This is ME …

It is ok to be yourself

I have incandescent pink hair.

It isn’t a fad, nor is it a reactionary response to the patriarchy (although it would be a completely legitimate action).

But rather it is an external signal that I have, after four and half decades of hiding, chosen to lean into myself.

My story. My experience. My wisdom. My curiosity. My strength AND my vulnerability.

I finally decided that like Michelle Obama …

“I like my story”.

By any external measure, it would seem that I am a woman fully in charge of her life.

Becoming Myself

With a career spanning three decades, I have played diplomat in some of the world’s most dangerous war zones. Been a global advocate for vulnerable communities and actively continue contributing to solving wicked problems that are impacting sovereign societies, communities, families and individuals.

A CEO, an Ambassador, an Advocate and public policy and political strategist. I have been fortunate to have worked with some of the greatest minds of our times. Balanced against the countless instances of sexual harassment, discrimination, bullying and other forms of workplace abuse, that I witnessed or survived.

In essence, I have become a master of the art of kintsugi: an alchemist skilled in transforming life lessons and professional challenges into gold.

At the heart of it all, I am a thinker who loves books and breathes words.

The protective power of books

As a child, I had to learn how to navigate the terrors of the world to keep my little brother safe whilst my mother desperately clawed a way out of poverty and homelessness.

My safe place was the school library. I loved to sit, surrounded and protected by words, ideas, new worlds, different perspectives — some real, some imaginary. Often, I found ways to liberate books from their shelves, believing my safety outside of school was directly proportional to the number of books I hoarded in my different hidey holes dotted around the neighbourhood.

Needless to say, my relationship with school and community libraries has been a rocky one!

I lost myself in the stories of Laura Ingalls, Anne of Green Gables and Little Women. As time passed I read the classics and whatever else I could lay my hands on. Indiscriminately switching between poetry, literature, classics, fantasy and popular fiction my inner world was a melting pot.

A diversity of perspectives I have expanded and deepened as I have aged. Now my shelves groan under the weight of translated works from international authors as I seek to better understand how the world defines the “Other” and find the common humanity that unites us all. And whilst I no longer need to be surrounded by books to feel safe, having access to my books — paper or electronic — profoundly eases my soul.

Using my Knight’s instinct on the chessboard of life

So, for most of my life, I have been metaphorically running, striving to be five moves ahead as I manoeuvre the chessboard of life. And whilst I developed useful skills ultimately, I became a master of crisis and drama able to pivot trauma whilst balancing on a knife’s edge.

In fact, my life was the merry go around …

And the faster the circus ride went, the faster I ran.

Constantly piecing people back together, managing workplace toxicity to help individuals and the organisations, I championed for the change and leadership necessary to be best in class.

And I did this — all my life — to avoid having to prioritise myself in any way: expert at solving and fixing others, a complete failure at caring for myself. An experience that is intergenerationally rooted through a multitude of epigenetic tags particularly stress and trauma.

Happily partnered and the seasoned stepmother of two beautiful souls, I am a veteran of a broken family law system. As hard as my partner and I fought to protect our children from the ravages of a mentally unwell parent, the system refused to see beyond stereotypical roles. Needless to say, for all the baggage my partner and I acquired, it pales in comparison to the scars borne by the children. Now, adults, we have the glorious opportunity to reshape our relationships unconstrained by the limitations of court systems or the manipulations of others. And whilst that toxic twelve-year period will forever haunt us all, our deep commitment to one another is making it safe for the four of us to be vulnerable with one another as we reshape our family relationships.

So, in essence, I was the World Champion in Emotional Labour.

Until I wasn’t.

Leaning into Me

I have died four times.

Each time has taught me a different lesson. And in aggregate, they have taught me to finally lean into myself.

In accepting the limitations of a having a terminal degenerative illness, I have also acknowledged the reality that I am a unicorn, a timeless one at that ….

I am no longer shrinking from occupying space — literally, metaphorically or physically — I now actively ensure I lean into all of the available space.

Running my own alchemy practice, I am akin to the medical specialist, for leaders. A CEO’s CEO I walk alongside leaders providing a shared safe space for them to reflect, grow, learn, fail and succeed. I help organisations develop their cognitive ecologies so that their teams can think with a shared evolving mindset and I teach teams how to play together — collectively curating their curiosity and creativity so they can collaborate, coordinate and connect.

I am a keynote speaker focusing on the hurts associated with leadership and the challenges of fostering a culture where everyone belongs.

But most importantly I am leaning into my love of the written word. Writing on Medium and in any other publication that accepts my submissions, I am sharing the full breadth of my professional and personal experience from writing about leadership, strategy, culture and organisational life all the way through to exploring both our shared and deeply personal individual human experiences.

I am so excited to be part of the Illumination community and thank Dr Mehmet Yildiz for his leadership in establishing it. Every article I read is causing me to grow exponentially and I feel that every aspect of my personal and professional life will be profoundly influenced by my involvement with the community.

I would love to connect so please reach out via this platform or through LinkedIn or Instagram via @naomijknight or Twitter via @NaomiJaneKnigh1