Tuesday Musings on ILLUMINATION — We Mean What We Say, Right?
Wrong.
Dead wrong.
In fact, being patronised is commonplace.
Do you recognise the tell-tale signs in a conversation?
We love to believe that we are genuine in our conversations. That is simply not the case and that applies to both self-talk and with others. Have we ever stopped to wonder why we patronise others the way we patronise ourselves?
There must be reasons we do so.
In fact, there are a few I can immediately think of as I pen this short reflection piece.
Are you ready to read what I have to say?
Here is the first one.
“Yup, Okay.” — That means “I caught that soundbite”.
We know that we don’t want to hear this from others.
Yet we say this to others.
Isn’t this fascinating?
Let’s think back.
Why do we say this?
We could be busy, so we say “okay” to buy breathing space in order to finish the pressing tasks at hand.
We might be annoyed and not want to explode hearing the same demands over and over. Say, we didn’t wipe the table clean after dinner?
Whatever that reason — I think we say that and it translates to “Heard you. Just not now”.
Take note.
There might be an element of frustration as well.
“No worries, I am fine.” — That means the Exact Opposite.
That is a double ticking time-bomb waiting to explode.
It is obvious that the person in concern is not fine.
That is why he / she appears that way in their body language and facial expressions.
And we are been programmed to be society-mature.
That means we tend to hide our real emotions so we do not risk destroying the social network we are in.
At this juncture that we hear this statement, the person (ourselves included) is expending a lot of energy to suppress the undesirable emotions.
So, naturally, they are not fine.
How should we interpret this?
Just translate it “No worries, I am fine” to “I think you need to leave me alone / you need to buzz off for a moment for your safety.”
I understand that some people need to be pacified so just allowing to explode in our face will help to defuse that immature bomb before it grows too late.
Whatever it takes, just remember one thing.
They are not okay.
That is for sure.
“I hear you” — This translates to Nothing.
I wonder who invented this expression.
And this expression is sprinkled all over conversations in the workplace, as if it is pepper on the pizza.
Is this about prolonging the thinking time because we are still thinking about what to say and how to appropriately respond to the speaker?
Or maybe we are trying to fill the airtime in the conversation because we truly have no opinion on the current conversation?
Whatever the reason — Take note.
“I hear you” is a natural filler.
It must lead to something.
If it doesn’t, we have to ask.
We have to poke their minds and mouths further.
To a point where they can tell us what they are truly thinking.
As a species, we are truly fascinating.
Words are expression of our thoughts and emotions, and more often than not, we do the exact opposite.
“Yes” can mean “Yes”, “Yes” can mean “No, “No” can mean “No”, and “Maybe” is a “No” in disguise.
Maybe we should start saying what we actually mean.
It makes Life infinitely easier.
Right?
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About the Author:
As a Consultant by training, I believe in making the complex simple.
Because simplicity adds value.
Simplicity helps us gain clarity, and clarity helps us to grow.
And if we are not growing, then what’s the point of anything else?
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