Trying to Change Somebody Is the Worst You Can Do
How to accept people for who they are
Do not try to change people. Change your perception of them.
We tend to throw labels: disrespectful, judgmental, insecure, jealous, lazy, ungrateful. Labels are images you project onto people. Your assumptions about them.
The truth is: everyone is already perfect. We do not see it because our assumptions become the story we live. Change how you perceive people, and their behavior will shift. Love them unconditionally. You can do it from afar. But with all your mind and heart, love them. Not for their satisfaction, but for your prosperity.
How would you feel if you were treated with respect and full-blown love you know you deserve? You would not be anxious about how they are going to show up. You would not give them the leverage to deteriorate your mood. You live with the utter conviction that nobody can influence how you feel about this magnificent, diverse, magical world you get to live in.
The best mindset to cultivate: “I do not love you because you treat me special. I love you despite that because I find love within myself, and that is why I get to see it in others as well.”
Just like we love people because they treat us right — the affection is conditioned upon their behavior. That is not real love. Just like you criticize somebody because they are rude to you. You can embrace them as they are. You do not have to spend time with them or do favors for them, but accept their nature and move on. Do not try to bend the external reality. Change your attitude towards it, and your reality will shift because you have already changed inwards.
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
— Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Let go of the picture you think someone should behave. Stop enumerating what somebody is not and how much it frustrates you. Let that image go. Step into the reality where they are already perfect. Accept them as perfect.
Do you want your mother to stop bugging into your relationship? See her as someone who lives her best life, happy, whole, awake, caring for her family. Set boundaries, but do not try to change her by shutting her out, shaming her, or trying to manipulate her into being who you want her to be. That attitude only begets frustration and moves you further from who you truly are.
Do you want your partner to show his commitment to your relationship? See him as a whole, awake, masculine energy, who respects your boundaries and shows you care. How would you feel? Calm, relieved, loved, seen. There is nothing to prove. There is nothing to change. There is no need for loud behavior to attract somebody’s attention. You do not seek any confirmation that somebody treats you better.
Seeking validation is a downright form of manipulation. In fact, you want to force upon somebody the change to make you feel better instead of providing it yourself. You want to manipulate their energy to suit you. That is forcing. And forcing always means resistance. You want to manifest a change from a place of lack. How can that stand for love?
What we cultivate inside, we project on the outside.
Instead of using up all energy on finding faults in others, employ it to dive deeper into self.
Whenever people bug you, there are probably some parts of yourself you do not accept. Whenever you criticize, you probably talk down to yourself as well. Whenever you blame others, it is so because you do not know how to fill the cracks within yourself.
It is all an illusion.
Until you accept yourself, every nasty piece you consider imperfect, nobody is going to soothe you or treat you with love.
Nothing inside you is broken. Just as nothing in this world is left to fix. It is only your perception that makes it so. Things can shift overnight. People experience a change of heart. The world of tomorrow can be a more beautiful place just because you wake up and count your blessings, not fears.
Your world is perfect imperfection. You came here to learn acceptance. Full unapologetic, unconditional acceptance of yourself, of another human being, of this planet.
Unconditional love will set you free from the constraints of limiting beliefs you picked up throughout your life. Are those misconceptions perfect? Of course not. But you still get to understand where are they coming from.
When you understand that your assumptions about the world no longer serve you, that your aloofness creates more loneliness, that your hostility makes you more bitter, then you get to change your story.
Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
— J.K.Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Instead of regurgitating the same old narrative, start chanting new beliefs.
People treat me with respect.
I accept people in all their diversity.
I make room for the new beliefs to serve me.
I am loved. I am cared for. I am safe within myself.
The world is a perfect place.
It all must come from within. Do not expect the outside world to change you. You need to step forward willingly to make it happen. Do not wait for somebody else to make you happy. Do not linger around for the passionate relationship to make you feel alive. Become passionate on your own. Fall in love with your life. Fall in love with the new version of you. Starting from now.
Give yourself permission to be bold, blessed, and thriving. Give yourself permission to step into a new mental clarity and change your experience.
With love, Kasia.
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