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Abstract

farm in the country.I think that I shall never see — a literary device as lame as iambic pentameter.In the winding spires of his wit Oscar Wilde called Ekphrasis shitOne day Allegory went on a journey in the woods and met Onomatopoeia, and Onomatopoeia said, “Hork hork hork.”Allegory said, “That word doesn’t sound like what it is.”Onomatopoeia responded, “I know. It’s ironic.”Allegory said, “What? You’re Irony?”Onomatopoeia said, “No. If I was an iron I would sound like, ‘fffssssshhhhaaaawwwwwww.’”Allegory said, “That’s very onomatopoetic.”Onomatopoeia said, “I know! Right?”Allegory stabbed Onomatopoeia, but before Onomatopoeia died, it asked, “Why? Why did you do that?”Allegory said, “I could do no other. It is my nature.”And the moral

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of this story is that Allegory is a dick, and Onomatopoeia can’t read the room.I could go on forever, until the Earth fell into the sun, to the end of time, first star on the right and straight on till morning (which is a lame literary allusion, but all Allusions are lame!).I remember a time, back when I was kid sitting in the front room with my Momma. The sun shone through the window and lit up the dust motes. She was doing macrame and listening to the Lovin’ Spoonful. I could smell the brownies cooking, and I knew that she loved me. I could feel her love. Then she turned to me and said, “Stop this. Flashbacks are stupid and trite.”That’s why she was the smartest, most beautiful woman on the planet, with a soul bigger than Jupiter, and why all the other literary devices are just skid marks on the dirty underwear of literature.Hyperbole is the best. The greatest. The only.</article></body>

THE BEST ARTICLE EVER RUN ON MEDIUM

Hyperbole Is the Greatest Literary Device in Human History

Everyone is saying it — Everyone else is fearing it

Thinking about the unutterable dominance of hyperbole (image PD, from the film Detour)

Hyperbole is the greatest literary device in human history, if not longer. Furthermore, hyperbole is light years ahead of the pack! No other literary device even comes close.

Metaphors are dying on the vine. Metaphors are a spent force. Metaphor has shot its wad. Metaphors are roadkill. Metaphors are kicking the bucket.

Juxtaposition is like a fish riding a bicycle.

Euphemism has gone to live on a farm in the country.

I think that I shall never see — a literary device as lame as iambic pentameter.

In the winding spires of his wit Oscar Wilde called Ekphrasis shit

One day Allegory went on a journey in the woods and met Onomatopoeia, and Onomatopoeia said, “Hork hork hork.”

Allegory said, “That word doesn’t sound like what it is.”

Onomatopoeia responded, “I know. It’s ironic.”

Allegory said, “What? You’re Irony?”

Onomatopoeia said, “No. If I was an iron I would sound like, ‘fffssssshhhhaaaawwwwwww.’”

Allegory said, “That’s very onomatopoetic.”

Onomatopoeia said, “I know! Right?”

Allegory stabbed Onomatopoeia, but before Onomatopoeia died, it asked, “Why? Why did you do that?”

Allegory said, “I could do no other. It is my nature.”

And the moral of this story is that Allegory is a dick, and Onomatopoeia can’t read the room.

I could go on forever, until the Earth fell into the sun, to the end of time, first star on the right and straight on till morning (which is a lame literary allusion, but all Allusions are lame!).

I remember a time, back when I was kid sitting in the front room with my Momma. The sun shone through the window and lit up the dust motes. She was doing macrame and listening to the Lovin’ Spoonful. I could smell the brownies cooking, and I knew that she loved me. I could feel her love. Then she turned to me and said, “Stop this. Flashbacks are stupid and trite.”

That’s why she was the smartest, most beautiful woman on the planet, with a soul bigger than Jupiter, and why all the other literary devices are just skid marks on the dirty underwear of literature.

Hyperbole is the best. The greatest. The only.