I Have Found A Way To Make A Profit Out Of Pissing People Off
Hello readers!
It’s been a while since I’ve written a direct post like this. I’ve been far too busy writing as much as possible, hoping to create incredible content for your viewing pleasure.
There are 5 major updates I wanted to share with you all.
Satire is changing the world! Again!
Good news for satirists! Our words speak louder than actions! These two major milestones happened after I published my articles.
- On July 16, 2021, I published Hollywood Icon Brad Pitt Adopts Britney Spears. I mocked the fact that a grown ass woman should even be in a controlling conservatorship, and proposed that Spears should search for an adopted parent if her father is this abusive. On September 29th, 2021, the judge agreed with my reasoning and suspended Spear’s father Jamie Spears from the conservatorship. I’m happy that Britney Spears is free from the abusive reign of her father, and I hope she can finally live the live she truly wants. If she wants Brad Pitt to hop on the conservatorship, then I welcome it! It will be my first satire article where I’ll have to change my disclaimer to “This is actually true.”
- On September 14, 2021, I published Horrible Bosses Sue Texas For Providing Their Grossly Underpaid Workers A Sustainable Livelihood As Abortion Bounty Hunters. Like many of you, I had to do a double take when I read about the $10,000 bounty people would receive if they reported abortions in Texas. I thought this was an Anthony Jesselnik joke, not a law. Even by my standards, this is f***** up. A federal judge of Texas agreed with my thoughts, and blocked the state’s abortion ban on October 6, 2021.
I actually went viral?
Until October, the most I’ve ever made from an article was $12. Which is enough for me to buy a cardboard box in San Francisco. But in late September/early October, two of my articles got significant traction.
I published this on September 28,2021. Since then, I accumulated 2.6K views, 37 fans, 1K reads, and $100. I have no idea how this became popular. Yes, I made fun of fraternity brothers. But I was mocking Gwen Stefani for looking so generic. Seriously. She looks like every beautiful blonde girl put together. If a random blonde girl were walking down the street and you told me that was Gwen Stefani, I would probably believe you. Even if that girl was actually Rita Ora. Or Holly Madison. Or Chris Hemsworth.
Morale of the story to all aspiring writers, don’t be afraid to hit publish on all your drafts. Especially silly pieces. You may never know who ends up enjoying your work.
I published this on May 11, 2021. This one was a small hit. In 1 month, I accumulated 400 views, 11 fans, and 140 reads. Yet on September 27, 2021, I slowly saw an exponential growth of views. 2–4- 8–16- 32- 70–120- 256- 400. All for each day. This piece skyrocketed to 2.1k total views, 39 fans, and 744 total reads. Not bad for a piece that was published 6 months ago. Especially since Alabama decided to uplift its ban on Hinduism 10 days after I published it.
Going viral really doesn’t make sense, does it? I wonder why I got such an influx of viewers on October. Perhaps fall was ending and people are just using their computers more. I also don’t know why these two articles were the most popular out of all my selections. The Gwen Stefani was my most recent, so that’s understandable. But the Alabama one was published months ago. Why did that go viral and not my Republicans Ban Confederacy or Ron DeSantis?
Morale of the story to all aspiring writers, don’t be afraid to hit publish. Your story may go viral months down the road.
More views = More haters
From the last two viral articles, I was surprised to see some people go out of their way to question why anyone would bother reading my crap. Naturally, I responded to them wishing them well on their journeys to discover a sense of humor. I was later blocked from these people.
That being said, I probably get 1 negative comment for every 5 positive comments. So I’m clearly doing something right. That, or my readers are just as sadistic as I am.
Moral of the story to all aspiring writers, not everyone will enjoy your writing. Don’t take it personally. That being said, make sure your content is good enough for people to read.
There are far more people with a twisted sense of humor than me
No, I’m not talking about Texas Governor Greg Abbott. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist my shameless self promotion.
I was scrolling through my Instagram account, and noticed that one of my posts (article here) had far more hateful comments than the rest.
As a satirist who aims to push boundaries, I should expect people to get offended by my work and voice their opinions. I welcome it, as it gives me opportunities to sharpen my wit and banter and to call my haters out on their bullshit opinions. If Jimmy Carr can do it and still fire amazing comebacks, then so can I.
That being said, I was very curious why these comments appeared on October 12, 2021. Especially since I posted this IG Post on September 17th, 2021. Why wait almost a month to express their hate?
I wondered if there was any significant event that caused this flood of negativity.
Something spiked recently. Perhaps Medium decided to recommend this article at a random time.
But wait, why is one of the external referrals circleofmamas.com ?
Wait. This a social network for mothers? Particularly those against vaccines and science?
DID MEDIUM REALLY POST MY ANTI-VAXX/CHILD-KILLING ARTICLE ON THIS FORUM MEANT FOR MISINFORMED MOTHERS?????
Did I break their algorithm? What happened? Ok, it’s likely that some troll took my link and posted it on this forum to piss off these mothers. But DAMN. And I thought my humor was twisted.
But while we’re on that train of thought…
Is there such thing as bad publicity?
But wait, @taytaysmitty is mentioning me in a post that I didn’t create. What is this post?
Good. Lord. Catelin Clobes came across my article and blasted it on her Instagram page. Did Medium/someone else recommend my piece to her on her anti-vaxx social network? If so, I only have three words as a response: Savage. As. F***.
For those who don’t know, Catelin Clobes is one of the subjects of my article, the one on her Instagram page. Clobes believes her daughter died of vaccine injury, whereas an autopsy revealed that her daughter most likely died from accidental suffocation from a blanket. Clobes took offense to that, as she couldn’t handle the truth. She not only started an anti-vaccination movement, but also compiled a lawsuit to sue NBC for defamation (even though NBC was just reporting facts). Naturally, I mocked her for ignoring medical truth about the death of her child.
While I’m not surprised that Clobes decided to ignore the actual content of the article, I still need to call her out on her bulls***. Since I can’t respond to her on Instagram, I’ll have to mention it here.
- Catelin, no-one is attacking Evee. We are attacking you. You accidentally killed your child, which is unfortunate. Truth is, it could happen to any one of us. But instead of accepting responsibility, you decided to become the face of anti-vaccination. Vaccinations have been proven to prevent outbreaks of deadly diseases, and yet you question these experts for keeping our children safe. Why on earth would you do that? Are you secretly angry and guilty that you lost your child through your accidental actions, and feel that others should lose their children as well? If so, that’s disgusting.
- I did put a huge warning before my piece. I did say this was my most offensive piece to date. I went out of my way to warn others not to read it. So why on earth did you chose to read it? I know you read the entire article, as my mockery of you came up in the second paragraph (on a side note, congratulations on reading all the way to the end and noticing the disclaimer! That’s an achievement that many of my haters failed to accomplish!)
- You’re forming a lawsuit against NBC for defamation. Funny, because TheDailyBeast, MedCityBeat, StarTribune, SkepticalRaptor, and other news outlets have discredited you as well. I wonder why you’re not suing them as well.
- You’re threatening to sue me, saying that whatever is on the internet stays forever. You are correct about the Internet. But do you honestly think you have a defamation case? Did you ever ask why Tucker Carlson is still on air, despite numerous lawsuits and protests to cancel him? A US Judge named Mary Kay Vyskocil dismissed these lawsuits, stating
“The ‘general tenor’ of the show should then inform a viewer that [Carlson] is not ‘stating actual facts’ about the topics he discusses and is instead engaging in ‘exaggeration’ and ‘non-literal commentary. Fox persuasively argues, that given Mr. Carlson’s reputation, any reasonable viewer ‘arrive[s] with an appropriate amount of skepticism’ about the statement he makes.”
- I will say that all the pieces I’ve written so far are 100% fictional. My disclaimer at the end tells viewers not to treat my pieces seriously. I can very well argue that I engage in exaggeration and non-literay commentary, and that any reasonable reader should be skeptical about what I write.
- Damn, did Fox News actually help me avoid a potential lawsuit? Is the enemy of my friends actually my friend?
- I also took a look at Circle of Mammas. All their statements on vaccine injuries are cherry picked observations, many from studies that have been proven false by the medical community. It’s amazing how cultish they sound. I had to reach out to my friend in a medical residency program to ask if any of this is true (spoiler alert: the friend said there’s no correlation between vaccine injury and children death).
- Catelin, a small part of me hopes you have a legitimate case on vaccine injury. As curious people of the world, we should know pros and cons of all treatments. That being said, medical journals adhere to a rigorous testing process. You’ve made such claims about vaccine injury, but didn’t follow the scientific process of research. I have no desire to back your claims when you haven’t gotten your research peer reviewed by experts in the field.
Surprisingly, I don’t know if I should feel honored by the flood of hate comments. Yes, I rightfully deserved the hate for publishing such a triggering piece. I did roast a group of people with misguided views, so I should have seen this coming.
That being said, is there really such thing as bad publicity? I did get more money, views, and engagement from this free promotion. I have shown the world that these minorities are dumb for their beliefs, and have gained even more followers as a result. Finally, I’ve distanced myself from morons who would kill me either way. I just see this as a massive win.
Nevertheless, it’s sad that all those haters are anti-vaxxed parents. What a shame that they would consider a person’s feelings over the truth. They would gladly put their children at risk for death over not giving them a prick in the arm, despite the entire world telling them otherwise. My heart goes out for those children, who have to suffer from their parents’ delusions.
Welcome to America. Where everything is made up, and facts don’t matter.
I’ll see you all in hell!
~ Ellie Salvaje
PS: I’m actually very surprised that Anti-Vaxxers Admit They Ignore Dr Fauci Simply To Avoid Responsibility Of Raising A Child is still up on Medium. That probably won’t be the case anymore. Dear readers/dark humorists/satirists, get your views in before it gets taken down! We’re all going to hell, might as well get our ticket for the best seats.
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Thanks for reading! If you want to read my satire, see my profile’s Table of Contents page.
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