To Share Or Not To Share, When You’re A Writer, That’s Always The Question

Am I smart or just a coward?

Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others. Robert Louis Stevenson

Have you ever done this?

You write an article, edit it meticulously, add the pictures, publish it, and then delete it.

That’s what I just did, and I’m conflicted.

It was a true story. Dark and hilarious. A story about finding love but with a twist, but when it came time to put it out there, I choked.

I’m not nervous about curation jail. I keep reading about it, and it sounds terrifying, but I get curated enough to think it probably doesn’t apply to me right now if it is a thing.

My curation rate, however, is average at best, so ticking people off is not on my to-do list.

But here’s my question: how far is too far?

Is there such a thing as too much information when writing?

The story in question wasn’t anything weird or kinky. It was about sweet revenge, but my husband thought we came off as being “sad dicks.” (His exact words.) I knew even then that my actions were reasonably petty. However, it was true, nonetheless, and I still think it was pretty funny.

It was the first time I knew, beyond a doubt, that my husband was the man for me.

At first, I thought, who cares; it’s my story, I’m going to own it. But as the day wore on, my resolve thinned like frosting on a hot cinnamon bun, which is unusual for me because I ordinarily don’t care what people think.

So in the name of “showing up,” I’m posing this question as a stand-in for that story.

Before I started my writing journey, last year, I consider myself a songwriter, first and foremost. It’s what I did throughout my 20’s and early 30’s and was how I preferred to tell my stories.

I like the cover that songwriting gives.

People relate to songs personally; even if you write a song about yourself, people are thinking about themselves when they listen to it. It’s an emotional journey to get caught up in. This can cause us to bypass analyzing individual lyrics for the overall “feel” of a song. I’m comfortable with that.

I feel more anonymous when I write a song.

To me, songs are the snack of the writing world. They can be sweet or spicy, salty, or savory, a little something for your psyche to chew on, an energetic lift when your brain gets peckish.

They’re a bit of a treat.

Prose, on the other hand, is more of a meal. It’s a big plate full of something to chew on. You need to prepare and present it properly if you don’t want your readers to choke on a bone. You need to and pay attention to what you’re doing.

I see these Medium articles as something in between.

They’re lunch.

Smaller portions but just as flavorful. The best kind of fast food. With the right amount of fat and salt, something to fill you up and get you through your day.

But like your favorite lunch spot, if it’s unsatisfying, you might not come back. If it lets you down, you’ll probably just move on.

You might give a restaurant a second chance for dinner.

Maybe the appetizer fell flat, but the main course was fantastic. Perhaps you liked the atmosphere, or it could be a great deal with large, satisfying portions on the cheap; when it’s dinner, there are more ways to draw you back.

But lunch is something you don’t have time to waste on. If it’s not satisfying every time, you won’t be inclined to try again.

I don’t want to serve the curators a lousy meal.

I also don’t want to alienate or piss off any readers, I have a few followers, and I’d like to keep them. I want to stay in the circle; I love being part of this.

So when does honesty bleed into self-indulgence, and is that even possible? I thought the best writing came from the soul, from experience, from what you know and what you’ve lived.

If this is true, then should we ever hold back?

If it isn’t immoral, illegal, or harmful, does it matter if it’s just sad and petty? Will readers lose respect for me, or will they laugh and feel closer to me because I’m real? Will they be able to relate, or will it just make them cringe?

These are real questions I’m struggling with because I have a lifetime’s worth of cringeworthy stories. Stories that are embarrassing and filled with regret.

I also have stories about exacting sweet revenge on a few deserving individuals that I have no remorse about whatsoever.

But on the other hand, I feel like I’m doing my best work when I’m steering the ship towards inspiration and kindness.

Does telling a story about myself in a not-great light make my readers think I’m a hypocrite? Or do I just seem imperfect, like everyone actually is?

Then I have my job. Where I deal with toddlers, loving and guiding them to their full potential daily. In that role, I am a helpful and generous taskmaster, keeping them on track to becoming good citizens. I have to be my best-self to coax the best self out of my little charges.

Can I be all of these people? Or do I have to suspend one so another can live?

Does putting myself out there mean I should be more myself or less? If I have to block off part of myself, why is that and is that even honest?

Do you feel like you can be yourself — all of yourself when you write?

We’re all complicated people. There is a lot to each of us.

Are we allowed to be many-sided with angles and shadows? Or should we only show one side of ourselves, the bright, shining side that loves only light and lives to please?

Even in this wide-open world of writing, am I still expected only to be one thing?

My husband liked the article, he thought it was funny and sharp, but he also thought it might rub people the wrong way, which might be bad for business. After all, I don’t use a pseudonym.

It was a valid point.

Would knowing the whole of me cause someone to think less of my skills and experience? Would my daycare parents suddenly lose respect for me, would people who enjoy my self-help articles think I’m actually a jerk?

In the end, I thought I’d better play it safe, so I deleted the article.

I guess anyone who wants to hear it will have to wait for an invitation to my home for a drink and a visit. It’s my go-to story after I get a couple of cocktails into me.

Do you have that one story that you’d love to tell, but you won’t? Are there things you’d only divulge with a pseudonym? Do you think cringeworthy stories make for the excellent reading?

I’ve been asking myself these questions.

As far as my own foray into sharing, I’m left wondering if I’ve been smart or just a coward.

No one reveals himself as he is; we all wear a mask and play a role. — Arthur Schopenhauer

Thanks so much for reading!

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