TV Sex Confuses Me
It doesn’t make any sense
Recently I’ve taken to analyzing any sex scenes on TV. I’m bewildered by what I see. The programs I watch aren’t porn or even very raunchy. My recent Netflix binges have been OZARK and The Alienist and a couple of films. My usual fare is sci-fi and fantasy — middle of the road viewing.
There is a lot of sex, though: It’s all very dull and incredibly quick. And none of it makes any sense to me. No matter whether it’s a film or a series, the sex follows the same formula.
- Sex always follows the first kiss
- There is no talk of consent, condoms, or contraception
- The girl never has her period or a tampon in
- A wave of the hand in the crotch area indicates complete sexy time access, though the lover’s clothes don’t move
- The couple get straight to the main event with no foreplay
- The girl is groaning and ecstatic straight away
- The sex is over in a few seconds
- The couple go their separate ways immediately
In every instance, there is a kiss and then straight into sex. No doubts, no-one saying they want to go slow, nobody saying anything at all. If you kiss, you have sex. That’s it.
I’ve only seen one instance of a character checking for consent. It’s concerning that TV and movies haven’t updated their story lines to role model a respectful relationship. In many cases, the lovers are teenagers, and their steamy clinch is portrayed as their first foray into dating.
“Sexuality surrounds us like a dangerous aura. The same reverence that is given to the spirit is not given to the flesh. We have had a sexual revolution, but the sexual revolution only has made sex more pervasive. It hasn’t granted the level of reverence and respect that it should have.” — Gioconda Belli
We are all influenced by what we see on TV. My perception of a courtroom or prison is shaped by what I have seen at the movies. In my world, and in my head, I am confident I know all about both. I’ve seen it on TV, so I am adequately informed.
Why am I rambling on about courtrooms and prisons? Because young people with no experience might take TV sex to be the norm. And it’s not.
There is not only 1) no consent and 2) instant sex, but there are no condoms or any talk about contraception either. Once or twice we might see a guy delving into his pocket for a condom, but he doesn’t say anything. Just scrabbles for the condom, and off they go like rabbits. Do men always carry condoms in their pockets? Maybe young men do.
The girl never has a tampon in or a period either. I’m less concerned about this than the consent/condom thing. Do we really want to hear about periods and bleeding while we are relaxing? Actually, why not? It’s perfectly natural, and the workings of a woman’s body have been demonized for years. Maybe a quick, “It’s not a good time right now, I’ve got my period,” would cover it. Or even (gasp), “That’s OK, let’s do it anyway.”
“Aside from sex itself, nothing so fundamental to human life has led half the population to be oppressed, mocked, demonized and ostracized quite so universally as menstruation.” — The Crusade for Menstrual Equity by Brian D. Johnson.
The protagonists also have different clothes than the rest of us. The lovers kiss and start grinding away. A wave of the hand in the crotch area, too low for us to see, and ‘poof’ the inconvenient barriers of clothes are removed.
What sort of jeans do these people wear? Do they dissolve at the mere wave of a hand? Maybe there is a spell, but I didn’t hear the words. Maybe the zips on television jeans go right round the back and up to the waist. How can the girl be having sex without her jeans moving at all?
“Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.” ― Jackie Kennedy
Sometimes, the first kiss is the only kiss. What is happening? Have I gone mad? Notwithstanding the issue around clothes, what happened to the foreplay? There isn’t any. And women’s bodies don’t work like that. Just saying.
“Kissing — and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing — is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.” ― Drew Barrymore
Only twenty five percent of women can consistently orgasm by penetration. The rest can’t. But the TV women are all writhing and moaning with pleasure for the thirty seconds, kiss free, no foreplay, bonk that is their lot.
After the quick and dirty tryst, the lovers put on their clothes, and off they go. This all seems very odd to me. Maybe I’ve turned into my grandmother. I had a good moan to my sister about it all today. She thinks this is what sex is like for young people, and it’s us that are out of touch. How sad.
“Maybe our generation is more about sex, but it feels like romance is dying out.” ― Orlando Bloom
When things go wrong, look out. I was horrified to see Ruth (OZARK) react badly when her lover couldn’t get an erection because of his bipolar medication. She was really horrible to him.
But he took it all on board, came off his pills, and had several manic episodes: Then his sister, Wendy, was forced to kill him off. All’s well that ends well. After all, Ruthie can’t be expected to put up with a limp penis.
Summary
The way sex is widely portrayed on TV worries me. When I started writing this story it was intended to be humorous and light. The more I wrote, the more concerned I became.
Do young people think TV sex is what should happen in real life? Do women accept it? Do men like it? I know that porn has affected young men’s expectations of what happens during sex, but are maybe mainstream TV programs as much to blame.
I understand that sex might be part of the plot. But I don’t understand why we are subjected to such an unrealistic representation of sex on the screen.
Maybe we should revert to the custom of former years, where there is a kiss, a bit of steamy eye gazing, then in the next scene the couple is waking up in bed together. Why do we have to witness the act of penetration? It’s not erotic or sexy, and it’s vastly inaccurate.
As in the title of this article, TV sex confuses me. But I’d like some of those magic jeans. It would make peeing so much easier.
Here are a couple more of my stories…
