To be interesting, stop being interested — and do this instead.
To be interesting, be interested
Sounds fair.
People want to be listened to. And Dale Carnegie knows his stuff.
But if you ever really try this out for yourself, you’ll find that it only gets you so far as being a nice person. Which is good. And we should all aim for that.
But that won’t make you INTERESTING.
That’s the problem with punchy little lines, they cannot possibly tell the whole truth.
I used to be a “nothing to gossip about”.
I was walking to a lecture with a couple of college friends. They were telling me about how, the day before, they had listed the flaws of everyone they knew. Including themselves.
“But we couldn’t find anything wrong to say about you.”
She said it as a compliment. But I know it was true. Because she was clearly a little disappointed.
It startled me.
I felt like an outsider. And I wish there was something about me people could gossip about.
I observed my behaviour.
And I came to the conclusion that people thought I was a perfect, obedient little girl. A good listener, polite, smart-ish, silent, submissive. Just a little fat, perhaps?
But perfectly uninteresting.
People would often forget my name. Or my whole existence.
Then everything changed.
A couple of years later, I signed up for a language chat. I needed to improve my English.
And because I was reading the Odysseus at the time, I chose the name Circé.
In Greek mythology, Circé is the original witch, daughter of the Sun God, she lives on a remote island, and enjoys transforming people into monsters and animals.
People were interested in Circé.
They asked for her opinion. They were even flirting with her openly!
I never really left this language community. And to this day, when an old face pops up. They remember me.
I had become interesting.
It took me some time to understand how I had done it
At first, I thought it was the name. Original, but easy to remember. But then, if a name is all it takes, then all the people with fruits or made-up-syllables names would be instantly interesting.
Maybe it was the story? But people were not so familiar with the story of Circe. Even, as it turned out, people who were named Ulysses.
Then I went through a dark period where I thought it was because they didn’t know what I looked like. So I met with a couple of people in real life. That didn’t seem to change anything.
When I had exhausted all my insecurities, I finally found the answer.
I had added some rough edges to my personality.
The change of name and the new environment had allowed my private and public personas to merge.
So I was still listening. I was still polite. I was still introverted.
But I would also speak my mind, joke around and flirt openly.
I shared opinions. I bit back.
And suddenly, people had something to remember me with.
To be interesting, make an impact.
Listening to people, and being interested, makes you polite. It’s a great skill. But if you don’t couple it with sharing, it won’t change anything.
There is nothing as uninteresting as someone who always agrees.
So, have opinions.
Disagree.
Tease a little.
Banter around.
Talk about your adventures, experiments and mistakes.
Answer weird questions with weird answers.
Make an impact.
And I promise people will find you interesting.
And it helps to :
