4 Tips and Tricks for Being A Trans-Type Person
For a quick primer on how I identify — other than as a Trans-Type Person (TTP) — and how I feel about identity, please see this piece.
While not necessary reading, it will certainly bring you up to date on all the different identities I can lay claim to at any given time and under the appropriate circumstance — which leads me to
TTP TIP #1: You Don’t Have to Be A TTP All the Time
Even in Queer spaces, I often find that I am more likely to share that I am an Ace-Type Person if only make it clear that I am not looking for a hook up. I am a TTP when it is necessary to be so.
For instance:
I was at a teacher staff in-service last week where they were learning how to provide the best learning environment for trans and non-binary students. I was quite happy this was being offered as it was obvious many of the folks there were in need of the training. It was an appropriate situation to be a TTP and share my perspective. Being a TTP in that forum also allowed me to be somewhat righteous when a teacher asked what to do when a student tried to use “deeply held religious beliefs” as an excuse for transphobic behavior — the same teacher said that she would not allow students to express racism to which I pointed out that many white supremacists have deeply held religious beliefs which they use to support their position. It kind of shut the discussion down…
Also:
My children interact with numerous systems which require me to identify as the parent who made the paternal contribution necessary to their creation. In order to avoid being improperly labeled as the “other mom”, it is necessary for me to be a TTP.
However:
If I am with my kids in a non-official setting and someone refers to me as their mom, I have no pressing need to be a TTP or offer correction.
Most interactions with cis folk do not require one to be a TTP — which leads me to
TTP TIP #2: Read the Room
There are some circumstances where it may not be the best time or place to be a TTP. Sometimes the dangers are clear and present, like a sign that reads
Sometimes a TTP might feel safe and secure, but then the conversation turns and someone does an Austin Powers impression (or was it Crocodile Dundee? Hard to tell with that terrible accent…) and everyone around them laughs and when the TTP realizes they were not being referred to, it might be a sign to keep that modifier to themselves.
Or, if they don’t care about the people in the room all that much and are in a safe place to do so (far far away from Dixieland), a TTP might be inclined to blow things up by shaming everyone present for their complicity in perpetuating stereotypes, bad jokes, and systemic transphobia — which leads me to
TTP TIP #3: You don’t have to blow things up
A TTP will be confronted by systemic transphobia everyday and if they called out every bit of it, their fingers would bleed from responding to news comments and reporting hateful tweets. There are times it is all too much and a TTP questions whether being a TTP is l worth being angry and afraid all the time — a lifetime of dysphoria almost seems preferable…except a TTP does not need to transition to be a TTP and not transitioning because of the haters means they win and you still have dysphoria and now you’ve handed a victory to transphobic monster-type people.
Don’t do that.
You don’t have to make it your mission to right all the wrongs. Find time to step away from the comments and tweets and op-eds and vlogs and Fox News stories and…damn, there’s so much to try to step away from, but you can do it.
Binge Pose or some other show which can keep you occupied with TTP-positive messaging. Step away from media and make something beautiful. Treat yourself! Self care is not selfish — which leads me to
TTP TIP #4: Being A TTP Is Not Selfish
I have heard some express that a TTP must be selfish to be a TTP. This is meant to shame the TTP and make them think twice or think they are a terrible person who has caused pain to all the people in their lives whose lives were affected by their decision to be a TTP — or worse, to tell people about it and expect those people to accept them.
A TTP may encounter a Cis-Type Person (CTP) who feels that having to learn a new name or use different pronouns is a lot to ask. They might tell the TTP that it is quite inconsiderate of them to expect other people to be able to do so after [whatever period of time they have known the TPP] and that the TTP should feel bad when the CTP deadnames them or misgenders them because whose fault is it, anyway?
An exception:
If the CTP in question is elderly and makes mistakes and it is obvious they are not intentionally doing so, the TTP should do their best to offer kind correction, but otherwise let it go like Elsa in the snow (See TTP Tip #3).
Otherwise:
It is okay to be somewhat indignant, or perhaps just a little snarky.
Such as:
I have a sibling who, for some time after I came out, would call me up and say about half of my deadname before catching himself and using my name.
“Deadn-, I mean Natasha.”
After a few such instances, I would respond
“Assh-, I mean Sibling.”
It didn’t take long for my sibling to stop with the nonsense.
If you are a TTP, you are not a terrible person for being a TTP. You might be a terrible person for things you have done which are the kinds of things terrible people do, like yell at school board members about kindergartners wearing masks or teaching critical race theory to kindergartners or being upset about critical race theory at all when you really don’t know what it is...
There are many ways to be a terrible person, but being a TTP is not one of them.
I am a trans-type person and this will never change. If you are one as well, please take my advice for what it is worth and do what feels right for you (except the school board yelling…don’t do that). Tips and tricks for anything other than rewarding servers and magic are likely to be somewhat generic. I have learned as a TTP that one size almost never fits all.
The only universal rule to being a TTP is that if you know you are a TTP then you are a TTP.
This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt Will the Real (Queer) You Please Stand Up?