Sex/Marriage
The Sex Hack That Refreshed My Marriage
It’s worth a try.
Recently, I finally figured out what was missing in my sex life with my partner — and it wasn’t the answer that I thought it would be.
While wading through thoughts of how to keep our sex life feeling more exciting and less routine, I started thinking back to when my husband and I were first dating. Scenes began flashing through my brain, reminding me of our very first kiss and our first make-out session.
It was pretty hot between us back then.
I remember how that initial flush of passion took over with our first taste of one another — how we strained against our clothes feeling that sense of mystery and anticipation as to what would come next. Would we take each other’s clothes off? Would we go all the way?
Granted, at the time my now-husband and I first started dating we were both in our thirties and previously divorced so it wasn’t like we were naive teenagers.
But THAT feeling. That tangible sense of sexual chemistry between us was fantastic as if we were teenagers again. That first kiss. That first make-out session. The whole scene is nestled like an Easter egg in the ‘fond memories’ part of my brain.
This is what had been missing in our sexual interaction with each other.
Instead of greeting one another with wide-eyed passion and then rolling around together in our clothes not knowing if we’re going to have sex yet or not, we get into bed after long, grueling days taking care of other people’s needs only to look at one another and say, ‘So are we having sex tonight or not?’
If we do decide to have sex — guess what we automatically end up doing most of the time? We immediately strip our clothes off while already laying in bed.
However, if I’m being truly honest with you, only my husband fully strips down because I always keep at least one pajama pant leg wrapped around my ankle in case a child needs me suddenly in the middle of the night and I tend to get pretty irritated if I can’t find my pants in the dark.
There is no mystery in how we initiate sex. There’s no suspense like there is in making out with our clothes on and feeling my partners erection through his jeans while we kiss.
And this is what was missing.
Obviously, we can never recreate the exact mood from our very first date when we made out like bandits not knowing where the night — or the relationship was going.
However, we can start making out with our clothes on and feel that same friction that’s created when you don’t have immediate access to one another.
We can even stop the make-out session and prolong the wait for actual sex. It’s a great long-term couple sex hack.
Having a partner who loves you and desires you sexually is absolutely fantastic — but having immediate and predictable access to that partner can get a bit old — especially in the sex department.
If I’ve learned anything from my experience with infidelity, it’s that the thrill of feeling like what you’re doing is a little bit forbidden is the key to why so many people cheat. It’s that little bit of something or someone different. It’s the mindset that you’re not supposed to be doing it — but you are anyway.
Perhaps long-term couples can’t ever get that exact feeling of new passion back but there is a way to create that sense of teenage excitement and remember what it was like when you first got together with someone new.
So, leave your clothes on and make out with your partner. Don’t just assume you’re going to have sex with each other right away (even though you know you probably will eventually.)
It’s worth a try.
