The Years That Almost (But Not Quite) Broke Me

And why I took a hiatus from EVERYTHING

It is no secret that here in Melbourne 2020 and 2021 were…well restrictive.

We are now known as the lock down capital of the world. Not really a competition you want to win.

But this isn’t going to be another story about covid, lock downs and restrictions…because god knows I am sure we are all over talking and reading about the coronavirus.

No. This story is about me finally learning to prioritise my health. It is about me taking charge of my own health, setting boundaries and learning to say no.

But first I had to break.

It all starts with me sobbing on the kitchen floor with my then 5-year old hugging me so tight. Like he was trying to hold all my pieces together. He just kept saying it would be ok, everyone cries and he would hold me until I felt better.

Even through my ugly sobbing, I smiled. I felt fiercely proud that he was showing such kindness and compassion.

As I dried the tears from my face, pulled myself off the floor and finished the snack I was making my kids I knew something had to change.

I had put the needs of everyone else before mine. And now the combination of lock downs, restrictions, missing my family and friends, home schooling, and intense nursing shifts finally broke me.

I had to learn to say no, to set boundaries and prioritise my own health and well-being.

Two life mottos I now live by

In my pursuit to BE better I came across two life mottos that I now live by.

• You cannot pour from an empty cup.
• I am replaceable at work, but not at home.

I repeat these mantras to myself every time I am tempted to take on board too much. They remind me of what is important and what I need to do to keep myself healthy and sane!

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

In order to look after my family and friends, I need to be at my best.

I cannot do that if I have nothing else left to give. So now I make sure I place my health at the top of the list.

What does this look like?

• Ensuring I schedule in time to exercise (mainly running because that is my happy place).
• Making sure I coordinate with my hubby to ensure this exercise time happens.
• Fueling my body with healthy and nutritious food — bonus if it is super quick and easy to make!
• ASKING FOR HELP! This is a big one, because I struggle big time reaching out when I need it.
• I use the headspace app for meditation and help calm my mind for sleep.
• Making more effort to carve out time for my husband and I to have “dates”, and for catch up with friends and family.

By putting myself first I am a better wife, mum, friend, daughter and sister. I have more energy and patience for those around me and feel so much better within myself.

Its not selfish to put yourself first. It actually makes you a better person! Go ahead and try it.

I am replaceable at work, but not at home.

This was actually very difficult for me to approach. During the pandemic, nursing was hard. I won’t go into details because, well, there are not enough words or time in this story to truly capture it.

I will say, we were lucky here in Australia. We were not overwhelmed or over-worked to the extent of many of our overseas colleagues. But, our hospitals underwent many changes in a short space of time. We had to adapt to working in uncomfortable and restrictive PPE, we were (and still are) chronically short staffed. Most shifts we worked 2–3 staff under.

I have so much respect and loyalty to my colleagues and I am part of an amazing team. So taking a step back from work was really freakin’ hard. A friend told me one day (after I had been venting and upset…again):

“You know, you are replaceable at work but not at home.”

Mic drop. 🎤

And this is now one of my life mantras!

What does this look like?

• I took 8 weeks leave from work.
• When I returned to nursing shifts, I decreased how often I worked.
• I took a step back from my content writing business.
• Instead of taking on so much 1:1 work with small biz owners, I now offer digital products.
• I took a break from Medium and other writing platforms.

By giving myself permission to step back and take time, I am now happier and so inspired! And best of all, I have re-found my love for writing and serving clients.

Perhaps money is a little tighter then it used to be (but it wont be that way forever). My husband and I have always placed more value on our quality of life, rather then money. I am happier, more present and healthier. You cannot put a price on that.

What are the key take away from the years that almost broke me?

• I cannot pour from and empty cup!
• I am replaceable at work, but not at home.

Two life mottos I now live by.

Rachel Maree is a writer, mum and registered nurse. Bringing you the real truth to parenting, nursing and writing (even when it is downright ugly). You can learn more or hire her to write amazing content for you — Rachel Maree.

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