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rried…and sell ads to hookers for 20 years? You get laid with multiple partners. If the amount of pussy a guy’s gotten in life is a measure of his success, I’ve done pretty well. Not crazy, mind you. I can’t even approach the numbers my old clients have achieved. But still…you get the idea.</p><p id="9c6e">5. <b>I haven’t had my heart broken by a woman in 45 years</b></p><p id="6b3a">I didn’t like it when it happened. And I vowed it would never happen again. It never has! Mind over matter and self-control is the key. I’ve excelled in both arenas. I’m a winner!</p><p id="1496">6. <b>I had great sex with women who could not upset me emotionally</b></p><p id="c874">I had that. It was awful. I got over it. Nobody likes a relationship with more pain than pleasure. My relationships were mostly pleasurable — and not painful. And that’s a victory right there.</p><p id="4fcd">7. <b>The day I became a millionaire I had nobody reaching their hand out</b></p><p id="2255">That’s right. I’m the guy who would win the lottery and tell <i>nobody!</i> Nobody knew…so nobody bugged my ass for loans and such. It was just me, a six pack of beer, and me hoisting one with the guy in the mirror.</p><p id="6337">8. <b>I gained so much knowledge and experience from being harassed by the government and spending a year in a shithole prison with douchebag criminals</b></p><p id="6c21">Everybody wants to know what prison was like. I almost felt like a celebrity when I got out. When I called friends to tell them I had Paul Manafort as a celly and Jeffrey Epstein as my homey? They went fucking nuts. I turned a prison sentence into fame and fortune. Only a winner could do that!</p><p id="1252">9. <b>I already have a following on Medium of people who “get” me</b></p><p id="73a7">Admittedly, a very small following. But they’re people and writers of substance. Up, up and away. I have a new constructive path in life. That’s winner stuff right there!</p><p id="e1b7">10. <b>I’m fucking loaded</b></p><p id="7f9b">When the IRS raided me, one of the agents shook his head at how modestly I was living and commented “you could have been driving a Maserati” as he gazed on the bicycle in my kitchen. If I wanna buy a house in the country, all I have to do is wri

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te a check. If I wanna take a 6-month cruise around the world? I write a check. I wanna buy a Maserati? I write a check. Enough said.</p><p id="5250">Of course, this is a silly exercise and study in bipolarity. Or is it simply a showcase on perspective and optimism v. pessimism? You be the judge. I just write this shit for kicks.</p><p id="07e7"><b>More Top Tens:</b></p><div id="15e7" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/top-ten-reasons-im-a-failure-at-life-55c94061447c"> <div> <div> <h2>Top Ten Reasons I’m a Failure At Life</h2> <div><h3>Hey! A little introspection never hurt</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*AceJELfiNcSdJGB2o5wcag.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ec16" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/top-ten-ways-to-not-attract-the-girl-of-your-dreams-b90a7218f237"> <div> <div> <h2>Top Ten Ways To Not Attract the Girl of Your Dreams</h2> <div><h3>So many ways to turn off a woman…so little time!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*1SydTKlYyYvFnqieEFlomw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="d3cd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/top-ten-reasons-ive-dedicated-my-life-to-succeeding-on-medium-698a1f86ac59"> <div> <div> <h2>Top Ten Reasons I’ve Dedicated My Life To Succeeding On Medium</h2> <div><h3>Hint: Because I have no life</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*_uIFMJ3zcgi_9NuO3we1Hw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Top Ten Reasons I’m a Winner At Life

The glass is half full today

There have been a few people in my life (mostly hookers) who’ve accused me of being bipolar. But it’s all bullshit. I just went off on them verbally for being the presumptuous, spoiled, egomaniacal, and self-centered monsters they truly were. Bipolarity had nothing to do with it.

Still, in the interest of a little more self-psychoanalysis, I expand on yesterday’s Top Ten about what a loser I am…to today’s: Top Ten Reasons I’m a Winner At Life. Here goes:

1. I have no children or wife to make my life miserable

Kids today! Who fucking heeds them? Can you imagine having one of your own to ruin your life? Not me, y’all. I’ve seen the havoc children have wrought with other family members. No thanks. I’m better at being an uncle than a father.

And wives? OMG! Talk about a money pit! I think of all the men who used to visit my hooker clients because they either didn’t want to have sex with their wives — or their wives didn’t want to have sex with them. There’s a misery I don’t want to experience. And owing to having never wed, I avoided all the drama.

2. I love my life without responsibilities

I get up in the morning and I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I wanna jerk off? I jerk off. I wanna take a bike ride? I take a bike ride. I wanna climb a mountain? I climb a mountain. And nobody’s around to editorialize on my daily decisions. Sweet!

3. My life is full of accomplishment

I go on You Tube…and I can find a dozen records I produced, none of which I placed on the site. Somebody did it for me. I google myself and I see multiple images and references about articles I’ve written for major news outlets. I’m big time. Don’t even try it!

4. I’ve had an army of sex partners

News flash: You play with bands on the road…never get married…and sell ads to hookers for 20 years? You get laid with multiple partners. If the amount of pussy a guy’s gotten in life is a measure of his success, I’ve done pretty well. Not crazy, mind you. I can’t even approach the numbers my old clients have achieved. But still…you get the idea.

5. I haven’t had my heart broken by a woman in 45 years

I didn’t like it when it happened. And I vowed it would never happen again. It never has! Mind over matter and self-control is the key. I’ve excelled in both arenas. I’m a winner!

6. I had great sex with women who could not upset me emotionally

I had that. It was awful. I got over it. Nobody likes a relationship with more pain than pleasure. My relationships were mostly pleasurable — and not painful. And that’s a victory right there.

7. The day I became a millionaire I had nobody reaching their hand out

That’s right. I’m the guy who would win the lottery and tell nobody! Nobody knew…so nobody bugged my ass for loans and such. It was just me, a six pack of beer, and me hoisting one with the guy in the mirror.

8. I gained so much knowledge and experience from being harassed by the government and spending a year in a shithole prison with douchebag criminals

Everybody wants to know what prison was like. I almost felt like a celebrity when I got out. When I called friends to tell them I had Paul Manafort as a celly and Jeffrey Epstein as my homey? They went fucking nuts. I turned a prison sentence into fame and fortune. Only a winner could do that!

9. I already have a following on Medium of people who “get” me

Admittedly, a very small following. But they’re people and writers of substance. Up, up and away. I have a new constructive path in life. That’s winner stuff right there!

10. I’m fucking loaded

When the IRS raided me, one of the agents shook his head at how modestly I was living and commented “you could have been driving a Maserati” as he gazed on the bicycle in my kitchen. If I wanna buy a house in the country, all I have to do is write a check. If I wanna take a 6-month cruise around the world? I write a check. I wanna buy a Maserati? I write a check. Enough said.

Of course, this is a silly exercise and study in bipolarity. Or is it simply a showcase on perspective and optimism v. pessimism? You be the judge. I just write this shit for kicks.