This is my 10-Year Army Veteran Anniversary
10 years ago this June I waved goodbye to my dream
This story about my military anniversary is about losing a dream.
My Training
Let’s travel back to Korea. Actually, no, let’s go back to high school. In high school I started running a lot and lifting. I would exercise 1.5 hours before school and 1.5 hours after school. For two years. As seen in the picture, I wore real tight shirts in high school.
Before that I was still slightly athletic and enjoyed sports.
I lost 5 lbs. in my curl record by going to Army Basic Combat Training. In high school I did a 55 lb. dumbbell 5x with my left arm and 3x with my right arm. After Army BCT I did 55 lb. 1x with my left arm and 0x with my right.
In the beginning:
So, in Korea I trained my buttocks off. I had a goal I reached for, an undisclosed goal. There was something in the Army I wanted, so I put my boots on and did my best at the time. In Korea I worked 4 days on and 3 days off in 12-hr shifts; I went from day shift to night shift in 3-month increments, for 2 years.
Each weekend I was on the shift rotation, where I switch from night to day or day to night. I would stay up after the 12-shift on my “Friday” for the next 12–16 hours and exercise. I rotated between running and rucking. My iPod Classic back then only ran for 5 hours. I would ruck or run, whichever it was that weekend, until my iPod powered off. Then I would take the trek back to the barracks. In those 5 hours I only took two 10-minute breaks. I was motivated to prepare for the application process!
Would it be good enough?
It was not until after I left Korea and went to Fort Polk, LA that I felt a change in my body and my mind. It is common practice in the Army to see where the “new guy” in the unit is at, physically. In Korea, it was an unauthorized run the sergeants took us on that lasted from 6:30 am to 8:30 am with no breaks. Upon ending the run, there was no one else left in our group aside from me and two sergeants (good try, sergeants, I played soccer in high school ha-ha!). In Fort Polk it was similar, but they pushed hard in the allotted PT time. The people right out of basic training did not do as well. But, for some reason I think I did better on the 10-miler than I did in Fort Polk and I noticed it. Unfortunately I did not have any mentor there and apparently leaders only care about developing the most promising.
Fort Polk pushed physical training more than Korea did, hence why my Platoon Sergeant in Korea allowed me to complete my own physical training and cut me from most platoon PT formations. In Fort Polk we had running teams based on running performance. Alpha Team, Bravo Team, and Charlie Team. I ran in the Alpha Team. On running days we did about 4 miles a day. Every mile we would stop and push out some strength training, then back to running. We would watch Bravo Team pass us as we did strength training, then we passed them back before our next mile. On Bravo Team’s turnaround point, we did one more 1/2 mile one way, did another strength training, then ran the whole way back. The last 1/4 mile was a sprint.
I did not feel “it” anymore. No push. No motivation. Lost. No one to follow anymore. In Korea I had a few hotshots there I followed: a former Special Forces Group Officer, Medic Sergeant-turned-Military Police (earned an Expert Medic Badge, Combat Medic Badge, Airborne Wings, and an Air Assault Badge), and two other soldiers who had the same goal.
Goodbye
I said goodbye to the dream I had worked for in Korea.
Once I got to Fort Polk I knew it couldn't happen.
I was small-boned and for that I did not work out well enough, I found out. My back and other bones started de-crap-iting already by that time. I just did not do things the right way in Korea and injured by joints and bones.
To this day I get arm-collapsing wrist pain if I do a regular pushup, after the second pushup. I have to do knuckle pushups. Almost bulging disc in my back; it twisted and slipped down, almost fused with the lower one, per the x-ray— took the chiropractor 5-6 visits to get the first crack in. And more. I couldn’t think that the undisclosed Army MOS (army job) I previously pursued would want anything less than a top athlete. It’s either I meet standard or I don’t. I’m humble enough to stand down.
What Went Wrong
I gave the dream up because I couldn’t be who the instructors of that unit would pick, physically. Although physical is not everything to them, it still is a factor people must meet.
There are people out there who studied their life away for 8 years to become a doctor and did not pass the medical board. It happens to a lot of people in different fields.
The ruthless fact I learned at an early age was this:
Just because I did not do anything “wrong”, doesn’t mean I did things for a specific goal right.
That is why I’m in the field I’m in now. This time the only things in my way is academic. And I think I can fight the opposition now. My Korea Motivation is back.
That is 1/4 of the reason why I founded the nonprofit I did. My new dream was to be the guy who had the capacity to guide others correctly. To give others what I did not have back when I needed the information and guidance.
That dream is: how to develop men and women, in their personal individuality, to be the greatest they can. I am still in pursuit of that dream. The pay in the North Carolina Mental Health system is screwing that up, though. I relentlessly, in an explosion of violence, pursue the knowledge 97% of humans will never care about.
Like me, they (or you) might not do their first dream. It might not be their second dream — because they still might be developing the wrong skills, the weaker skills for them in that season. Even the third or fourth dream.
But, I know we can all meet our hearts and minds where they are. The only factors are time and a balance of diligence and will.
Time for soul seeking. Time for truth to have its way and for us to get out of nature’s way. Work with nature while fighting against negative thoughts and selfish traits. Don’t be selfish, nature hates competition. I’ve never seen a happy selfish person, but I’ve seen it tear families apart. World champion traits will never hurt someone else. If you want to be the best person in the world, you have to be who the world needs of you, not who you want to be.
Be a philanthropist, too. Investing wealth is smarter than investing time.
Conclusion
I still want my first dream. It still has my heart. But, so does my second. I fight for what dreams I can meet and I don’t grieve if I run out of time, because something else will pop up as I live a great life.
“Love, Lead, and Learn, so that others can be happy and healthy in mind, body, and spirit.” — Me
“I work as if I’m working myself out of a job.” Me
Thanks for reading!! Thanks for positive comments!!