It has been just about 10 Years since I was Diagnosed with Chronic Adjustment Disorder

By the Department of Veteran Affairs

In March 2012 was the vehicle-borne suicide bombing (VBIED) in Kandahar, Afghanistan that I was adjacent to. Ever been inside of a mushroom cloud?

Odd thing to me is, I don’t remember suffering any effects from it.

Just a couple weeks later I was transitioning out of country. I woke up one morning at FOB (forward operating base) Walton — I have no recollection of even the day I was dropped off or by whom. Could have been the day before or it could have a couple days prior. I couldn’t even tell to this day if it was my unit that dropped me off. There is a gap in memory from the explosion to the day I woke up in FOB Walton.

Not only that, but right after I awoke that morning I had lost all memory for a little bit. Including my name. I remember like it was yesterday, sitting there in the tent looking at the name on my body armor and it meaning nothing to me. I had to read my name off my driver’s license 3 times before I remembered it was me. It was a rough next couple years as I regained some memory.

Not saying if it was the bomb that made those effects, me and everyone in my neuropsychological team are skeptical.

I’ve linked stories I’ve written about that below.

Thinking back over the last 10 years I see a fight for survival. In every job I have ever had since then, I’ve needed to write down lists and helps in order to not forget very simple things.

In college in 2017 there was a math problem my instructor and 2 tutors could not help me with understanding. I ended up taking 3 hours to teach myself. Since then, I have been my best teacher. I catch myself assessing company policies, subconsciously. I say, “could my clients and could my 24-year old self be able to understand this?” I try not to label companies bad for not including anyone with a cognitive misfire, saying “there is no way I would have ever done that correctly with this instruction” or “there is a huge gap in this process.”

I have come to peace with not knowing the things I used to know. After 10 years it is just a waste of precious time hoping for it, when I can work to help someone else.

I’ve entered into a research study last year with the Long-Term Impact of Military-Relevant Brain Injury Consortium Chronic Effects of Neurotrauma Consortium or LIMBIC-CENC, for short.

Someone told me I would not be who I am today if that never happened. They said I could have ended up in bad place, although thinking I’m doing the right thing because I would not have a brain problem. So, I have to believe my future holds great things for little ol’ me. I’m just a skip and a jump away from forgetting to renew my registration, but I never count myself out. That’s something I never forget.

I am valuable.

I am an intellect.

I have gifts and skills for my path.

I can go further in life than I can see today.

I still forget everything that is not written down and still forget every appointment if it is not in my calendar, but I keep reminding myself to water my life and grow. Keep moving forward. What’s my next great idea, class, etc.?

My brain still goes haywire if I have to adjust my schedule after my brain has wrapped around the current one. I get headaches, feelings of failure, sometimes depressed feelings, and more from just my schedule being changed. But, I fight to press through by finding a motivation.

HAPPY 10-YEAR BRAIN INJURY ANNIVERSARY!

Thanks for reading! Thanks for positive comments!! Thanks for sharing!!!