Summary

This is a satirical article written in the form of a song, criticizing the low pay for writers on the Medium platform and demanding more compensation from the platform's CEO, Tony Stubblebine.

Abstract

The article is titled "Tony! Toni! Tone! It Feels Good" and is a satirical piece written in the style of a song. It is a commentary on the low pay that writers receive on the Medium platform and a demand for better compensation. The lyrics of the song criticize the platform's CEO, Tony Stubblebine, for not paying writers enough and suggest that he should pay them more generously. The song also references other writers who have written similar pieces about the issue. The article includes a link to a poetry challenge prompt that inspired the piece.

Opinions

The article criticizes the low pay for writers on the Medium platform.
The lyrics of the song demand more compensation for writers from the platform's CEO, Tony Stubblebine.
The article references other writers who have written similar pieces about the issue.
The article includes a link to a poetry challenge prompt that inspired the piece.
The tone of the article is satirical and humorous, using a song format to convey its message.
The article suggests that paying writers more generously will make them feel less "greedy" and more valued.
The article ends with a plea to the platform's CEO not to remove the writer from Medium and promises a future poem professing love to him for being a friend of free speech.

UNCENSORED VERSION

Tony! Toni! Tone! It Feels Good

To pay writers more

Tony! Toni! Tone! Image: Wikimedia Commons

Pay your writers as generously as possible Then you’ll feel less greedy It’s up to you — Pass out raises or keep paying us in seed

If the stingy label makes you enraged, then increase our pay If you don’t think it’s funny, don’t pay 1990 money Don’t demonize what’s profane, paying lint and pocket change

Dimes and dimes again, although I’m your Friend Oh, you have needs too? Let us service you

It will feel good to finally afford groceries It’ll feel good choking down your babies It will feel good warming inside our bellies It’ll feel good chewing your load for the team

Will it feel better if you hear us say your name?

ah, ah, Tony

This one-sided sixty-nine, call it sixty-eight If we swallow you, will you compensate?

And now it’s understood, you fancy fellatio Let me roundup rebel Friends of Glory Holes It’ll feel good to submit to you, guzzling 4X more from balls so blue But when milky jizz drips, be ready to pay

ah, ah, Tony

One whole night of fun, wallets full of ones, cleaning out your pipes, now you won’t be so tight

It will feel good, defending why we need profanity, why you must not punish erotica — Read Roxy Wright’s I Took A Cock In Ibiza

ah, ah, Tony

Met Sir Smillew, quite a funny fella, told me Tony’s got a pelt like Cruella Standing in line, our throats painted white Edward Swafford taught us all the tricks We’re suckin’ CEO dollars from dick Tony Stubblebine’s now more than a Friend

ah, ah, Tony

We kept strokin’ with our hands We all got down on our knees Maybe you don’t have a soul, pimpin’ us for pitiful pennies We didn’t even scrape our teeth We see you’re still pumpin’ hard Should we open every hole? See we’re not selfish just impoverished

Can you pay more, sir?

Tony Stubblebine, please don’t eighty-six me from Medium. And if you comment on my love song, I promise a future poem professing my love to you for being a Friend of the First Amendment with a spectacular sense of humor.

It just might include the lines “Put me in Coach, I’m ready to praise…today…look at me…no longer…on my knees.”

This is my entry to Smillew Rahcuef’s no rules poetry challenge like no other:

Would You Like Tony to Give You More Money?

Poetry challenge alert

medium.com

There are far better entries (sans the need for pineapple juice), but I couldn’t resist when I saw this challenge and instantly thought of Tony! Toni! Tone! Check them out:

From Patrick Eades