This Is My Sex Drive In My 40s
Velocity.
After I had my first child in my mid-30s — I lost my sex drive. Completely.
This isn’t particularly uncommon for women after they’ve given birth, however, it certainly caused a strain within my marriage for years.
My partner felt unwanted, sexually frustrated, and disappointed. I get that. And I don’t blame him. Unfortunately, sex simply wasn’t on my agenda most of the time.
My libido was non-existent for a few years. I thought it would pass. It didn’t. Not for a long time.
Enter my 40s.
My partner and I had been struggling for a while with my lack of wanting to initiate sex and my general exhaustion which naturally comes with managing children and a household on limited sleep.
But it was more than being tired. I just wasn’t feeling it.
However, I noticed that after I turned 40 and now a few years into my 40s, my libido has suddenly shot up to the Nascar level. The velocity with which my sex drive has returned has been quite stunning, to say the least.
I had always heard that legend of how once women reach their 40s, they essentially hit their ‘sexual peak’ which apparently can be quite significant and amazing — not to mention the talk of gloriously intense orgasms.
So here I am. In my 40s. And most definitely peaking.
I have not experienced this kind of sex drive since I was in my early 30s. I almost forgot what it felt like.
So why am I suddenly experiencing more of a desire to have sex? And not only that, why are my orgasms so much better? Hormones? Maybe.
The truth is that no one is quite sure why many women in their 40s start having more of an appetite for sex. No one has yet to definitively link hormones as being the reason for an increased sex drive for women in their 40s, although as perimenopause begins, our hormone levels dip and spike at different times. Estrogen begins to drop, and if the testosterone is steady, then that testosterone gets a massive boost.
Your sex drive (or libido) can also be attributed to multiple influences that can be psychological, physical, or social.
There is the theory that women in their 40s are just more comfortable with their bodies, therefore creating less inhibition during sexual activity, as well as factors such as having a partner who has undergone a vasectomy which can add an extra element of freedom within a sexual relationship which can make it much more satisfying.
Other theories for an increased libido as we get older could be having children leave the household, meaning more privacy for a relationship to experiment sexually.
Another theory is that women who have not yet had children by the time they are in their 40s might experience an increased desire to procreate to ‘give it one last shot’.
All of these theories make sense — and there may be all kinds of different reasons for all different kinds of women.
One thing I can say for sure is that my new turbo-speed sex drive has taken me by surprise (much to my partner’s delight, of course) and I’m feeling thrilled to have it back again.
My orgasms are the best they’ve ever been — and because of that — my enthusiasm to have sex is peaked because I know that the sex is going to be fruitful pleasure-wise.
It’s also helped my relationship. Though sex alone doesn’t make a relationship, it certainly helps with sexual intimacy when both partners are mutually sexually satisfied.
This is one part of getting older so far that’s not so bad. With aging sometimes comes unexpected velocity.
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