The Way One Man Opened A Door For Me Changed My Whole Outlook On Chivalry

Sweet etiquette or offensive sexism?

It was entirely random and unexpected when it happened.

My daughter and I were exiting a local restaurant with two glass exit doors when, all of a sudden, a tall, gruff-looking man wearing what looked to be biker gang attire immediately rushed to open both doors for us at once.

I looked up and said, ‘Thank you so much!’

He replied, ‘Yes, ma’am, of course, ma’am.’

He was blatantly southern — there was no mistaking that accent. For what looked to be some sort of tough guy you might stereotypically see in a bar fight scene in a movie, the manners and voice that came out were astonishingly refreshing to me.

It wasn’t just that someone had opened a door for us — it was the way in which this man did it. He rushed to do it as quickly as possible — almost like a character from a cartoon who swoops in suddenly to save the day.

Only this particular man did not look like the heroes we know from film and TV. He literally looked like a big biker with whom you did not want to mess with.

This stranger's swift display of helpfulness stunned me to the point where I began to reevaluate my ideas about manners, etiquette, and the concept of chivalry.

I will assume that most people reading this understand how manners and etiquette work. Having manners means saying please and thank you, while etiquette is all about how to properly behave at social functions and interact with others diplomatically without being rude.

However, chivalry and what it means in this day and age is much more complicated. You may have heard the expression, ‘chivalry is dead’ which refers to the fact that present-day men are not as ‘chivalrous’ as they used to be.

The so-called death of chivalry started when society began redefining gender roles and socially acceptable behavior for both men and women changed significantly. Chivalry supposedly died with the rise of modern concepts like feminism and the belief that women needed to be as equally placed as men.

I started thinking about the concept of chivalry and how both women and men perceive it.

The definition of chivalry is ‘the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.’ An additional definition of chivalry describes it as ‘courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.’

In this day and age, chivalry can be perceived with a certain amount of disdain or controversy because it is associated with gender roles, economics, and politics.

Women in feudal Europe were often married for money or politics rather than for love. They were usually in vulnerable and powerless positions while men were always the ones in power. A chivalrous knight could save a woman in this kind of position. In today’s world, being chivalrous is often considered more of an insult as it implies that a woman is weak and in need of saving.

That said, there are still women out there who love the idea of chivalry along with many men who do as well.

Saying that chivalry is dead just means that gender roles have evolved past a phase that they used to occupy — and this is OK. Women’s roles and rights have changed. Men have changed in their own ways as well.

I was pleasantly pleased by having a door opened for myself and for my daughter in such a gracious and — dare I say — chivalrous way. However, there was a part of me that felt like I was supposed to be offended by it, somehow.

But I didn’t feel offended. It didn’t feel sleazy or demeaning on any level. It just felt like a man who was doing something with honorable intentions. Of course, the southern drawl this man had was the icing on the cake as it nailed that whole idea of the quintessential southern gentleman.

Chivalry is supposed to be an honorable thing. It’s a code of conduct. Perhaps we don’t have to call it chivalry anymore but we can still relish those polite and considerate mannerisms when the people around us display them — whether they are men or women.

Additionally, when polished mannerisms come from a person who doesn’t necessarily look the way that we might expect — I find that to be an excellent example of how chivalry has transformed itself to catch up to our modern age. We don’t know who the knights are because they’re not in their armor. They can look like anyone — including gruff-looking bikers.

I certainly applaud whoever taught this random southern stranger his exceptional manners which, from my perspective, was a positive ode to modern chivalry — or whatever you decide to call it.

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