My Grown Children Won’t Leave Home, I Think It’s Time For Drastic Action

I hate to do it, but I think I need to show them the door

We had the best of intentions

I’d love to blame my predicament on COVID-19, but if I did it would be a lie.

The problem began in 2018 when my wife and I decided to sell our house and move to downtown Phoenix, AZ. My wife wanted to try living in an urban environment because it would get her close to “everything”. It did accomplish this and she was happy.

The second reason for the move was to get my oldest daughter closer to the college she was attending, which so happened to be in downtown Phoenix. Reason two accomplished.

As a safety net, we decided to rent instead of buy. We didn’t want to be stuck long-term if it turned out we didn’t like living there.

As it turns out, we are in our fourth year in this rental.

The first draft for the nightmare has the makings of a Steven King novel

When we moved in, the family consisted of my youngest child (an adult), my older daughter, her partner (now spouse), and my wife and me. Yes, that’s 5 adults in one house.

In 2019, my son lost his roommate and needed to give up the house they were renting. My wife out of the kindness of her heart offered him the one empty room we had left in the rental house while he found somewhere else to live. It’s now 2022 and he is still living with us.

If you are keeping count, that’s now 6 adults living in one house. And I won’t mention the dogs we have living there as well.

After 4 years of this, my wife is finally sick of it. I’ve been sick of it for — well 4 years now, but I needed her to come to the same conclusion on her own.

Over the past couple of months, we‘ve been talking about buying a piece of property and putting a small house on it. Something in the area of about 1,000 sq. ft. Something too small to have 6 adults living in. Something we (my wife and I) can call our own.

When we signed the most recent lease we told everyone that this would be the last one and that they would need to start considering what they were going to do when it was over.

It’s January 2022 and the lease ends July 31st. Has anyone shared their future plans for life after the lease? No, no they haven’t.

The nightmare takes a financial toll, and boy does it hurt

I don’t think they realize the financial toll they are taking on us. For a while, they contributed nothing financially because they were either in school or unemployed. This went on for quite some time, primarily during the worst of the COVID crisis. Today, fortunately, they’re all working and they now contribute toward the rent, though not as much as they should.

The problem here is that there are many more expenses, which my wife and I are covering that they don’t contribute to such as electricity, water, sewer and garbage collection, internet, and food. To be fair they will purchase some food items when we ask them to, but only then.

These items combined amount to over $1,000 every month out of our pockets. And this is all before we pay our credit card bills and other personal bills unrelated to the house.

In conclusion, I’m taking the first step by admitting it’s all my fault

Now please don’t think that I’m laying the blame for my situation on anyone else, it’s all on me. My wife and I let this happen — it’s completely our fault. We invited this upon ourselves and now it is up to us to fix it.

I’m going to suggest to my wife that we have a “come to Jesus” meeting with everyone in the house and remind them that on July 31st we are out of here. This will give them over 6 months to come up with a plan for what they are going to do. I think this is more than fair. I love my children with all my heart, but enough is enough. At 31, 28, 28(my daughter’s spouse), and 24 years of age, it’s time they get out on their own.

We supported them while they attended college, my older daughter has a bachelor’s degree and two master’s degrees, we supported her spouse while they finished their bachelor’s degree and we supported them while they looked for work. I think we have been more than generous, but there comes a point where one feels taken advantage of. I feel that that time has come.

As my wife and I approach 60 we’re looking forward to spending time together — alone. We have always been there for our kids and will continue to be, but I think the time has come for us to start planning for the next chapter in our lives without roommates. I think we’ve earned it.

Unfortunately, to do this we may have to resort to kicking them to the curb. It’s for their own good and our sanity.

Until next time…

Mark Ellis primarily writes about everything Apple, devices and apps he uses for his business, and product reviews. He has a great conversational way of writing and I really enjoy reading his work. Give him a go if you have an interest in technology and Apple products and services in particular.

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