TRANSFORMATION|RESTORATION|EMBODIMENT
Turning Points: Embodying More of Yourself
Life’s pivotal turns are an opportunity to embody more of who you are
I Feel Sick
Twenty-four years ago, my husband and I were excitedly expecting our first child. As a final bit of couple time for some years to come, we booked and anticipated a break in Sorrento, Italy.
We thought it would be a relaxing holiday, but it turned out to be a bit of a disaster. We had booked coach trips to visit Mount Vesuvius and Pompeii.
Traveling by air, bus, boat, or car on long journeys is not my forte, let alone when pregnant. The slightest bit of turbulence, and I feel sick.
I hadn’t realized how many twists and turns were on the Italian roads. The coach journeys did not agree with my restless growing baby, and we had to continually stop the bus so I could get off to be sick. I felt mortified, but everyone was very understanding and kind.
Eventually, we had to find a smooth but longer route back to our hotel by train. There was no way I could stomach stepping back on the bus, and besides, it wasn’t fair to the other passengers to continue holding them up on their trip.
On one of the days, my husband and I were happily strolling through the square when some young boys kicked a football hard into my swollen belly. I reeled in shock and disbelief, followed by tears.
The Spiritual Journey
Well, my point in that little story is to explain how my spiritual journey has felt. Sometimes, roads get bumpy, with many twists and turns. Have you ever felt that horrible, sickly anxiety that feels as though your stomach has been punched?
At times, thoughts have arisen of wanting to get off life’s rollercoaster with all the highs, lows, sharp twists and turns, dips and elevated times.
Did I choose this? Knowing myself better today, probably yes.
I often say, “Let’s do it” and later realize things often don’t go as expected.
The lesson - Prepare for the worst and never have expectations
A Turning Point
There have been many turn points in my life. The main one was the day I made the final decision to completely release myself from the dysfunctional family system I grew up in.
The last time I saw my mother was at a “family meeting”. My father had died a few months earlier, and the control system was in full swing. Access to my family home was often controlled and restricted. I learned later that it’s a common abuse tactic.
I left the family home that day at my lowest point, broken and in floods of tears, making a vow to myself that I would never see or engage with them again.
That time in my life felt excruciatingly painful, and the only way I could describe it was a feeling of utter powerlessness.
Scapegoat Abuse
Family scapegoat abuse is rarely discussed or even heard of, yet surprisingly common. Finally, waking up to the truth of, “What happened to me?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?” hit me hard like a bolder.
The scapegoat of the family is the one who tells the truth about the glaringly obvious flaws and injustices going on. Sadly, rather than receiving support, they experience gaslighting from the rest of the tribe.
Likely, they are mentally clear, spiritual and even the healthiest, but the family unites together, convincing themselves they are not the problem. Blame is then projected onto the scapegoat, more commonly phrased as “black sheep”.
The comforting thought of a “family” means so much more to them than calling out the abuse of one of the members. And, if they admitted it was happening, they would all have to own up to their complicity.
The turning point came, and so did the beginnings of my spiritual growth journey. There are no unicorns, fairies, and rainbows in spiritual growth. Oh no, that’s laughable, you are going to have to pull yourself up from ground zero when everything you had built comes crashing down around you.
Feeling broken into thousands of pieces, and not knowing where to begin or which piece to pick up first, we slowly and methodically recreate and restore ourselves into something new.
And when you have reached that new level of restoration, along comes something else to crush you, only you’ve been here before. You know it will pass, and you know and trust you will come out the other side renewed and restored to an ever better version of yourself.
And so it continues..
To Conclude
- No matter how difficult your life journey gets, always stand in your truth and core values.
- Remain rooted and firm, and allow some flexibility, as not everything goes your own way.
- Life is sometimes unfair, but how you deal with that is the strength of your character.
- Embodying more of who you are will mean you set yourself apart from the group- Be you anyway.
Every time your heart is broken, a doorway cracks open to a world full of new beginnings, new opportunities.
Patti Roberts
Thank you Liberty Forrest, Author for the writing prompt
Daniel Ng Open, honest and authentic
2020 -The year of the dark night of the soul.
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