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Abstract

and that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.</i></p><p id="46e4">Thank you for reading my work.</p><p id="2b39">Please also read:</p><div id="c3ee" class="link-block"> <a href="https://emmah1017.medium.com/the-transgender-pain-29b6b8f304ab"> <div> <div> <h2>The Transgender Pain</h2> <div><h3>The Pain</h3></div> <div><p>emmah1017.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*W-5ZDIga_SEULXonLaQNpA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6eb2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/a-transgender-play-7e2a3eaee343"> <div> <div> <h2>A Transgender Play</h2> <div><h3>A gender farce in two acts</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*k2gw9YqUhhuz8RwSDNXnNw.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><figure id="6c6b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*2zLXDp4lNfuDQ-eR.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="95ad"><b>This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt <a href="https://readmedium.com/will-the-real-queer-you-please-stand-up-574b9ed5f0d2">Will the Real (Queer) You Please Stand Up?</a></b></p><h1 id="ca14">Other stories so far →</h1><div id="c586" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-wish-being-gay-werent-the-biggest-part-of-my-life-but-i-have-no-choice-95f5a4428f7f"> <div> <div> <h2>I Wish Being Gay Weren’t the Biggest Part of My Life But I Have No Choice</h2> <div><h3>I’m ‘gay first’ no matter what I’d prefer</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*qg_CMcb4oYKC6LHOA5u5Lw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0948" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/addressing-my-real-queer-self-4dc7e4817941"> <div> <div> <h2>Addressing My Real Queer Self</h2> <div><h3>In the thrift business, a lot of resale items come through and must be sorted. For about five months, I worked in the…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*c1F4FUOYO1kqvn2b)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="86d

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5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-one-i-used-to-be-e5b1751df01c"> <div> <div> <h2>The One I Used To Be</h2> <div><h3>Will the Real (Queer) You Please Stand Up?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*6y2FaluIFSZtrvULhA6MBw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="cbf3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/4-tips-and-tricks-for-being-a-trans-type-person-ef039eb834c0"> <div> <div> <h2>4 Tips and Tricks for Being A Trans-Type Person</h2> <div><h3>For a quick primer on how I identify — other than as a Trans-Type Person (TTP) — and how I feel about identity, please…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*JSlQ_qL_H1m3JP5n_LfEXg.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="85b0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/ive-got-southern-fried-queer-pride-993a5b38a36a"> <div> <div> <h2>I’ve Got Southern-Fried Queer Pride</h2> <div><h3>A Prism and Pen prompt response.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*ST80JYjqIZ8fw4Cv)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9826" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-politics-of-identity-and-the-economics-of-self-68ff3c2c0262"> <div> <div> <h2>The Politics of Identity and the Economics of Self</h2> <div><h3>Or the political economy of I have no clue who I am</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*evRvqKCHzfhfRxD3)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="cb33" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/am-i-man-enough-dcef2d726603"> <div> <div> <h2>Am I Man Enough?</h2> <div><h3>The constant doubts of a transgender man</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*iByXb32W5vzczJ01P5RhSQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Them/Us/Me/Them/Us

The real queer me, standing up

Over the last almost 4 four years I have tried to answer the question James Finn posed in this week’s Prism & Pen writing prompt.

“Who the hell are you?”

Prior to these past four years, I thought I knew. I was a straight, cisgender male. I was like everybody else. The cisgender world was my world… but I always felt a little out of place…ok a lot out of place but 60 years of socialization, testosterone and cisgender reinforcement kept those thoughts in a tight little box surrounded by very deep walls of denial.

The LGBTQ community was always THEM not US.

Then BANG!

Gender dysphoria hit with all of its emotional and soul-searching fury. From suicidal thoughts to weekly therapy to transgender support groups and, sadly for you all, endless writing, I find out that my ME is with THEM and it is now US and I like it.

I am part of the LGBTQ community.

I am still fighting my sexual orientation against my wired gender but this turmoil has put me in touch with the most generous and caring community I have every had the pleasure to be a part of. If gender dysphoria was the cost of entry, then I believe that it was worth it.

If I close my eyes and look into myself, I see the real, loving ME running free finally from that locked little box buried deep behind those thick walls of denial. I see ME in the mirror and not an actor playing a role.

So, I am proud to be THEM and to be a part of US and to finally touch the true soul and heart of ME. I hope someday the other THEM will stop being THEM and we can all just be US.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.

Thank you for reading my work.

Please also read:

The Transgender Pain

The Pain

emmah1017.medium.com

A Transgender Play

A gender farce in two acts

medium.com

This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt Will the Real (Queer) You Please Stand Up?