SHSHSHSHSSHHSHSHSSHHHHHHHHHSHhsshhH!

Top 7 Susurrations of 2022 — So Far!

Careless whispers

There have been many great susurrations to choose from so far this year. Oceans abound, as do wind, trees, and grasses. Distant highways. The hours before difficult conversations. The slow, low whine of the black dog of depression. The white-noise machine that drowns out the self-lacerating musings of your PTSD. Those were all fun!

But none of them stuck with us as much as the seven below. Our team of experts went far and wide tracking these susurrations in the field. Enjoy.

7. “wwwwwwwwwwfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffwwwwffwwwwww”

Field Notes, May 1. The wheat fields. The wind. The wafting. The wafting.

6. “shsshshsshshshshshhssshshshshshhshwwwwhshshhss”

Field Notes, June 23. The air of the room moving through the fur of Ursula, the black cat, sleeping on your face. Embracing you, loving you. Caressing your cheeks and eyelids with her murder claws. Infiltrating your nostrils. Disturbing the cilia. Triggering allergens. Stealing your air. Like a good cat should.

5. “hhhhhŭhhhhhhhŭhŭhŭhhŭhŭhŭhHHHHH”

Field Notes, February 25. The soup was very hot.

4. “ — ^ — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -& — * — — — — — !”

Field Notes, March 13. Awake at 1:00 AM. The silent roar that accompanied you staring at the ceiling, feeling the sick, attenuated misery of this new dark hour being birthed by the return of the hideously fecund engine of despair we call “Daylight Savings Time.”

3. “hhhhhhhhhhhhhsssssssssssssssrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllll”

Field Notes, April 12. When your husband pointed to a word on his phone and asked you how to pronounce the name of the first phenomenologist, Edmund H.

2. “wwwwwzzzwwwzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzss …”

Field Notes, April 4. The initial wave of the mycological revolution! “Down with meat privilege and vegemony!” they yelled, “The fungus is among us!” Our last moment of true joy.

1. “ffffffffffFFFFFFphphphphphphfffffFFFffphphph”

Field Notes, January 2. The synesthetic thrum of your disbelief — call it a wild surmise! — as you heard friends expressing optimism about the new year, the pandemic, US politics, and humankind in general. Very similar to the background noise of the universe discovered in 1965 by Penzias and Wilson, who demonstrated that the Big Bang created the most fundamental elements of the universe: hydrogen, misanthropy, and spite.

If you’ve encountered susurrations that you think should be on this list, let us know in the comments!

Wouldn’t you rather be laughing? Read more from Gary Chapin or click on the image below to check out MuddyUm!