to downsize. The rent in our current home is steep, to say the least, and this move should save us a good bit of money.
Final thoughts
The last point I want to make is that I hope I didn’t give the impression that I don’t love my children or want to see them. I do love them and would do anything for them if need be. And I do want to see them and be around them, I just think it would be better if we weren’t all living under the same roof. It’s time.
As it turns out, it looks like things will work out for us after all. I used some of the advice given in the comments of my previous article and learned from others that have experienced a similar situation through the stories they shared to discuss the situation with them. They were receptive and had already planned on leaving. They just forgot to let us know I guess.
It’s always nice to know that we aren’t alone in our struggles and that there are others out there that can help.
Now it’s time to start planning in earnest for the future. It’s looking bright for us indeed.
Until next time…
Nima Sakhtemani writes about digital minimalism using Apple products and applications. If you are new to the Apple ecosystem or simply wish to pick up a tip or two, give Nima’s series a try.
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