EDITORIAL

There’s Nothing Wrong With Being A “Racist”

A Guide For Aspiring Writers On How To Deal With Internet Trolls

Hi readers!

So, I got your attention with a click-bait title. Perfect! Let’s continue.

I’d like to clarify. I don’t tolerate racism of any kind. Skin color should not matter in terms of qualifications. Everyone should be treated equally and the same.

Except for morons and monsters. Fuck them.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t make smart decisions 100% of the time. I remember doing stupid and rude shit back when I was in high school and college (and in my adult life after I down half a bottle of chardonnay). I’m sure we all have acted like imbeciles at one point in our lives. However, I’ll give a pass for all of us based on the following.

The stupid stuff we did didn’t harm millions of people. Maybe we hurt our parents, since they were constantly worried about our actions.
If we harmed someone else in the process, we apologized. Furthermore, we try not to repeat the same mistake again.

I’m still amazed at the millions of trolls and uneducated people who will continue to spew their bullshit, despite knowing how harmful their actions are. It is easy to create anonymous or fake identities to attack people for being “stupid”, “idiotic”, and “racist”. People can now bully people or spread misinformation without taking accountability. We have the incredible luxury to choose to be mentally retarded.

I say this while understanding that I have benefited tremendously from this digital world. I bully and shame such bullies on a continuous basis while hiding behind an account that has little/no social media footprint. Oh, the irony!

I’m the Dexter Morgan of the writing world! I’m a serial killer who kills other serial killers just to make the world better. Maybe the woke movement will cancel me for trying to bestow judgement on my own.

But I doubt it. The day I’ll be cancelled will be the day the government realizes that Scientology and the Ku Klux Klan should not be treated as religious organizations (at least for tax purposes).

While I find more fulfillment in discarding the rotten apples than trying to make them delicious again (simply because they are well beyond the expiration date), I do see an altruistic purpose in putting down the scum of the world. By showing readers how to not act (through my logic, reason, and wit), I hope I can make the world better than it was before. And get a few laughs along the way.

That being said, I’ll always find a small minority of haters who will put me down through hateful emotions. This was evident in my prior article, where I got attacked by Catelin Clobes and her followers for attacking anti-vaxxers. Clobes attacked me for going after her deceased daughter. Which is code for “I didn’t read your article fully, so I’m going to make shit up because I’m offended that you called me out on promoting lies”. If she actually read the article, I didn’t even attack her daughter at all.

Furthermore, there was very little for an anti-vaxxer to get offended at. I was taking a “sympathetic” stance towards anti-vaccination by claiming that it’s a nice alternative to getting a legal abortion. Pretty useful for women who are living in Texas.

Clobes and her followers weren’t my only haters. On Sunday, January 23, 2022, a troll by the name of james doeane decided to spam one of my pieces, calling me “idiotic” and “racist”. This troll found it racist for me to attack Kyrie Irving for his anti-vaccination stance.

I’ll repeat it again for your amusement. It’s racist to attack someone who is against vaccinations. I missed the memo when Americans decided to change the definition of racism.

So yes, it’s ok to be “racist.” If that means supporting the scientific community and keeping our nation healthy, then I’m a proud “racist.” I just hope you readers will keep me informed when the English language changes. That way, I won’t be caught off guard next time.

~ Ellie Salvaje

PS: This goes out to all new and aspiring writers who are afraid of blogging because they don’t want to offend people. Despite my growing popularity, I still deal with haters and trolls. The important thing is to take things in stride and not let them affect your writing.

Here’s a useful tip I got when I first started out. If you try to appease everyone, you appease no one. Figure out early on what your target audience is. I do not write for the morons and monsters (racists, psychopaths, sociopaths, etc).

I write for the intelligent, compassionate, no-nonsense community with a sense of humor. Trying to appease the trolls is a disservice to my readers (once again, thank you all for your support!).

If you get a negative comment, please take a step back and determine whether it is constructive feedback or unnecessary hate. If the reader is going out of his/her way to type “you should be ashamed” or “fuck off” or “you’re such a racist”, he/she is most likely an emotionally stunted individual who isn’t mature enough to engage in debate. Emotionally healthy individuals can point out flaws in your articles without resorting to name-calling.

Take my Microsoft — Garmin article for example. I got some critiques, but the commenters have been civil enough to not resort to name-calling. In one of the comments, I accepted I was wrong and updated my piece based on the feedback.

If you decided the person harassing you is nothing more than a troll, then accept his/her insults with pride. If an imbecile calls you “stupid”, that means you’re smart.

Let’s use this example of the troll who spammed my Kyrie Irving article. james doeane (he will probably delete his account after this piece goes viral) has no followers, no posts, and no Medium history. There is a strong possibility this troll got offended by my piece, created this fake account, and attacked me just so he couldn’t get cancelled in real life.

Holdup, I called James a he. Did I assume someone’s gender? Oh no. What will I do?

After rereading his comments, I realized he has no constructive feedback. They are insults with no logic behind them. On the off chance that he blocks me/removes his comments, I have posted the screenshots below for your entertainment/review. I hope you laughed as much as I did.

Took you that long to realize that I’m a fake journalist? I suppose we learn at our own pace. Also, do you not know how to use google? Type in “are vaccines effective” and voila! All your scientific studies are there in the first 100 pages. If you need help typing this up, I’ll gladly offer my assistance for a small fee of $1000.

You needed 7 different comments to say I’m a racist? Makes sense. After the first 6, I was still on the fence about whether you thought I was compassionate. But the 7th one sealed the deal.

Now, James is correct that minorities have faced risks from the government in the past. In his rambling nonsense, he actually listed one fact. Well done boy! I’m so proud of you!

Before I counter Jame’s points, I should note. I already assumed James is a male. I have no idea if James is a black male. Maybe James is a “woke” Asian transgender female with one testicle. But for the sake of my jokes, I’m going to blindly assume James is a black male.

James, if you support minorities who distrust the government, then why did you get vaccinated? Why did you trust the government, but support your kind to not to take their health seriously? Do you want to indirectly kill off more African Americans just so you have a better chance of getting admission to Harvard?

If so, I do give you props for realizing that affirmative action is not for all black people who applied to an Ivy League. Black people who were granted admission to prestigious schools were also hard workers and wonderful students. That being said, I consider your true motives to get into your dream school to be so dark that Harvard decided to grant them admission before considering you.

Also, James, who cares about the past? This isn’t the 1950s. This is the 2020s. I got vaccinated. My readers (hopefully) got vaccinated. My network of friends and family got vaccinated. I know many people from different races who got vaccinated. At least 63% of the USA is fully vaccinated (wait for real? this is alarmingly low). Even you (allegedly) got vaccinated. This minority exploitation concern is no longer an excuse.

If you can tell by my name, I am a minority as well. My comprehensive research concludes that I should trust the government and science for health reasons because they are experts in their field. If I can do it, then so can your anti-vaxx friends.

On a side note, I actually got COVID. I showed symptoms for one day, then was asymptomatic for the next 9 days till I tested negative. I couldn’t have survived without the COVID booster shot, as this reduced this unknown disease to a mere 1-day cold. Major props to our pandemic researchers and medical experts for keeping us safe!

But back to you, James. I have no idea why you called me a racist for attacking Kyrie Irving, and not African-American superstar Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. That’s right. A former black NBA player — much better than Kyrie on and off the court, and possibly the greatest NBA player of all time — openly criticized current NBA players for not taking a stance on vaccinations. Here’s a quote from the NBA’s all-time leading scorer.

“The NBA should insist that all players and staff are vaccinated or remove them from the team…There is no room for players who are willing to risk the health and lives of their teammates, the staff and the fans simply because they are unable to grasp the seriousness of the situation or do the necessary research.” ~ ” Abdul-Jabbar in Rolling Stone.

James, are you next going to spam Abdul-Jabbar for being a stupid racist? Are you going to call him an Uncle Tom for “turning” his back on the black community?

You won’t? Ok. So why am I criticized then? Is it because I’m a woman, you sexist piece of shit? You see what I did there? I saw you pull the race card and I countered with my sexism card. I can’t wait to see what you do next.

On a side note, did I just assume MY gender? What if I’m actually a three-penis transvestite? Damn, I may be the first entertainer in history who cancelled themself!

Anyways, back to you aspiring writers. How do we deal with trolls like James Doeane? Medium recommends ignoring or blocking them. They advise us to take the high road and just ignore them. However, this doesn’t apply to me for two reasons:

I’m petty as fuck. Yes, sex is great, but there’s no greater feeling in the world than exposing an imbecile for his/her stupidity. I see someone spam me 7 times, I feel compelled to shun him/her down through my wit. Comedians are wired differently.
I’m honored. I’m touched that a troll will go out of his/her way to make his/her hate known. After all, it’s giving my pieces more notice and more traffic. I get paid more by Medium, and even more if I respond to the troll’s comments. The world revolves around money, and all my haters are helping me pay my debts to the Yakuza quicker. If James wanted to end me, he should have kept his mouth shut. There’s no such thing as bad publicity.

And that’s why I decided to write this petty article. Now readers, which comes first?

Me receiving a thousand dollar check from Medium
Medium removing this piece for “harassment”
James Doeane deleting his existing account and creating a new fake account to spam me again
James Doeane paying me $1000 for typing lessons

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UPDATE:

Turns out Medium gave me a thousand dollar check first. Happened on February 5, 2023. It was all thanks to this piece, which netted me an astounding $978!

Mitch McConnell Bans Interracial Marriage Bill To Terminate His Shaky Marriage Of 29 Years

Cheaper than getting divorced

muddyum.net

I next predict that james doeane will pay me $1000 for typing lessons. Let’s make it happen!

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Thanks for reading! If you want to read my satire, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.

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